The Plank is out of my eyes, but too late for WAW?

[Heimlich]

Ah, crap. She made scheduled the mediator meeting for August 16. Expected, but still sucks.

BD

[Steel_Box]

Don't stress too hard that she made the appt. That's all it is, an appointment. She already mentioned that it could be canceled, so look at it as her back up plan. If she is seeing changes and still confused she is going to do things to reassure herself that she can still get out. BUT, look at it as if she is considering trying but wants to throw out a safety net before she does.

Also, its a mediation appt right, not a D court date!

Remember to try and look at the positives.

Steel

[Atlas]

heimlich,

i think the signs you listed are great. i'm not to sure about the email exchange, w seems pretty short on words. but its been said all around these posts, i would put more stock in her actions and less in her words.

people will act on their feelings, but words can be analyzed and carefully chosen. just give her the space she wants, and keep up your changes and you will see her changes, and at the least your making great changes for you.

well maybe we are both nerdy but the weekend sounded like neat things to me. then again my wife is a women who could care less about the history on a trip and i'm standing there reading/listening about what happened on this spot. haha

[Heimlich]

Atlas and Steel,

Thanks for the sanity check. Much needed.

Words of wisdom from Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: DON'T PANIC!

I sent her a quick reply along the lines of, "I don't want to seem anxious to start this process, but do we need to do anything prior to the meeting?" Since one of her concerns was that I was going to go kicking and screaming into the D, this is kindof a 180 for me. Just hope it doesn't backfire.

Kind of a gut check last night, had the bottle of whiskey in my hand after I got the email. A few months ago, probably would've started pouring. Read about George Washington instead.

Atlas, open invite if you're ever in the DC area. All kinds of history and I'm a big sign reader myself.

bD

[delia]

Hi Heimlich--

There ought to plenty of opportunities during the mediation meeting to exhibit some 180's--maybe get in some affirmations, show as much calm as you can.

I know how you must feel--you knew it was coming, but you were hoping...Still, remember how long this process can be. You're trying to change someone else's mind, mainly by your own actions--but also by allowing that person the freedom to explore life without you.

Your wife seems to take a certain pride in her commitment to her word and the relentlessness of her follow-through. So mediation she must have, if only for her own pride. She is probably still serious about separation, but there are a lot of good signs for you, as well. You have to work on strengthening the doubt which I am sure she is already feeling.

It's impossible to know what someone else is thinking, but it's interesting to speculate. I sense that your wife is less sure of her course of action than she was when she wrote you the E-mail you've quoted. And even in the E-mail, she sounds like she's trying to buck herself up with severity.

So just you go into mediation like a DB warrior. You're a natural (except for sleeping through dance class).

By the way, I think I'll try your technique next time I have a whiskey bottle in hand. I'll just go read about George Washington.

[Atlas]

Heimlich,

Might have to take you up on that offer. I have a conference in DC in September. Right now the schedule is really tight though, but you never know what will happen.

I actually had one of the best tours of DC a few years ago with some friends of w's family I had just met. I kid you not, we are driving around dc with a cop and firefighter, beer in car, and stopping at accident scenes and other police vehicles to talke with them. Apparently, when your on that side of the law you are the law. I thought for sure we would be arrested at some point through the night.

I was there for the FIL's retirement, and actually got a tour of the pentagon post 911, which doesn't happen very often.

[Heimlich]

By the way, I think I'll try your technique next time I have a whiskey bottle in hand. I'll just go read about George Washington.

Heehee, that came out unintionally kindof funny. Seriously, GW was a pretty fascinating guy. Very aware of his finances, lost more battles than he won, oversaw a massacre that contributed to the beginning of the French and Indian War, came out of four military disasters (two his fault) as a young man with a better reputation than he went in with, ability to learn from his mistakes, and a keen sense of how to play politics and furhter his ambitions while seeming not too. Also, funny, he was 6' 2" with broad shoulders and hips. He always complained that his clothes (ordered from London) never fit, but he always gave instruction to make clothes for someone 6 foot even with regular proportions. Ah, vanity.

Anyway, I hope that my wife is trying to buck herself up. I am getting mixed messages and I am considering mediation as a continuation of DBing. And, I'm going to five dance classes this week, thank you. Getting the hang of the basic waltz, but the swing stuff is killing me. Feel like I've got three left feet.

Atlas,

Drop me a line at [e-mail]. I can't replicate the experience of drinking and driving WITH A COP. That must've been surreal. But, if you're interested in anything in particular in the area, lemme know. Curious, what kind of conference? IT?

BD

[delia]

So, did he have wooden teeth? I never really admired GW. But I like reading Civil War letters--generals really knew how to write in those days!

[Heimlich]

Nope, some strange contraption of ivory/bone and metal. Dentures used to also contain real teeth, but don't think his did.

Grant's autobiography is really good, or at least the 60 or so pages I got into it before I got distracted by all of this stuff last October.

BD

[waw1978]

Hey H

Just getting caught up on your sitch. I am laughing about the whiskey comment. Prior to this whole sitch I used to be avid wine drinker...buts its been about 2 months since I indulged. I never realized how much I drank until I noticed that my wine case had about 2 cases worth of wine in it. I used to run out even though I get a case a month delivered.

I am really sorry that your going through this with your W. I hope the tide changes and she decides your M is worth working on. Thank you for all your imput on my sitch as well. You advice is always welcomed.