WAH is all over the place! Now what?

[raev]

M 28
H 27, soon to be 28
S 11 (mine, though H has been dad exclusively for six years now)
Married 08/2008, Together since 02/2005
WAH 3/26/2011

I've read DB and DR. I'm fortunate to be seeing a psych who is familiar with these and has even met Michelle. But I'm having a hard time applying these to my sitch because my H has some dissociative issues. He's all over the map. Sleeps with me one day, doesn't call me the next. Comes over without telling me he's coming over. Says he's coming over to see S but then follows me around like a sad puppy but doesn't want to have lunch with me the next day. Cannot get a grip on where he is. This was his idea. I want to save my marriage! I spent a long time being in a depressive fog and now that I'm out... he splits! Saturday, I got what I think is his watered down version of the ILYBINILWY talk. To be fair he was very sweet, thoughtful, and cautious about the whole talk and very sensitive to my feelings, very affectionate and comforting. I've gotten this before from him and we were able to move through it to a better phase in our relationship. But at the same time he changed his position from "done, over, forever" to one of he's not ruling anything out or burning any bridges but HE can't see a path toward things working. And then! we had one of the most lovely, intimate, sweet evenings we've had in years. He hasn't beeen so attentive and thoughtful in I don't know how long. Not only that, he's suddenly decided to try things in bed he's always been uncomfortable with but knows I like! What's that all about?? He made me breakfast the next morning. And the next time I hear from it's because he wants a favor??

Help!

[dbmod]

^

[lovehurts2]

Hi wings,

You've come to the right place. Our H's are kinda similar.

Hang in there, all i can say is practice what is preached in DB and DR. It's essential.

It's hard to say why your H is acting the way he is. My H is like that too. Sometimes i think it is a male thing but im sure its not as there are as many males as females in this forum.Its a emotional rollercoaster ride, especially when you get mixed messages, it is just not fair on you. Best thing to do (if not already doing) is GAL.

Has he sort out for any C?

[~¤DG¤~]

I can completely empathize with your sitch and having a spouse that is all over the place.
The best advice I can give you is to follow the basic DB principles and not cry, beg, pursue, etc.

And yes, make sure you GAL for yourself as welL.

I am so sorry you are going through this.