25 it is a memory thing for sure. Sometimes she will tell me something and I will forget. It might be about a neighbor and there son's surgery procedure. How he got sick from the medicine and I thought he was sick from the surgery. That is one example she got frustrated. IDK seems a little petty to me. That I didn't remember it was the medicine and thought it was the surgery. But at the end of the day it bothered her and I want to be better in this category.
I'm not whining. I'm asking for help in this area. I'm also learning alot about my self in ACOA each week.
I have gotten a lot better at listening and sometimes I surprise her by recalling stuff she told me. She will say it seems like you weren't listening to me and then you recalled something.
I don't interrupt her all the time. I actually catch myself a lot. I will start making a conscious effort to look in her eyes and remember what she says.
as far as OM texting her. Um I don't think so 25. My W didn't talk to me in 6 months. There was nothing to listen to. Plus I am not saying I completely and utterly dismiss what she is saying. I am saying I can be forgetful. I don't have the memory she has. It can sometimes frustrate her. That I can BE better in this area. That I REALIZE this can be an area for some growth.
"But, ask yourself if there's a deeper problem here b/c that behavior MUST change & if you know it hurts her, and you still do it, maybe there is a part of you that wants to hurt or disrespect her. Any truth there?"
-No. I love my W. I don't want to be disrespectful. I simply made a comment that my listening skills could use some work. Not that I discount everything my W changes. Going forward I will try to shut my thoughts down, phone, etc..
As far as my W and OM. My W tends to be a person who feels she needs to stay in contact with every person from her past. It is beyond frustrating. For example, she is friends with her ex husband on FB. IMHO there is absolutely no need for this at all. No kids with him. No ties. But she is friends with on FB. There are others too. I just tend to tolerate it even though I don't like it. (FB by the way is evil, I actually deleted my account a year ago because it was causing so many issues for me)
Her theory is if Im not doing anything wrong then there is nothing wrong with it. My opinion it is not about "control" it is about having some respect for your spouse
Anyways I got off topic. I just want to learn how to be a better listener. I didn't know if there were some conscious things I could focus on while talking with my W.
In this case, I think you should talk to your W. At the very least this is to establish boundaries between the two of you. I don't think sweeping it under the rug is a good idea IMHO.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
