well i guess i locked another thread, hopefully rainbow will help me out again.
well bad hangover today went to ball game and of course out afterwards. the next day stinks!!!!! god i get depressed the day after.
i really feel like calling her today but i think i need to chill for a while. she needs to miss me and getting a phone call weekly isn't going to help. but i am getting to the point where i need some closure. i think a month of not much but when there is interaction being very friendly, and then set up a meeting where i validate her feelings agree with her wanting to split and start the divorce process. i cant put my life in a stalemate much longer.
j ryan thanks for your post she does need to know that i am her best friend and she really appreciated the phone call the other day so i am hoping i get one sometime soon.
Let me ask you something, What's your big hurry? If you're committed to the relationship that is supposed to be forever, what's the big deal with a few months or even a year? I can't even imagine how hard it is, I've only been at this about 6 weeks, so I'm hardly an expert, but that's my thought process. I'm 100% dedicated to my wife and son and I'll wait as long as it takes for her to feel the same way. If she doesn't, well I'll be ok there too because of all the good things I'm doing for myself while I wait. Just think about it...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
because what she has done is not right. how long can we let someone hold us hostage and feeling like this. we can't let go on forever. if there was a guarantee it would be a different thing but there isn't. my wife says we should do it now because we would end up divorced in ten years anyway.(who says that) my wife has verbally given me no hope. just because i file doesn't mean i can't go back. the fact that my wife hasn't filed and the fact that when i told her i needed to talk to her she called me 12 times in one day plus visited and sent 2 emails, makes me think that if i file it maybe the exact wake up call she needs. at least i will get some type of closure one way or the other.
if i had kids it would be different, and if i had more time invested but i was only married 6 months before the seperation.
hey jryan do you know how to link the old threads?
because what she has done is not right. how long can we let someone hold us hostage and feeling like this. we can't let go on forever. if there was a guarantee it would be a different thing but there isn't. my wife says we should do it now because we would end up divorced in ten years anyway.(who says that) my wife has verbally given me no hope. just because i file doesn't mean i can't go back. the fact that my wife hasn't filed and the fact that when i told her i needed to talk to her she called me 12 times in one day plus visited and sent 2 emails, makes me think that if i file it maybe the exact wake up call she needs. at least i will get some type of closure one way or the other.
if i had kids it would be different, and if i had more time invested but i was only married 6 months before the seperation.
hey jryan do you know how to link the old threads?
All good points, just gotta see what is really important to you and go for it. Good point about filing, my wife filed on day 1 of our S and so far nothing has really happened with that. We have temporary orders and that is totally scary and it really sucks, but at least she's not freaking out demanding a divorce RIGHT NOW, like I thought she was going to do (we'll see what she says next week with our church leader). Little things matter a lot I guess. The TPO sucks too but those aren't the things that got me to start changing myself - it was seeing how sad my wife looked in court the first day, it broke my heart and I vowed to never do that to ANYONE let alone the woman I share my life with and have children with! It was such an epiphany. Anyway, I'm rambling. Good luck with your decision. If you do file, be cool about it. No sense getting all worked up over it and ruining things for you even further. Protect yourself and feel good about yourself. Just remember Lawyers make the process cold and heartless, don't let that make YOU that way. I'm battling that right now...
To link a thread, right click on the title of the thread, choose "properties" then copy and paste the URL (scroll down to make sure you get the whole thing, it's long). Then go to where you want to paste it and click the link button (upper lefthand of of your text window) and follow the prompts. Good luck!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
hoping to do it without lawyers. number 1 i don't think she can afford one. number 2 after such a short marriage she is not entitled to anything. there is a place in nj where you can get a divorce filed for $700 and i have brought it up several times and she ignores it or gives a reason why we have to wait. i just paid for a wedding and honeymoon i am not real keen on paying for a divorce as well.
i cant do this for a year. i need to move on before that. this uncertainity is the worst part.
yeah that is a typical statement out of my wife during all this. she is negative. she said i married her b/c i was getting older and settled, then she said i married her b/c i liked her family and not her.
thanks for checking out my thread i will check out yours
hoping to do it without lawyers. number 1 i don't think she can afford one. number 2 after such a short marriage she is not entitled to anything. there is a place in nj where you can get a divorce filed for $700 and i have brought it up several times and she ignores it or gives a reason why we have to wait. i just paid for a wedding and honeymoon i am not real keen on paying for a divorce as well.
Well that means they're probably para-legals doing the paperwork and they'll be just as cold and heartless. They don't care about you they just want to get the paperwork done and move on to the next case. Anyway, I'm not trying to talk you out of filing, just be prepared for the different feelings. I thought the TPO was bad enough but when her lawyer brought me the papers and I saw they were dated the same day, I was devastated. It took some serious getting used to (well as "used to" getting divorced as you can be I guess).
You're in a tough spot, again I commend you for sticking it out. I know most people would have bailed after such a short time. And you're young and can find someone else pretty quick, if you so desire. Good luck man! I can't say that enough...
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Well you are right, having kids does change the landscape of all this quite a bit, but I can tell you that I never would have expected to be doing this for over a year. To be honest, during that time I have been up and down a lot, and I have made good choices and some bad ones. I have educated myself about my W's serious issues and now see her with more realistic eyes. I have also learned a great deal about myself and have gone a loooong way at making myself a better, healthier, stronger person. So in the end, even if all does go badly, I will not regret the year plus that has been spent trying to save it all.
Stand up for what is right, even if you are standing alone.
Well you are right, having kids does change the landscape of all this quite a bit, but I can tell you that I never would have expected to be doing this for over a year. To be honest, during that time I have been up and down a lot, and I have made good choices and some bad ones. I have educated myself about my W's serious issues and now see her with more realistic eyes. I have also learned a great deal about myself and have gone a loooong way at making myself a better, healthier, stronger person. So in the end, even if all does go badly, I will not regret the year plus that has been spent trying to save it all.
And you'll know without a doubt you did everything you could to save your M, that will be key to your future happiness. That's why I've been kind of suggesting to Bit that he relax a bit but when you've been separated longer than you've been together well, that's a whole other thing...I think he's stud for sticking it out as long as he has.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
