I have moved my post from the newcomers to here in hope of really getting some help.
My wife says she wants to come home but she's terrified. She not only left me but 4 children, her mother and 1 of her brothers (we all live in my home). She has told her brother that she sees the changes in me, she knows if OM wasnt around she would be more receptive to our marriage. She does love me, she misses me. She misses our family.
I guess what i am looking for is advise on how to make her take the leap.
But my question and maybe as more people read your sitch, can you fill in info about OM? If there is OM this will impact you being able to reconcile M.
Is W terrified because she does not want to break it off with OM?
What about MC?
HopelessIn Love
M and W:33 Kids M-10 ILYBNIL-4/2/10 Sep: 8/20/10 Back into house: 10/18/10
There is OM still. She shut herself out of everyone we knows life, and im not exagerating. She ignored everyone and for 7 months OM and his circle of friends were her life. She is afraid to come home and things end up being the same as before and us not getting along and ending up back at square one on the kids more so then each other. The issue with MC is I wont back down until she moves else where. She has no money as she quite her job and asked to come home. She works with OM, and she thought I would let her come home right then. I didnt, and she was able to get a place to stay for a week then she had no where else to go.
She acknowledges that I have changed, she likes spending time with me, she says I can have a hug when ever I want. She misses me, I have been her best friend for 20 years, but she wont take the leap and just leave OM.
I say just clearly state your conditions to her and to her brother so there's no confusion. It may be BS, but what if it's not? Tell her no contact with OM, and whatever other requirements you have, e.g. MC, etc. If she won't do it, then continue moving on.
You cannot "make her take the leap". That mindset is not going to help you. You have done fine. You just need to get a grip on yourself and stop being impatient.
She needs to work through her feelings on her own and you need to keep your distance and stop obsessing. Let the crisis you've created do it's work. Good luck. Be strong.
Don't force it....and don't make ultimatums...keep it as a discussion....keep your heart open. That doesn't mean don't communicate your needs...DO THAT.
You are doing great!
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I am also struggling with being unable to get my H to just take the leap and come home. When I think my head just might explode, I tell myself that what I have been doing is what got me to the point I am now, where H seems to be coming in closer. This is not the time to trade what works for didn't work before.
