My wife dropped the bomb. Long story long I've been here before. In hind sight should have never left. Need help advice.
When I was here the first time I was separated from my wife of then 9 years we are now at 11 years. The first time she was ILYBNILWY and had two different boy friends and who knows how many different men she was talking to online. She had a drug problem an anger problem and was generally just a mean person. She left the kids with me while she moved back to her home town an hour and a half away.
My problem was I didn’t stick up for her when she felt she was being attacked or disrespected. That I would tend to worry about money too much. That we lived too far from her family and that I had an attitude when we went to her family’s houses for gatherings.
7 months went by while we were separated, it took me awhile (3 of the 7 months) to figure out that I needed to work on me and leave her alone. I was invited to go to.Las Vegas with a group of friends in that group was another woman and I had a one night stand with her in Vegas. I immediately regretted it and I realized how lost I truly was. That I wasn't really working on me but putting a bandaid on a gushing wound.
While this was happening I was still talking to my wife except I wasn’t talking to her about us I was talking to her about my life and our kids. Her attitude towards me started to change and She called me up after 7 months of separation and asked to come back home. I was ecstatic and welcomed her back. We did MC for a short while, we did about 4 sessions where she mainly talked and I sat listening to her and how i wasnt the person she married and how my family judged her and how she didn’t like MC and that we really couldn’t afford it anyways. So we stopped going. During this time I would try to talk to her about her infidelity and mine. I also found text messages from her and the OM during the first three months and finally got tired of it I called him told him to back off and then blocked his number(another band aid) during the first few months things were up and down and she would get angry very quickly and would hit me. I got tired of it and told her we are done if she hit me again. We started to do better I got a new job that I love and was working out as was she and things started to feel great. Then she got into a fight with one of my friends wives. It was violent and my kids were there. The only thing I thought of doing was getting my kids to the car and safe. I went back and tried to break them up but my friend came out of the house yelling and he pushed my wife about six feet back to where she fell on her back. This is where I was supposed to kick my friends ass. I guess he hit her and pulled her hair out. This is the Situation she likes to go back to often.
A year later (now)... my failings I still worry about money, I don't kick my friends asses, I don't trust her. I'm the sole earner and she has a small contract job that makes us an extra 150 to 200 dollars a month. We were renting from my parents and the sold their other house last November and moved in with us. We have been saving money to move and we found a place ...but last month she broke her phone so she had to use an old one when she got the new phone in she gave my sister the old one and low and behold my sister finds text messages to another man.
This time it's her "first love" and all hell breaks loose. I confront her and she denies them as being old from when we split up. I tell her that it isn't true. That the texts are from now and I know this because of our phone records. I also confront the OM. Wife is now pissed and wants to be done. She hates my sister and continues to lie about the texts.
She leaves to her mother's house and has been there for close to a month. She is angry saying she felt trapped that I wouldn't let her go out with friends. This isn't true I would have. she never asked. When I would ask her she would say no or that she didn't feel like seeing so and so.
She is really angry and I wouldn't leave her be. She rarely texts me and rarely calls me. I feel alone. We are switching the kids off every other week. I stayed the weekend down there with her two weeks ago and we slept together. I felt like things were better but each time I left she became instantly distant. Wouldn’t call or text and I would trip. I felt and feel like she doesn’t care. Which may be true, she told me she is angry and she feels like I am not letting her have space and that I won’t give her time. So I have resolved to only talking about the kids and trying not to talk about how she feels about me. I’m doing okay. I feel cut off from her, naturally, and I want to be able to tell her I love her and I miss her and I want to continue our lives. She doesn’t want to hear it. I just need help, I need to re-remember what it is I need to do. I do not want a divorce I do not want my kids to be going back and forth. I just want to fix it.
Continues to tell me that she doesn't love me and doesn't have it in here to try any longer. Wants to divorce, I asked her to give it more time for us to just be separated but I don't know what to do. I am going dark I do remember a lot but why did all of this go down again? I really feel like she always had one foot out the door and was never really committed to making our marriage work. I feel a bit lost. I don't want this.
Me 32 W 30 Married 11 D10, S6 BD#1 January of 09 OM#1 2005 OM#2 Dec 08 OM#3 March/April of 09 Back together August 09 OM#4 May 13 W moves out June 2013 BD#2 June 21 2013 Filed July 2013 D final in Oct
