life in a mess

[MrBond]

You're not asking her to come back to the M. It's just a couple of hours with the kids. You can't control what she does afterwards.

You're still trying to control things. Unfortunately having an OM is part of the way life is and if you get D'd it's something you will have to deal with.

[AndyK]

I'm not concerned about the OM except for any contact he might have with my children. They are still vunerable as we have only separated just over two months and it would be too much for them to encounter mummys 'boyfriend' at such an early stage in things.
I told her last week I didn't care what she did as long as it didn't adversely effect the boys and I meant that.
I believe them meeting any other man in her life at this stage is much to soon and would have an adverse effect.
If that happens I will make it very clear that it is unacceptable.
It's not about me being jealous, although I would be lying if I said I wasn't, but I now completely understand the need to give up control, especially things I have no control over. But I do have the right to protect my sons from any more hurt and I intend to do that.
My intention is to let her do as she pleases, but not at their expense, this is something I am not prepared to compromise on.

[HollyAnn]

I decided to go ahead with the day out, mainly as the boys were so excited about going I didn't want to disappoint them.
Also I was curious to see if we could spend any time together without things going pear shaped.
It was a really good day, the boys had a great day and my W and I got on really well. No R talk at all and I felt very relaxed in her company.
We took the boys to the fairground and then went for dinner and it just felt like we were still a couple ( minus the affection of course).
We arrived back home and she asked the boys had they enjoyed themselves which they of course said yes.
She then looked at me and asked me had I enjoyed it and smiled at me, a strange smile that I haven't worked out yet. I said yes and she said it was a lovely day, smiling that smile again.
Then she left, she will be back to see the boys tomorrow.
So now I am wondering what this is all about, its obvious that we are still able to spend quality time together, it was relaxed and everything felt so natural, so what is going on??
I don't think it has set me back in terms of detachment because I know how volatile things she can be but it has made me wonder what on earth goes on inside her head. She made all the moves to make this day happen,she was pleasant and agreeable with me for the first time in months.
Things just seem very strange at the moment.

Don't be a bit fooled by any of those creepy WAS smiles. I hate those. Yikes! I just got shivers. They are like smiling assassins!

A simple guideline that has served me well is that, at this point in time, when WAS are happy, or smiling, that is not good news for LBS.
It is actually better when they are out of sorts. That can mean that their wonderful, shiny new life without you is anything but.

However, this is just a general observation for me during my ordeal. No mind-reading; keep expectations very, very low.

And, I would cancel the Easter thing since it wasn't set in stone. Just be vague and say that it won't work for you. Then clam up; do not explain your decision at all. It just won't work for you. Period. Repeat as necessary.

If you did go through with it, it wouldn't be helpful in gauging her ever-changing moods or your sitch; it would probably turn out just like the last outing. And you don't need that. More cake-eating.