Quote: why does everyone see progress and i don't???
Because we're the same people who see your daughter after awhile and say, "Man, has SHE grown!" And you look down and say, "Really?"
You're so busy trying to find your way through the forest that you can't see what else is in there. You can't be in it and know, so just trust the people who tell you that you're heading out of it.
((((Kitti)))))
You're doing a great job.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hey KK there is obvious progress. You dont see it because your in it, we see it because we are on the outside looking in. You are about to turna corner it looks like with H. Just let it happen it will. Look who's giving you advice funny huh. But its just my opinion and it not much.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming –
WOW -- What a Ride!
ron - thanks for stopping by - sorry i haven't been that available lately to help you thru your crisis. it means alot that you did stop by - i told you that the best way to get good at db'n is to start helping other people!!!
betsey - ah, well, an illustration i can use! thank you for that darlin, that makes perfect sense. since i cannot see the forest thru the trees, i will just continue to take ya'lls word for it
opt - very possible. but here is the thing opt, here he has a person that loves him thru all his faults and even this mess and he is not taking advantage of that love...oh well, just like kaw says, OCEAN LINER
kevin - thanks for stopping by - guilt, yeah, i know that well, been dealing with guilt for a long while - so i should try to be a little bit more understanding about it eh???
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POSITIVES
1) you will never guess what we did last night???? you guessed, oh how hard was that??? oh yes, another MOVIE - LOL - this one was pretty intense and he actually let me get a little close to him at times cause i was a bit scared
2) went to sunday bible meeting together as a family yesterday, interesting topics and will share in my journaling, just what i needed to hear
3) wanted me to watch him play video game again - what is with all this time he wants me to spend with him???
4) wanted me to start another grocery list, guess he is staying for another week! LOL
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just journaling (kinda biblical so if it offends anyone i am sorry)
ok, had a long discussion with t2 yesterday morning about my dreams. they have been pretty wicked as of late. it seems tho that after i have my dreams things are happening during the day that become pretty FREAKY
t2 helped me to understand that my dreams are just my insecurities coming out, my fears, real or imagined.
with this california trip i am planning it seems that i am having most of these dreams because that is the life that i left behind, and now i have to go and face it headon
there was a part in our bible study meeting yesterday that pretty much fit my sitch...
the topic was to keep silent and wait longingly - from a scripture in ps 37:7 - it talked about waiting on god because he works in his own time. that now is th time to avoid rash acts that can rob us of our joy and spiritual security.
now is the time to resist ever more strongly the corrupting influence of satan's world.
we need to constantly banish immoral thoughts and avoid unseemly acts toward those of the opposite or indeed, the same sex which was a thought taken from col 3:5
based on my dream the night before last (dreamt of the girl that i almost spent the rest of my life with) i felt like god was talking straight to me -
satan is working overtime and i have to watch his influence and how he directs my thinking, even in my slumber, and i have to realize what that is, just dreams, just fears manifesting themselves
so even god himself is telling me to wait patiently...
read something VERY interesting this morning and i am going to borrow it, thank you Soup
Quote: ATTITUDE
The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.
Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready.
As she manoeuvred her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window.
"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait."
"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it ..
"It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up.
I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ... just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account ... you withdraw from what you've put in .. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less
That's in Phillipians. It also says "don't worry about tomorrow, tomnorrow will take care of itself. You have enough just today. How true is that???
Kitti, please read my lastest post and see what you think. I'm burned out and am fading fast on caring if I reconcile or not. I'm sure glad your doing good though! Keep it up, you've earned this happiness your enjoying. Rachael
Kitti, I think the reason you don't see your progress is because of what I see as a filter through which victims of childhood abuse-controll-neglect see the world. You see a distorted picture. You have been listing positives specifically eg. 2 movies in one night. An outside observer sees the facts in these posts. The key to all of this is to start seeing accurately. Focus on these objective changes that we all are seeing in your posts. You have been conditioned with "no I can't" in your past but the objective proof now is "yes I can". Keep it going. Also, on the Bible's advice keep in mind that it is advice meant to help you succeed, not to threaten you. When Satan offered Eve the fruit, fear did not work. What would have worked would have been her uderstanding that God wanted her to be happy and successful and he was giving her positive advice. Read your own posts over. They sound like a court trial of objective facts that prove you are slowly making this marriage work. The world tells you you can't fix your marriage. The facts show that's a lie; you can and you are.
kim - no kidding - isn't it amazing how so many of the db principles are actually BIBLICAL principles?
rachel - thanks for stopping by - in reading over your last few posts i get a sneaky sense of "indifference" - that is a scary place to be because indifference is the opposite of love - i can certainly understand that you are tired of this mess, and maybe this is your way of getting thru it, but remember we have to detach with LOVE
blair - leave it to a lawyer to draw the "facts" out and make me see the light. living day to day in this sort of situation is truly a test of faith - and what is faith? the assured expectation of things hoped for - the reality of which you have not beheld - ok ok, point taken!
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POSITIVES
1) ok, another movie down! yup, last night we watched ANOTHER movie
2) boys got into a little scramble with neighbors kids, hubby went a tad ballistic. when all got explained, things calmed down. whenever this has happened before, i usually come to the boys defense, cause hubby can be a bit hard on them. well this time i just let him be, only spoke when he asked me a ?
i do believe that he appreciated it, cause the rest of the night it wasn't discussed, and him and i actually enjoyed the movie - "more of the same" would have been both of us moping around with him usually mad at me for butting in
Kitty, Your smart handling of the discipline matter points something out. In talking to many people I find strict ones marry more lenient ones every time. The real truth is neither, alone, are properly balanced (that's one reason single parents have a tough time). If both exercise love, they compromise on the correct balance. I think it's designed that way by God. If spouses get critical and polerized, that is a disaster. I was at the 2002 SmartMarriages convention in Washington. Michelle gave one of the two key speeches called "Guerilla Divorce Busting". It was one of the great speeches; I bought the video when I got back. In the tape she outlined her success with her own husband in one instance bydoing exactly what you did. By the way it is amazing how DB principles follow the Bible and work. If you want to study that more check out www.smartmarriages.com and how other competent psychologists who haven't taken the bait of the divorce lie are proving the Bible right despite a world that says it's wrong. I always note the similarity between the pro-divorce "experts" and the Bible's Babylon Majic Practicing Priests. Back then these idiots had credibility. Can't you just hear them all saying "Everyone knows if you sacrifice your babies to Baal your crops grow!" Later, good science proved them wrong. Now "social science" says divorce is often necessary. Isn't it funny how the smart and open minded social scientists (like Michelle) are proving the others to be more just advocates of what the Federal Courts now clearly see as "junk science".
You have amazing patience. I believe you are listening and obeying the Holy Spirit, who will guide you and you will without a doubt know that you are doing the right thing.
Your H is moving towards you Kitti, not away from you. There could be any number of reasons for the lack of intimacy right now. My guess is none of which have anything to do with you.
There is progress being made here. Things will naturally progress. Rachael
