Positively moving forward

[ClingingToHope]

Some people just like to keep people on a string or never give up the attachment. I have a box of photos from high school. I still have feelings for my very first girlfriend. I run into her occasionally. She looks good.

Everyone wants companionship. I remember XW told the girls not only wouldn't she marry again, she wouldn't even date. That was two years ago. Now, she's on Match.com searching for ...

I am looking forward to school for a different reason. I love having the girls in the summer and we've had tremendous fun -- but it blows up my budget. I need them to go back to school so I can start saving for next year's summer break.

Does the D feel normal yet? You finished yours about three weeks before me. Most days it feels normal.

[awest1217]

The D felt normal before it was ever final. I would say last summer when I filed is when it felt normal. I don'teven remember much how it felt to have him here. We were only married 3 years, but together 10 years. I more missed my best friend when he left instead of my H. S was 18 months old so most of his life I have been by myself so I don't have many memories of us as a family. When S was a newborn XH worked and volunteer coached at a local high school so I was alone the first 8 weeks of S's life because XH wouldn't give up the extra although I had a screaming colicy baby and needed him.

So yeah this all feels normal and I embrace it as my life. I still cringe when having to say I am divorced to people he knows that I don't well mostly because I wonder what they think...being human, but in most other ways I embrace it. The best is yet to come!

[awest1217]

Everything is going well in my world! School has started and it is great! I am excited about this year because I feel a lot of positive energy. We are also trying a new schedule that I am excited about. Also the science department is each getting an iPad 2 and macbook to start preparing for next year when we go book free. IT is all fun and exciting and I get some new toys to use at work and home S's fits have been minimal during this time, like one a week when he has to leave his cousins so normal 3/4 year old stuff, but no hitting me or kicking me, and only crying instead of yelling at me. He has also learned to add 1+...up to 9. He is loving his new class at daycare and is learning to write and letter sounds so reading isn't too far away. Kindergarten next year.

I do have one question because I am still new at the D part. XH had S the first weekend in August, since he dropped S off August 7, he has not contacted me to find out about S at all, or checked in on him. I am ok without the contact because S is doing great and it makes my life so much better. I really am loving my life and am not looking for extra drama. But my question is, is that normal since S is 3. I know when he is older XH could just call S, but he could do that now and was doing that when he wanted more time during the D process, but now nothing. Is it normal?

Also should I be updating XH at times? I have always taken the stance that XH can have as much or as little contact with S as he wants. If he wants updates, he just has to initiate the conversation because S is 3 and shouldn't be made to call daddy if he doesn't ask to, now if S asked to talk to XH I would have him call no problem. If there was an emergency I would text XH to let him know what is going on, but should I be trying to communicate more with him? Once again asking because I don't know what is "normal". I also don't want to look like I am kicking XH out of S's life because I am not initiating contact. I just was wanting some thoughts.

This all came up in my mind because XH has S again this weekend (XH asked me to switch his middle weekend for the first weekend). I realized that S hasn't heard from XH in almost a full 3 weeks, and thought that was strange, but maybe it isn't.

[ClingingToHope]

Who knows what's normal. I've read of people just ditching their old family entirely.

In my case, I rarely ever ask XW for updates. But you know my situation. My job is so flexible that I see the girls almost every day during the school year and have them over half the summer.

I don't need to call XW to be updated. But my situation is a rarity.

Some people, men or women, just aren't cut out to be full-time parents. They like to be parents, but they don't mind someone else doing the heavy lifting and just parachuting in occasionally.

That sounds like your XH doesn't it.

In the end, he misses out. Kids are aware of everything.

[awest1217]

I haven't posted in a while. Things are good on my front. I still have some issues with XH and S. Mostly because S talks all the time about OW and XH always says "just S and I" are doing this or that. I don't mind as much anymore that she is in the picture. I just wish he would admit it instead of lying or at least not say the "just". If he said we are going to this or that then it might include her or it might not, but it isn't lying.

On work front, I am busy busy busy. I have had two weeks of non-stop meetings, teaching, meetings, and maybe a chance to myself. It led to a little anxiety attack during one of my classes, but nothing they could see. Just I could feel. Nothing major just busy.

Personally, doing really well. I now know I am ready to date because I actually am flirting again and I have a crush on someone. I don't see it going anywhere, but it is funny because for the past two days I can't stop thinking about him. He is a friend at church. We don't talk too much but at the college football game concession for my church we flirted and joked a bunch, which was fun. I started to notice him about two weeks ago and around a week ago I started to like him a little more. It is funny how even though I am double the age I was the last time I was single, the feelings are still the same. If I was my friend (which I am), but I would think "how cute". Not really sure where to go from here. I am emotionally ready to get out there, but not sure how to do that. Plus I have always been a relationship type of girl, not a dating girl. Just who I am so from experience before, I flirt a lot and "hang out" in group settings and when I do "date", it usually led to a relationship right away (nothing serious) because we were already good friends and I guess dated in the group setting.

It all just makes me smile and laugh. If anyone has suggestions let me know, but a few complications. With churchguy, I don't want to come off as desperate. Oh and he is a little...or should I say a lot older than me so that is why I didn't notice him before (and was completely against it when friends would suggest it), but I don't know what changed recently. Either way it is all new to me, which is fun and scarey at the same time because I have the same crush feelings, but I am older and don't know protocol...Sorry for the rambling...giddy I guess. And for those wondering, no I don't act this way around him, just with my best friend and on here where I don't have anyone who personally knows me.

[mishka422]

LOL! I can totally identify with what you are going through! After my D I had a massive crush on a guy from my church group. Even though I knew there was no way it was going anywhere, it still was a funny feeling. I felt like a darned awkward teenager again.

How much older are we talking? Like 20+ years or more like 10-15? Do you have things in common other than church? If so, then by all means....FLIRT! Getting to know someone in a group setting is much less stressful than one on one especially after you have been through what you have been through.

Have fun! Be yourself, and be open to the possibilities!

[awest1217]

Mishka thanks for letting me know I am not alone. I do feel like an awkward teenager.

Churchguy is 15 years older than I am. We do have some in common. Not too much to be boring, but there is some. We get along well and he hangs out with all my friends and most of his friends are at least 5 years younger than him. He is someone I always thought was cute when I was younger. He is a health nut much like myself. He also likes to run and ride bikes. i can get involved with the riding bikes because I really do want to do that more, but I hate running! We like a lot of the same foods and shows and stuff like that.

Thanks again for letting me know I am not alone in this feeling. It is such a strange feeling to have and reminds me of the only part of highschool I didn't like the anticipation of wondering if the guy is interested too. LOL