close to decision time don't know what to do

[bit1607]

just want to give everyone and update on something that could be great news.

i have been seeing a lawyer about sending my wife formal sep. papers and am doing so this weekend. well i emailed her yesterday because i wanted to give her a heads up and let her know they were coming. i emailed and told her i needed to talk to her. she called and emailed back within 5 minutes.

we finally talked for about and hour and she then came over. first time i have seen her in a couple of months.

when she got here she hugged me and started bawling her eyes out. we had a great visit kissed and hugged and talked alot. she then had to leave for her second job. well she called an half hour later because they sent her home because she couldn't stop crying. she called me again and we went out to dinner. talked alot she basically confirmed alot of my thoughts during this whole sep.

i just wanted to give people a decent story i am by no means back with her but it was an encourging visit. have faith everyone you never know what they are going through.

[NMHurting]

Thanks for that bit..some of us are having a hard time holding onto hope (namely me). That's great to hear and I wish you the best.

[JR2007]

Dude, I was JUST thinking about you the other day.

I am so glad to hear you had a positive experience FINALLY! That is sweeeeeet!

So what else is going on, how are things for YOU?

[bit1607]

yeh it was great. i need to be prepared for a slow process though. she already has backed off a little and did not return a phone call from yesterday. she was such an emotional wreck wed. i wanted to see how she was doing. but this will def. be at her speed and i can't allow her to put me back on the roller coaster. she admitted how confused she still is and i have to accept that but in some ways i wish i was never teased.

i am doing well otherwise staying busy. i workout a ton, bike between 30 and 40 miles a day, lift everyday, and i play in a couple of mens basketball leagues. plus i live at the shore and summers are nuts so my sociol life is great.

[JR2007]

Nice dude.

I don't know if you've checked this out, but go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and check out David's stuff. I'd recommend getting his book. He has some great stuff that can be done FOR YOU that can work right into DBing, or whatever else you might be doing. It'll help you find your confidence and help you really know what your W is saying when you talk to her. It works too.

Don't be a stranger!

[bit1607]

thanks jr

well i guess i am back for a while. i need to stay patient. i was ready to throw in the towell and she has thrown a wrinkle into it.

she is very confused which i guess is a step up from before bc she never would have admitted to being confused. before it was i am 1000 percent sure that i don't want to be with him. so anyway we talked yesterday i had to intiate the call again i def. back slid a little by wanting answers out of her. she said she doesn't know she is confused. well so am i, not about how i feel about her but what is best for me.
she did make the comment that she doesn't know if there was a connection between us. i find that to be complete bs heck it seemed like there was a connection when she was kissing me.

so we left that we would go out on occasion and test the waters, no expectation, if something happens it happens. i am a little confused about the events of the past couple of days. is it normal for them to back off once they show you so much? i need help to not screw this up. anyone with great advice i would love to hear it.

[JR2007]

Um yeah dude. I think you'll find it almost universal that when they show some emotion and appear to be headed back to you, they back off a bit, sometimes more than a bit.

Check with Catfan, or 789, or even me to a lesser extent. I had the 2nd meeting with my W 3 weeks ago! She was thinking about giving us another chance, and now NOTHING for 3 weeks. Wanna talk about backing off??? LOL!

So, it's normal but you can deal with it, if she's important enough to you.

Have a great day!!!

[bit1607]

yeah well i am impatient that is for sure. if i ask her out a couple of times and she doesn't comply then i will give up fast. i have been through this long enough. she is going to have to sh*t or get off the pot. i was ready to move on and she is the one that showed the feelings and emotions. i am going to talk to my brother in law tommorrow and guage what he thinks. they talk alot and he was trying to explain to her on sat. that it is normal that the first dates are going to feel a little awkward. my wife has said that she doesn't know if there was a connection or not when we were out. i think it was nerves. when she came over in the afternoon and did't have time to think about what was happening and we were kissing there was def. a connection. plus after the kissing and sitting on lap encounter is when she became and emotional mess. if there was nothing there she would have left and wouldn't have felt a think never mind feeling so much that she had to be sent home from work because she couldn't stop crying.

alright going out for a couple of cold ones sunday nights at the shore is a good night.

[catfan]

bit, impatience will kill it all for the two of you so you have to very, very carefully manage your expectations here. (Pot calling the kettle black here too.)

A couple of things from a bit of experience with WAW that apparently is somewhat coming back a bit. Expect pullback after each positive move forward. Remember 2 steps forward, one step back. But it's one step further than you were before.

As for the separation papers, be really, really, really careful here. My wife probably did more harm than anything when she sprang them on me back a month or so ago. To that point we have been moving forward at a pretty good clip. I'll admit to being a mess for a couple of weeks after the first draft arrived. I think she realized how bad that was and now isn't so much in a rush to get it done. (Hopefully I am not misreading the situation here.) So if you can delay the papers a week or what ever that might be a good thing assuming you two already are working off a basic verbal agreement.

Good luck my friend! Remember Positive Mental Attitude!

[789]

Well I can't tell you if you have been thru this long enough. But I saw my name mentioned a page back and ended up reading all your threads. You do have the 2 steps forward and 1 step backwards working real well with her, I do not believe that is a bad thing.

One thing I did notice thru-out your threads, you keep repeating yourself about how you know it is not time to give up. Not sure if it is time or not, but I don't think you believe yourself that it is time. Just the other day you were as excited as all heck, then two days later you were ready to move on, that sounds like alot of us in here. I would take those 2 steps forward and 1 step back for a long time as long as they kept comming. I would gather that she may be just as confused about her feelings daily as you are, is it worth giving her the benefit of doubt about that?

And what about the kissing in your last post, I have not had a kiss since end of February or beginning of March, will trade you any day of the week for that. Also sent home from work because she couldn't stop crying, well you have to know she is thinking, that is always a good sign. I always wonder if my wife thinks at all about us, you know yours is thinking.

I guess what I am saying in all this is that you have to do what is best for you and your well-being. Just don't do anything in haste or anger, you have alot of baby steps from your wife that many of us in here would love to have.

One thing that helps me recently is, what if I filed to either get her back, doubt that would work, or to just end it all and the pain. Well in thinking about it, I figure I would not be doing anything different, I know I am not ready to date, I know I am not looking for anyone or having any one chase me. So whether I file or not, nothing changes, so why do it. If she wants a divorce, she can do the work and file, my life would not change. Then again, if I don't, and she has all this time with nothing going on, she might realize I am the greatest catch on earth. "no offense to you other guys, but someone has to be the greatest "

Do what you must do, just make sure it is the right decision for you and what the consequences would be.