Just skimming your posts and something jumped out at me. We just happen to be at this section of the KLA tapes in the KLA group ...
Try to avoid "always" and "never" thinking!
(examples) I do not know h...never really did....
h always hid things from me
Maybe instead of looking for the rule, look for the exception - are there times when H didn't hide something ...?? I know how hard it is to look at the positives and not the negatives when things are going so wrong and you feel so horrible but I bet once you start looking for them, you'll see them.
As for the list of things H can do for you - does he know about this list?
I'm sorry for not being as familiar with your sitch as I should be but I'll throw out these questions anyways... have you told your H of your unhappiness? (I assume you have) Does your H know you're practically a WAW? Have you tried counselling?
You're right, you are a good person with a lot of great qualities - why don't you think you have those qualities in your R? What can you do to change that?
The dedication to the commitment you made is great - that you are staying with your H when you want so badly to leave. I know you don't feel love for your H right now but as we say over and over again... love is a decision and you made that decision! Love can grow again if the decision is there to let it do so.
Sorry your feeling so down and hopeless. I know how awful it is to feel that way. Believe me I've been there, I think we all have. I wish I had some advice for you, but I just really don't know what to tell you. It's a difficult place to be in. I'm sure you'll find your way soon. Take a few steps back and look inward, it will come to you.
I hope you H surprises you tonight, and you have a good Valentines evening.
I hope things are better for you. Let's make plans next week.
I know that things seem hopeless but remember, you get those hugs occasionally and they will come more often I am sure!
All of the things you said about yourself I concur! You are a wonderful woman, a great Mom, and hell I can vouvh for the fact that you look damn fine! I'd kill to look like you on a bad day!
ok so LL got the good h today...h called son to the door when he got home...had son give me 2 doz white roses and a big huge balloon from the kids...h then came in and gave me a nice hug and a kiss on the cheek..
after putting son to bed early (for being his fresh little self) h gave me a card from each kiddo and a card from himself and a gift cert for a roman holiday (manicure, pedicure, facial, hair, make-up and lunch) before then h gave me another hug...I went out and got the chineese..(was a good girl and called my nana to wish her a happy v-day) came home and ate while watching cnn ( actually with all that's going on I find it interesting though admit it makes me feel pretty ignorant of our gov and the world of politics but then they all seem pretty ignorant of eachother too) then h cuddled near me and started to be physical I didn't really want to but played along for a while but then pooped out..h was ok with that...
I thanked h for all the wonderful gifts and said do you know what my favorite gift was...h said "yes...I gave you two hugs" so then h if you know then why do you hold out??? why do you let me go for days on end thinking you just don't get it or you just don't care...to then be the h I want??
so then as they say...hop aboard the rollercoaster ride...it aint over yet!!
Waahoo!! Maybe we can get everyone here to do the wave for LL ... LOL
Actually, it just occured to me...I don't think your H has yet realized it is a consistant effort in order to make each day a better day. I truely believe he wants to LL, but probably is expecting that this stuff should just fall into place and doesn't realize that in order to make each day a better day, he has to put in an equal amount of effort if not more than he did the day before. He doesn't know that what he did today will not continue to carry the same momentum into tomorrow, but thinks it should. So he doesn't realize that he has to do it all over again, day after day.
Anyway, so glad to hear you received a warm Valentine from your husband.
