Another day, Another Opportunity

[NoMoreMistakes]

Started sharing my status with people at work. So many people have been asking how married life is going and about wife that it started feeling like I was lying or hiding what was going on.

Saying to people who I work with makes it feel more permanent and brings some of the feelings back but also feels like the next step to moving forward. We haven't finalized but right now that just feels like a formality.

[PatientMan]

Now she says we should go ahead and finalize because she is checked out and I am moving on. She always thought I would just move on without her and now it looks like that is what I'm doing.

Script directly from the WAS chapter on "Guilt & Blame Deflection".

-PM

[PatientMan]

Started sharing my status with people at work. So many people have been asking how married life is going and about wife that it started feeling like I was lying or hiding what was going on.

Saying to people who I work with makes it feel more permanent and brings some of the feelings back but also feels like the next step to moving forward. We haven't finalized but right now that just feels like a formality.

Do you feel any relief?

-PM

[NoMoreMistakes]

I don't know if Id call it relief really. I'm a little sad because it feels like finalizing. But everyone is supportive which is helpful. I have accpeted that I just have to improve myself so I'm not overly focused on my current relationship status.

[NoMoreMistakes]

There is a little bit of excitement in talking about being able to be happy again and not letting the situation hold me back from being happy.

[NoMoreMistakes]

Spoke to W for first time in 3 weeks. She was in the area and asked if she could come over to get the remainder of her stuff. Just before she did, she sent a text which said "Okay, you were right it was a fling and its over now."

When she came in to get her things she tried to be playful and joke around a bit. I was just polite and had some light conversation about how I just ran into her dad the night before. She gathered her things and left without even saying good bye. Just sent a text from the car saying "well i guess its good bye". She said she was too chicken to say bye in person.

[NoMoreMistakes]

And now today I get an email asking when I can go in to set the date for the finalization hiring. She wants to set it soon so that she can start to get her things under control and get lose ends tied up.

So we go in later today to set the final hiring.

Not as upset or emotional as I thought. Have come to grips recently with being on my own and starting to get to a place where being happy is okay. Will see how I feel actually setting the date though.

[NoMoreMistakes]

Finalization set foe January 7th. A bit emotional about it because W and I were pretty cordial and nice. Just sad how things turned out really.

[PatientMan]

I'm sorry. That's tough.

-PM

[NoMoreMistakes]

Thanks PM it is tough but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger/smarter.

So after three weeks of NC and then pushing to set the hiring date, W texts me asking to borrow my tent for camping next week with her friend.

It was weird, so I called it out. Not in an angry way but just to point out how back and forth she was being. I just said nicely, its been 3 weeks NC and we just set final hiring date, now you want a favor, help me understand.

She just said, "sorry shouldn't have asked. Its just that for the last 4 yrs you have been the person I go to".

My response was just that our dynamic is no longer that given the status of our divorce. I am no longer her go to person. If she is really in a jam or tough situation, then I probably shouldn't be her first call but that if I'm her last or only that she doesn't have to hesistate and that ild help if I could.