Please let me start my first post as a HUGE thanks to you all. Although I just registered today, my drama began in May of 2005. I'll admit that I was very angry for the first couple of months when he left after 15 years in July 2005, but that energy soon turned to DB-ing my butt off.
I apologize for "lurking" all this time, but it is so comforting to read your threads and learn from your postings and replies to each other. You are each other's rock. I have read DR more times than I can count, and even had 4 telephone sessions with Laurie
I finally post to you today because I think I have something to add.
My story is long & has many ups & downs. But...my MLC-er recently popped his head out of the tunnel...YES, it finally does happen. At this point, he refuses to give up ow (not capitalized per MotherMovingOn), but is willing to finally spend a little time with me. So far, it has only been a handful of times and not more than 3 or 4 hours each time. No hand holding or affection other than a quick kiss when he leaves. Then, he leaves & my head spins in a million directions.
But this is HUGE considering he took off to meet her family at Christmas and told me that we would never be together again because his feelings for me were gone forever.
This month, he has said: I don't know (many, many times) I just need some time I'm not ready to commit I know what you want. No promises or guarantees, but we'll see what happens. Notice when I make efforts - even if they are small ones
This is such an exhausting journey for us all. I pray for the happiness we deserve. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((EVERYONE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am glad you are posting. I hope you will continue to do so. There are many here who are also in the same stage you are in in this MLCBS. It really does get better. They watch us like hawks all of the time, that is why we need to be our best and work on ourselves. You will be better then just OK when this crisis is over. It is the piecing that is the hardest part.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I'm so glad you are posting as well. You and I began this at the same time. My H moved out at the same time as yours did. Much has happened to me since then. I have to agree with you---they do pop out of the tunnel but it takes a veeeeeeerrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy long time. I know that can be discouraging to the new folks here, but it's the truth. Please keep on posting and updating. You are well into this. He may be starting to come out of it. How have YOU taken care of yourself all this time?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Glad to see this forum does help lurkers who are on their own journey, but still a part of our horrid little world.
Glad you have not lost your patience, although you may be getting a bit anxious over his recent comments. If you have read enough posts and done your homework you will know he is a long way from being fully baked. Stop watching the oven and do things for yourself. Be spectacular. That is something he will notice.
Live A Better Life than he is or the OW. Make the whole dang world want to be like you. This will make you happy with yourself despite where he is on the roller coaster. As long as you have been on this ride, you need to avoid any big drops that you can.
You seem up to speed, so you know not to loose Patience Patience Patience
Thanks BND & hopefloats7 for your welcoming & encouraging words.
15 years deep, I was oblivious to the fact that I didn't have many friends at all. For the first 8 months, I stayed alone in my house every day & wished away the weekends. Then, I called my cousin that I used to be very close with. She was happy to hear from me & said "come on over". She always has a house full. I don't know what I'd do without her & the rest of her family.
I'm not sure that H is actually coming out of it. He is still somewhat cold, but I have endured way worse. He won't tell ow he is in contact with me. When I asked if he plans to reduce the time they spend together, he told me not to get ahead of what we're doing. I guess that's a big NO.
I have suffered a lot of rejection in the last 2 years. My self esteem has taken quite a beating.
You are SO right about being anxious. I have to hold my tongue each time we talk so as not to ask about the R or ow.
I am really trying to live a better life. I want to be noticed, but patience is so NOT my best virtue!
I used to think I wanted him back no matter what - fixed, broken, whatever. Thanks to what I've read here, I now know that I must wait until he's sure.
I just stopped by to offer you a big HUG. Sounds like you could use one.
Was is so right about not watching the oven. I know your tired of all this and want to be noticed. Me too. Hell, I've lost 60 lbs and nary a word. Honestly though I didn't do it for him. Granted most of that was the LBS diet, but it still counts. I look good for me and it helps me feel so much better.
What are you doing to live a better life if I may ask?It's so important. I know you know, but we still need to be reminded and to have some goals for ourselves. It's too easy to get lost in all this otherwise.
Patience is a virtue. Virtue is a grace. Grace is a little girl. Who wouldn't wash her face.
