The Plank is out of my eyes, but too late for WAW?

[Not Much Left]

Hey H
My thread locked after your last commentary.

What is ROTFL? I am sure there is a dirty word in there somewhere!

[Heimlich]

CVA,

ROTFL -- roll on the floor laughing.

We use this one alot in work-related IM's when our senior team makes another dumb-ass decision.

I'm sure I could think of something semi-filthy for it, but drawing a blank at the moment.

And, sweet, I locked one of GD's threads as well. My new goal in life, lurk and pounce on long threads to get them to lock up.

Had a rough night last night. For some reason, just got angry about the whole situation. Why am I doing this? Does she know what she's doing to our girls? Why is she being so effing stubborn? Why didn't she just tell me she was unhappy instead of talking to and screwing another man? Couldn't shake it. Ended up having a few drinks. Was too whipped from work to read and was watching TV, so one drink became two, then another. Blech. At least stopped there before I got too blasted. As I type this, it was probably spurred by knowing that she scheduled the mediation to move the D forward and that I didn't get a chance to talk to my girls last night. She knows I mute my cell when I host webinars and sometimes forget to turn the volume back on. Intead of calling a few times (I almost always notice the vibrate eventually), she just called once, then dropped the girls off with her parent's neighbors (W and in-laws went out to dinner last night), without trying more than once. Probably overreacting, but struck me as inconsiderate.

Just venting a bit. The mediation apt makes this all very real and I'm increasingly frustrated and disappointed in my W for not being willing to give it a real effort. Hell, she's even said she didn't give it her all before.

Ah, effe it for today. Back to work and a power lunch dance class at 2.

Hope everyone is having a good day,

BD

[Gone Dancin']

H,

I've got nada in the form of resources for splitting time with the kids. Really think about this schedule that W and I have decided on -- I'll try to make it more user-friendly!

Me with kids:

Wednesday, Thursday every week

W with kids:

Monday, Tuesday every week

W and I:

Friday, Saturday, Sunday every OTHER week



With this schedule, we both get every other weekend to GAL, but still have the kids for 2 days on those weeks. Then we have them for 5 days the other week, so we get lots of quality time with them, and get to do fun weekend things with them too.

I know of another couple that alternates weeks like you are thinking about doing, but have the kids stay with the other parent on the Wednesday of that week, so the kids at least have contact with the other parent in the middle of that seven day stretch.

I think that it is mentioned that the alternating week schedule isn't the best for the kids (younger ones in particular, though) because of how long it is before seeing the other parent. For young kids this is not the healthiest, but I would talk to a counselor/child psychologist to get a good explanation for the reasoning here.

Hope this helps!

GD

[Not Much Left]

H
We all feel ya as they say. As Nomo pts out, these feelings are to be expected.

I have a serious question for you. Given this is going to Mediation, have you REALLY tried DBing full force? I can say I dont think I have. What would you have to lose at this pt?

[Atlas]

Heimlich,

Hang in there. Don't let the mediation upset your effort. Some things have to be taken care of in life and that is one of them. Doesn't mean you have to stop DB'ing or throw your hands in the air. Just keep it going.

[Heimlich]

CVA/Atlas,

Thanks. Knowing it and feeling it are two different things though, eh? It stinks, we all know it stinks, I'm back on an even keel today. Just felt overwhelmed last night. Lots of deadlines at work, so some additional stress there.

I guess I've only really been DBing for a few weeks. I apologized to my W on June 16 and had really finally understood my role in all of this. Had only one or two R talks the following week, then drove to Louisiana with the girls. Read DR and most of DB while down there for three weeks. Drove back up on July 15 and have really been DBing only since then. Really only 6 days in person with my wife. I have been attempting many of the DBing techniques on my own before then, but was too hung up on the R talks and, most importantly, hadn't focused on me.

I do think there are some positives and I have a lot of faith in us and that we could work it out. Just gotta be patient. Ohm, Ohm, Ohm.

Need to start re-reading and working on goals for when she returns next Wed.

Thanks again,

BD

[delia]

Heimlich--

If you get a chance, check out Irish's thread in the Separated forum. Built4speed posted a link for her--a DB success story--which I think would be helpful for you to read. I found it helpful. Sorry I couldn't just post the same link here, but I'm kind of an idiot.

[Heimlich]

Thanks, Delia. I had found that the first day I came her and couldn't find it again. Saved and printed, it's great stuff.

Hope all is well with you,

BD

PS. The button at the top left of the 'message reply' box will allow you to add a link (the one with the blue circle, a globe I guess, adn the little infinity looking symbol).

[waw1978]

Hey there. Glad you stopped the boozing before you lost control. Good DB'ing..changing old negative habits. Anyway I understand where you are coming from with the visitation. Its not easy. I hope you work something out soon. I like GD's plan myself and hope thats what I end up working out with the H.

As far as you being angry about the A, you are justified.

can't put myself in your shoes, but as a WAW I can see how easy this trap would be to fall into. Your H isn't meeting your needs, you feel desparate. Some of us just leave, but others go this route. I guess the main thing to try and remember is that the A, wasn't about you or your fault. Your W did this on her own. I hope you can find the strength to get over the anger and hurt that this caused.

Hugs!

[Heimlich]

Thanks. I've really cut way back on the drinking. I love beer (and wine and scotch and whiskey), but have cut it out almost entirely as I continue to drop weight.

I'm liking GD's plan as well. I hope it doesn't come to that, but it does make a lot of sense.

I'm actually over the A. I'll never understand why she pulled the trigger on that and didn't talk to me. We were each other's first (I was a bit of a late bloomer) and I think partly why she did it was curiousity. Back in the winter/spring of 06 I had really started to make an effort to pull out of my funk -- began training for the Marine Corp Marathon and stopped, or thought I had, pressuring for sex. Wasn't perfect, but I had realized a problem and was starting to address it. Regardless, I understand now how she ended up feeling like she felt/feels. The anger I feel now is more about her selfishness in not truly acknowledging her role in our marriage difficulties, she's truly remorseful for the A, but hasn't really dug deeper than that. And, rather than doing the heavy lifting of trying to make our M right, she's running. That's what's pissing me off.

Ohm, Ohm, Ohm (or is it Om, Om, Om?) Isn't Ohm a unit of electrical measure or something?

Anyway, hugs right back atcha. Really interested in hearing how your H takes it when you lay out how you feel to him.

BD