Stillmlc

[Gettingoverit]

I haven't posted for quite awhile but I still come and read and learn. It's been 3 years and still no sign that he's " cooked " yet! He had still been coming for breakfast every day but that was mostly the only time he'd come,finally last week I told him I'm done ,don't come any more, I don't need this bs. Haven't heard from him since? Still will run into him at grandchildren sporting events not sure how that will go. Any advice was that the right thing to do?

[job]

You are the only one that can determine when you've had enough. Had I been in your shoes,

You are far better woman than I would have been for doing this for three bloody years. I would have not have cooked him one meal after he left. After all, he left, he would learn to either cook or go to McDonald's, etc.

It's now time for you to soar and leave the man to fend for himself. Kitchen's closed and time for him to learn to grow up. He had his cake and ice cream each and every day and now he'll have to figure things out.

[job]

edit first paragraph:

You are the only one that can determine when you've had enough. Had I been in your shoes, I would have closed the kitchen long ago.

[25yearsmlc]

I haven't posted for quite awhile but I still come and read and learn.


Dear GO,

I'm sorry you are here. It's the best place to be, for a lousy painful reason. I know you are in great pain...so please let me gently give you a 2 x 4 to help you move things in some direction here...okay?

I tried to catch up on your thread but there are several.

May I suggest that sticking to this one thread, (until if and when it requires you to make another and then I'd suggest the same title, with "#2" added, then "#3", etc.)

It would help us follow your story and keep up? Seriously, it really really helps.

So, what have You tried doing differently?

B/C thus far all of your posts are about what HE is doing or saying lately. Literally I think that is what is in every post.

Nothing about what you plan to do - or how you will change your approach, which has failed you so far. DB 101 is "Do what works. Don't keep doing what does not work." Simple but hard.

Also, I think you believe there is an OW but I can't find any thread or posts in your thread that say why. And would this be another OW or the same one that gave birth to the "love child"? Have you reached out to HER at all? Have your children?

Also I get the feeling you are willing to pretty much just wait until HE EITHER 1) divorces you

or 2) dies

or 3) comes back,

b/c.... doing something different is "too hard" or foreign to you. You'd rather say/do nothing than rock the boat?

Thing is, his boat isn't docking up at your pier and you have not moved far at all, in 3 years.

Is ^^ that pretty much the case?

What would it take for you to DO or ACT in a new way? And are you doing any NEW GAL activities? Any that are "just for fun", and not for others?

I say that b/c I think having joy and fun in our lives, for US, is healthy and attractive. AND b/c without GAL, one cannot detach.


It's been 3 years and still no sign that he's " cooked " yet! He had still been coming for breakfast every day but that was mostly the only time he'd come,finally last week I told him I'm done ,don't come any more, I don't need this bs. Haven't heard from him since?

Still will run into him at grandchildren sporting events not sure how that will go. Any advice was that the right thing to do?

well, You said that it would be easier on you if he didn't come over so much. I can understand that.

So if you told him not to come over anymore and to leave, as a tactic to win him back, then it wasn't the right thing to do. I mean, it failed.

If you said it b/c you want to be able to move on, and this would make it easier, then yes it was the right thing to do. Obviously you must begin to truly move on for it that to come true. (See #17 on the DB Rules list, "you've had an awakening" and that you really truly will be fine, happy and joyful, with him in your life or without.

FWIW I don't think you should or can use "tactics" now, when real change in how you live & interact, is more needed now. Tactics are seen thru for what they are; = insincere fake changes.

See, here's the deal.

A WAS will Not return to a marriage they left, ever,

unless

they believe the marriage can be better/different than before.


How are you showing him that you or the marriage,

can be better/different than before?

Yes, this means that you must change. So, what are your 180s? I never saw any

Yes, it is you must take the first step towards change. And yes it is you who must take the 2nd step, and 3rd step, and 60346th step as well...

why? Why should you be the one to change and take steps to change?


because you are here saying you want to save your marriage; he's not.


So again I ask you, what are your 180s? What is different about you now, than before?