She will come home, or I'll find it in my own mind

[dlt1]

Hi Atlas,
From what you have described, this analysis of W makes sense. Just as you have been working on you, she needs to work on her. And it sounds like when she really does this, it will be much worse for her than it was for you. Your being her 'rock' I'm sure will pay its dividends in the long run (however long that may be). I agree you should avoid R talk. That's just too much for her. Perhaps when she brings it up, reassure her that you have plenty of time to figure it out. Keep it short.
I feel for you, my W is pretty down as well. Not to this extent, but it hurts knowing she hurts. It will be hard knowing all you can do is listen and be supportive. Keep up the good work!

[Matt-14]

I agree DLT1.

Atlas,

I think you are doing a really good job and I think one day she will wake up. My W does and says some of the same things and her family life wasn't good either. I told her some time ago that the one person that truely cares for you is the one that you are trying to push away. Probably shouldn't of said it but she she did agree.

Well, hang in there Atlas. Just imagine how well things will be and how well your R will be when she works through all of her issues.

It's going to take TIME though.

Matt

[Atlas]

Well I had a friend over last night and we talked about the sitch for some time. Basically, it came down to that he agreed with the my C.

I dropped S off this morning, w was cheerful and again didn't like when I left for work, wanted me to stick around. She seemed really calm and content this morning, I'm happy for her. Didn't ask about her night, but she volunteered that she stayed home and did a lot of thinking, but that is the extent of what was said.

She cancelled her dinner date for tonight, not sure why and didn't ask. I'd like to imagine that she thinks it isn't appropriate, but there really isn't a problem going to dinner with this friend of hers. This is her seragate father figure.

She asked about my weekend, and I said I had plans. But I said I wanted to pick S up after work and have him stay with me until Sunday or Monday morning. She sais sure, and that this would give her some much needed rest.

Then a little alient spew, haha. "How can you have plans this weekend and take S all weekend?" I replied, "I include him on my activities." Probably not the best answer, sort of a jab, but I swear she now sees S as cramping her style and nightlife. I'd love to have him with me full time, I'd do all I can to work from home then.

[Heimlich]

It really sounds like she's at the beginning stages of really starting to think about what she's doing and what she's losing.

Great job.

I don't think telling the W that your plans included your S is a jab, just a plain ol' statement of fact. It's only a jab if your W really does consider him a crimp on her lifestyle. And that's her problem, not yours.

I hate baseball, but I still remember my first trip to see the Astros play in the Astrodome. Good memories for you and your son.

A note of caution, I work at home. Unless they're sick and thus lifeless in front of the TV, kids at home is not good for productivity -- at least until they get to be 6ish.

BD

[Nomopo]

Hey A!

You have shown a lot of interest in the IMAGO stuff I am learning, so I wanted to share this link with you: IMAGO Home Page. There is tons of free info on here. Check it out. Pretty cool stuff.

Later,
Nomopo

[Atlas]

heimlich, gd, matt, dlt1 and nomo and everyone else,

thank you for your support and encouragement. i know we can all do this, i have started reading the success stories a few days ago and that is really helping with the pma. i suggest it highly.

journaling:
w calls just prior to lunch and is upset because s doesn't have a binki for a nap, having that thing at 2 and half is another deal in itself, but i wont' control. i could hear her breaking down over this little thing. so i asked her to hold on and checked the car. i had one and i work 5 minutes away. so i stopped by at lunch, and she seemed really happy to see me. didn't stay long though. i think this was made up, i just bought some for him the other night and left them all at her place.

then i picked s up at 5 after work. when i showed he was still asleep. so we hung out for about an hour. rubbed her feet. outside of our talk to other night, there is no talk of divorce. she even asked about me coaching tball when that comes.

so w goes out of her way to tell me again that she has cancelled her dinner date, and this time she says it was inappropriate. huh? that is what i said earlier and now she is saying it. it caught me so off guard all i said was that is too bad. funny thing is i really don't think it is inappropriate with him, unless she going to pull an anna nichol. haha

then she asks about the ballpark. tell her it is really nice and she would enjoy it. she doesn't like nba games, too many people and makes her nervous. told her the ballpark is a lot more open and spacious. then she tells me that she is staying home tonight and not doing anything. not sure if this was the case, but after words it seemed to hit like a ton of bricks. she cancels the date, asks about the ballpark, and then says she is staying in tonight. i think she wanted an invite extended. honestly, i have screwed that up too much lately, and couldn't take any more no's, so i'm not trying.

the thing that is really hitting me right now is my feelings. i know that i want her to be here, but i'm also getting these feelings of detachment. as in, i know in my heart if she showed at the door right now wanting to come back, i would be all about it. but i feel, crap can't really explain it. just not as commited i guess and i think my indiffrence is starting to show through. not in a bad way, i actually think she is struggling with the fact that how can he be so calm about all of this. i don't know, just feels odd.

oh forgot to add, w has dumped her new friends. i guess we will see if it sticks. her friend is drunk last night, goes to some guys apartment near by and asks to borrow his truck for a quick trip. he lets her, idiot. well she goes home and goes to sleep. a few hours later, police and guys are at my w's door, looking for his truck. w was not happy about this. somehow i just don't buy that friend knocks on the door and gets keys, i'm sure there are parties and such and they all know each other. ah, that is an a thought, need to d that in the butt, i don't know crap.

so great things are happening to w, just a joke. but i feel like we are getting closer, more relaxed around each other.

[Not Much Left]

Atlas
She seems to be moving your direction. Keep up what you are doing. The detachment on your side seems to be causing you to wonder if you are losing some feeling yourself? I dont think that is true so dont worry about it.

[NDDT]

LOL at binky...

[Matt-14]

the thing that is really hitting me right now is my feelings. i know that i want her to be here, but i'm also getting these feelings of detachment. as in, i know in my heart if she showed at the door right now wanting to come back, i would be all about it. but i feel, crap can't really explain it. just not as commited i guess and i think my indiffrence is starting to show through. not in a bad way, i actually think she is struggling with the fact that how can he be so calm about all of this. i don't know, just feels odd.

Atlas,
I know how you feel and what you are trying to say. I sometimes wonder how we would go on if things got better. I mean how do we start over? I guess it would be slow process...like we are falling in love all over again.

Hang in there. You the man!

Matt

[Heimlich]

Atlas,

Having the same feelings. I love my W and want her back, but I don't want the R we had for the past 4 years (in some aspects, I don't want our previous relationship, even when it was great, either). I'm doing my best to change, and I can pull that weight for quite a while, had forgotten how strong of a person I am, but she's eventually going to change herself to. Can she bend to accomadate me as I'm willing to do for her? Dunno.

I need to do a lot more thinking on this, but, yeah, I feel wishy-washy about this whole thing too everyone once in a while. Just not letting her see that.

Baseball today? If the W calls and hints around again, maybe ask her (or get there and ask her to bring a binky).

BD