Atlas, you know you're his Daddy in the sense that you love him, care for him, miss him, want to be with him, want to protect him and all those other things that make up YOUR understanding of the word Daddy.
To him, at his age, Daddy is just a term used for another male. Kids at school get all embarassed when they call the teacher Mum or Dad. They forget themselves to them it's just a name.
It's important that you don't forget who you are. Of course you want to be called Daddy but don't let your boy derail you - he doesn't mean it.
I fully understand to him it is just a term, but what it does tell me is that someone is there. I don't think my W would ever teach him to call someone that. Everything is a label at that age, we spent 30 minutes last night learning about thumbs, finders and the whole hand. He is a great little boy.
Well I filled out all the paper work and split everything 50/50 as she wants. She will not like it. I'm going to sit on it for a while and think. Just lay low and have some fun with friends this coming weekend. I do have to say for the first time in over a month I really slept, had some breakfast and overall feel calm and relaxed. I'm sure its due to a misguided perception of control.
I would really sit on the papers until you know for sure it is what you want. I would not try and use them to get a reaction or scare her straight or anything else like that. I think that if you are serious about D, then by all means go for it. But until you are, I would not do anything with the papers. I believe there are several people (LBSs) on here that filed for D and regretted doing so after. Just my .02.
I agree, i'm not going to use them as a manipulation tool. I'll know when I have hit my point and then I will file. That is it.
On to a DB'ing moment, I really think my new stance has really given my "As if" a whole new jumpstart. W called at 9:00 am, can't believe she is up!! to say how sweet I am. She is slammed at work and last night I text'ed her and asked if she needed anything. She said no but thanks. So then she proceeds to talk to me like nothing is going on, work sucks, this and that. Asks if I can watch S this Monday, say that I will. What is she doing all the time? I'm going to file for full custody if I'm watching him all the time. Sorry side note. Then is her sincere tone she asks if i'm all right, said just fine.
So I said I had to get back to work, and that I would see her tonight. Maybe me knowing that I have the papers and just have to go see the clerk is enough to prop me up to DB correctly and not let things get to me.
I think after this weekend the smokes will be put down, so watch out, think I'm pissed now, oh we have only begun.
Well the day has been pretty uneventful since the call at 9am. S and I are having a good time, he loves playing baseball in the backyard.
I am meeting a friend for a quick drink just down the street, so after W picks up S tonight I'm heading out for an hour or so. Nothing big, he is studying hard and doesn't have a lot of time.
I really got a positive out of the text I sent last night, I know it is chasing and contacting her, but to get a call this morning early about how sweet I am for doing that, hmmm. Maybe have to try that again.
S and I are going to a baseball game tomorrow night, I'm excited, his first game. I plan on draping that kid in goodies, out to be a good time.
Well things are defiantly slowing down, and the dust seems to be settling at least in my mind. So a little journaling is appropriate.
Wednesday night was really stressful for W at work, she had worried about it all day. I sent her a text that evening saying I hope work was going well. Today I get a call where W tells me how sweet I am. Yippy!! Still is making my day.
Although I got this call everything seems like all business. I think I through her for a loop today, I was taking the S to a ballgame tonight. So I called my W at lunch and said I would like to keep S tonight and bring him back in the morning, that way she could go out and do what she wanted to do and S and I wouldn’t have to worry about how late we were out.
She didn’t even acknowledge it at first, she asked what I did last night. When she showed up, I was going to meet a friend for a quick drink, but I was all decked out. I told her I was just going out. She asked with whom, told her some friends. She sounded pretty down, I felt bad but she is out every chance she gets. Some double standard.
Well then I said alright you have a fun night tonight, I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t know if I am playing to many games. But I am out having fun. Also, make my night, it’s college night at the game and a whole entire sorority shows up right next to me. Had some good conversation, but that was all. Sure helps when the S is a ladies man.
Well the phone bill arrived and I shouldn’t but I couldn’t help it. Noticed there are now no calls to guys. Good thing. Also I noticed, I’ve been keeping a very detailed journal to figure out what works and doesn’t. Well W calls her one sister when she calls and compliments, or I am nice. When it is just business or no real positive just neutral or nasty or her part, she calls the other SIL or the same friend. Seems to show a certain support coming from certain directions.
This is sad but also sort of funny, W meet the second guy about 2 weeks ago. Everything changed, new clothes, music, attitude, slang, everything. Well early this week all the sudden back to herself. The calls from him ended earlier this week. This really helped me out as well, since now all men are pigs. Thanks OM for really helping my cause. I know that if I’m the rock and crap keep happening to her out in the big bad world, she will turn this way.
All I can say at this point, is I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing for now. Seems to get some good responses here and there, its just slow and I don’t like watching her hurt, wish I could comfort her, but I have to wait. Also S tells me tonight, after I we were talking about it being dark, “Mommy cries at night.” Poor kid, watching all this happen. Just stuck to the same plan, Mommy is a good mom and loves you, next time hug her and say I love you.
He loved the game, sat through the 5th inning, and loved it. He was just glued to the game. Got him the batting helmet, finger, the ball and bat. He is in there sleeping with all of them. Came within about 10 feet of a foul, that would have just been the cherry on top for him.
Sounds like things are trending back up. I normally wouldn't recommend this, but maybe hang onto those smokes so you don't snap at the W. Only sort of kidding.
I know this is tough for your son, but my parents split when I was a little younger than yours. I'm sure it was tough at the time, but I don't remember anything from that time. Maybe just a thought to help see you through.
My fingers are crossed for you that you are the third and final guy.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Thanks for the advice with the S. I don't take too much of it to heart, basically if I asked him if he meet bigbird today, he would probably say yes. He has his nights, sometimes W says crying for me, sometimes he is crying for her. Sad defiently, but I'm doing all I can to keep up the DB'ing.
I wanted to add something about the 180. It is now 4th time I have read that section through. Have I been mistaken or what, I thought it meant to do the opposite according to the sitch. But, I need to do the opposite of what got me here. I have been reading the journal a lot and find that when I am there for her, she responds well, when I am busy or distant she turns to other sources. This is one of her largest complaints. So I have to not put a timeline on this, as in pre and post seperation. This includes pre as well when analyzing the 180 choices. So I cancelled, well W thinks, a weekend trip this weekend. I was heading out with the guys, but one had a bad dirt bike accident and is out of commission. So the weekend is cancelled, but I played it off as if I wanted to be here and with S, she was pleased. I don't want to be door mate, but I really think that if I let her run, keep her out of my mind, and when she does call, I can help or do what she needs, she really turns. At this point I'm willing to do anything to see the positives and I just want things to work.
The really amazing part about DB'ing is that is isn't so much you see who your friends are, but you see which one's support or think clearly about what your saying. My sister is amazing at analyzing this and great support and help, my parents are nuts and basically give the worst advice. I have one friend who is going through a D and I hate to say this, but it is one that needs to happen. There is no one that thinks diffrently on this, but he doesn't get it, trying to avoid him because it doesn't help, have told him to support, but he still doesn't get it. Sort of hard when you have known the guy since kids, but I can't have any negativity in my life right now.
Well tomorrow should be fun, it is the classic art stroll. Not really an art person, but have a lot of artist friends, and the people watching is worth all of it. Plus they end up completely wasted and some fun stuff will happen. Later everyone is going to a friends just down the street, so it will be a good night, I'm excited.
Dropped S off. Got him some breakfast and W her coffee. She said thanks. S walked in with all his baseball game fanfare. I noticed, well it placed on the counter all alone right towards me as I walked in, a post note. It read "I meet you last night..." didn't see the rest and pretended not to notice. Never looked at it again. Even with that I think it was a positive experiance.
W said thanks for the coffee, and said she wished I could stick around for a while. Had to get to work. Not sure when it happened but we were sitting on the couch and I was playing with S, she sort of nudged me with her foot and just instinctively picked it up and started the foot rub. When I got up, she gave out a whiny, "No, don't go!"
Hard to say, I'm being 180 diffrent then what I think she would expect out of me right now. But I also think I'm letting her have her cake and eat it too. I just get huge steps like that though, when I'm there for her. When I ignore the calls and such, it just turns into a backstep. I don't want to answer the phone every time she calls, or be there every part of the day while she is out at the bars every night.
I guess I keep doing what I am doing, and the positive steps are positive. I'll give this more time, but if the positives don't become greater ones in a few weeks, I'll have to throw in a change up or something. Plenty of time to think about that though.
Almost a whole week without D talk. Yaaa! Almost a whole week without any real talk! Boooo! Just making the best of the little amount of time that she will give me. Also, I offered W to come to the game, and I read in someone elses post how that puts the WAW in such a bad position. They don't feel like going, and then they are put in a place of being the bad person again and saying no. So, I'll keep my trap shut about invites.
W also mentioned that she may go up to the house today to do some work. That is good, hope she feels comfortable going there and being there.
Well W just called and asked if I would switch next weekend for Friday with the S instead of Saturday. Said sure, no problem. Then she tosses out that she has a dinner date she doesn't want to miss.
Well we did have an agreement that no dating during the seperation, but I have seen how that is going. The other thing is she said with a co-worker. I don't know the people at here work very well, but the ones I do I'm not worried about. Unless it is with a Cop or one of her bosses, speaking of which she has talked about one of her bosses pretty affectionately before. Hmmm,
Can't let my mind run away with this. I'm really getting tire of her games though, and I'm not sure how much longer I really want to save this marriage with this kind of stuff being thrown in my face.
I just went through five days of deciding to work on this, now I'm right back to unsure. Sad part is that I would probably come out pretty clean from the D financially, I'm just really thinking of moving on.
