She will come home, or I'll find it in my own mind

[Atlas]

well last night while out with friends at dinner w calls. i don't answer finally after the fourth call in a row, i answer. she is so happy and bubbly, w says "hey what are you doing?" tell her that i'm out with friends. she says well s and i are almost home. i'm thinking she is going to ask to see me, all upbeat. then she asks if i can come home. feel for it. said sure. w says "good, because sil is in town and i want to go out with her tonight, can you come get s?" she knows this, nothing pisses me off more then the lure invite to get someone to do something. i have a friend who does this all the time, so much so i actually call it doing a friends name. i'm always straighforward with people. tell them i'm going to do x, would you like to go if your not busy.

well i played it down, and said i was downtown and with the festivities going on down there last night, it was going to take like an hour to get home. she said don't worry, that is too late then, have a good time.

actually left after dinner, ruined my night to have a crash that quick on a call.

well went home and in bed early. woke up about an hour ago and missed call and vm. it is w, around 12:15am. she says "hey i wanted to talk to you but your probably sleeping like the rest of the world right now. maybe we can talk tomorrow if you don't mind."

she sounded really down, wish i didn't miss the call. the one good thing is w doesn't really call just for nothing. if she wants to talk we will talk. so i'm hoping this is good and going to think that way, because right now i can't imagine the other way, it will kill me.

i'll post up on what happens.

[Heimlich]

Atlas,
I hate that manipulative type of invite too. Annoying as all hell. Shouldn't have let it ruin your evening though.

All in all, sounds like your W is making some positive steps to reconnect. Baby steps, followed by a fall on the ass, followed by more babysteps.

And, whatever she says, it won't kill you. Just might feel that way for a few hours (slight attempt at levity there).

Fingers crossed for you,

BD

[Nomopo]

So so so many positives. The keys for you, IMO, are keep doing what you are doing, be patient, really ignore her pull backs and alien spew, and do no harm to your own cause (like last Fri night).

Nomo

[Atlas]

Heimlich and Nomopo,

Thanks for the positive comments. There are a lot of positives right now. Only thing that sucks is the up's are better then ever so the little down's are hurting pretty bad, and I'm trying to not seem anxious but I'm sure it shows.

Well I sent a text to her today to see if she was alright after last night. No response, but then again I just got a new phone and haven't tested the texting capability and there is nothign in the sent box. So like an idiot then I called, and left a VM. I hope the text never went out, this one or the ones yesterday, it will seem desperate. But in the vm, just said I was calling to check on her after last night to make sure she was alright. Left it at that. No return call. She is probably pulling back since she is scared about her feelings changing, that is my guess.

Well my mom has S today for a few hours prior to me heading home. My mom called to say that S is just filthy and hasn't eaten, W told her that. This is happening a couple of times a week now, W is the best mother and its like someone switched the light off in her head or something. I'm just lost how she thinks a 2 year old can go from 8am to 2:30pm without food.

Guess that explains why I have given away all our dogs. She always thought they were for fun, but never cleaned up after or took care of them. Low blow, shouldn't say it.

Oh, this last weekend I found a home for the lab. Lucky too, she wan't a puppy anymore but still played like one. Just wasnt' right to leave her out there.

Well, I'll see what happens tonight when she comes and gets S. Ought to be interesting.

[Atlas]

Speak of the devil and wham he appears!

W just called, she is cracking again. I don't mean as in a good way. Said that she can't file, and doesn't think she wants to file. Didn't say anything about working it out though. Said she now thinks she is ruining my, s's and her life. She said that while s seems happy with all the extra attention, she knows his pain from this is going to run deep and it his killing her. Told me that she has so many personal issues, and that she is crazy and I should file and get as far away from her as possible.

Calmed her down, she wants to talk after work. So might be a long night.

[Nomopo]

Of course that is cracking in a good way. You trying to drive yourself crazy?

[Atlas]

I guess I'm the pessimist when it comes to this. I'm usually the "it's all going to work itself out" kind of guy. But for some reason, I'm scared to death over this. I guess because I have never had this much on the table before.

Alright, I need to work out a plan of attack. Have to first have the PMA, picture of what it would look like if it went great. "No matter what rules", no yelling, confrontation, name calling, none of the four apocalyptic horsemen. Reread the IMAGO stuff, my DB outlines and notes, and keep asking myself if what I'm about to say or do going to get me closer to my goal?

I'll have to play this part by ear, but I have been working on an apology, it's not fully preped, things haven't been to where I wanted them so that I felt it was time. Well it might be time, so I better get some notes on that for review.

[Nomopo]

Reread my post before last to you and see if those 4 or 5 keys are clear for you. Do you know what I'm saying? To me that's all you have to. You are (or more accurately, your is) well on the way.

[Atlas]

nomo,

i got the keys:

quoting nomo: keep doing what you are doing, be patient, really ignore her pull backs and alien spew, and do no harm to your own cause (like last Fri night).

what i'm doing? be kind, responsive, helpful, there for her, IMAGO when she talks and just listen.

being patient? ha, my downfall, at work, home and with friends. really working on this. have to just hang in there and keep a good pma.

Ignoring the pull backs and the alien spew? this is tough, but in the last week i'm really learning to do this because her positives are coming closer in time after a pull back. part of the patient issue, but it sure makes it easier.

doing no harm to my own cause? learning this the hard way, fell down hard last friday but stood up and got right back on the wagon and working hard. no blow up's, won't yell, can't do that ever again. no blaming, i understand her actions now after reviewing my past self. still trying to lose that guy, but learning to count to ten in a lot of diffrent ways.

my plan tonight, follow her lead. may try my apology if it is the right time. don't want to do that when it will just upset her more. expect anything, she doesn't show and tells me take a hike, to that she is madly in love with me and wants to come home. ready for the whole spectrum.

hopefully i have something great to post soon, or at least a large baby step, but being realistic.

[dlt1]

Atlas,
Your methodical review is great. Taking a moment to stop feeling and start thinking is a great way to get composed before meeting/talking. I'm just learning to journal and review. Sounds like you have a goood approach. Sh*t happens and you gotta deal with that in some remote place away from the W and S. It sux, I know!! It really seems like you are attacking this in a positive way. That is a testament to your character. Walk tall knowing that you are conducting yourself in such a manner. Those without end without. I'm finding it's easier saidn then done! Just because you know how to act, doesn't mean you won't fly off the handle. Keep your focus, I beleive it's working.