Down The Divorce Road

[markhaving probs]

Teledad,

Thanks for responding.

You're right, it is petty stuff, but I know all she is trying to do is test me. I never thought about the frames/pictures bit, she is only concerned with some crummy frames, it just goes to show how shallow she is.

I will look in on your situation and see if I can offer some support.

[markhaving probs]

All,

I received a 'typed' letter from my stbxw saying we are DIVORCED and I need to move on.

The letter came about because even though I pay child maintenance, she is expecting me to pay towards trips, extra clothing and other things. I do not respond to any of her vile texts or condasending voice mails.

I would love to be able to contribute more towards my childrens welfare, but considering I am pay for expensive lawyers I cannot.

I question myself wondering if I am doing all that I can for my children. She decided to have a PA and then finish the marriage without any notion of reconcilling, she should have to bear the consequences of what her new life is like, but do I do it at the expense of my children?

Her letter went on about my shortcomings as a father, I agreed to the D, though at the time I signed the papers I thought we could resolve what she was divorcing me for - too much sport (once a week), and not enough emotional support.

These are excuses not reasons. I did not drink, commit adultery or gamble, yet she has tossed me aside like an old blouse she does not wear anymore.

She is now trying to make sure I do not end up with any decent settlement from the house sale for me and the children when I have them.

Can someone please explain why there is still so much anger towards me, when I have not done what she has?

I explained to her that if I did not have to pay for expensive lawyers, I could contribute

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Mark,

How would giving her more $$$ for clothes and trips help your CHILDREN?

If you want to give your children more directly, and can afford to, then do so. If you want THEM to go on a trip, take them JUST WITH YOU. But you are under no obligation to subsidize your wife's decision to walk away from her marriage.

As Greek would say, "big-girl panties."

Puppy

[markhaving probs]

Puppy,

Thanks as always.

I just needed confirmation I was doing what I feel is the right thing. I believe she is trying to push the blame on me for her failings.

She sent me my D11's paying in book for a school trip and expected me to pay for it. The most dispicable element of this was, she told my D it would be MY fault is she did not go on the trip, as Daddy would not pay for it.

I try not to critisise my stbxw in front of my children, but how do you contend with that?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You address it with your wife, in private, immediately.

[robx]

you tell her in no uncertain terms:

"what we have going on between us is EXACTLY that, between US. Talking to the kids like that is disrespectful not only to me but to the kids and to you as well. You're an adult like I am and they are kids, leave them out of this. Do you want them repeating these mistakes when they get married? What needs to be done now is to put the KIDS first, we can deal with our stuff without arguing in front of the kids and without blatantly making the other parent look bad in front of the kids. DON'T DO THIS AGAIN. Thank you!"

[Puppy Dog Tails]

you tell her in no uncertain terms:

"what we have going on between us is EXACTLY that, between US. Talking to the kids like that is disrespectful not only to me but to the kids and to you as well. You're an adult like I am and they are kids, leave them out of this. Do you want them repeating these mistakes when they get married? What needs to be done now is to put the KIDS first, we can deal with our stuff without arguing in front of the kids and without blatantly making the other parent look bad in front of the kids. DON'T DO THIS AGAIN. Thank you!"

Puppy

[robx]

you know I write these posts just for the 4 whistle awards ;-)
(and it feels pretty damn good when I do get them!)

thanks bro

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You're so easy, Rob.

[markhaving probs]

Thank you Puppy and Robx,

I will do this and I will do it immediately.

I have also informed my lawyer who is going to write a letter to her. I was advised to do this so that the courts are made aware of her behaviour.

Our situation does seem so surreal though. How can things get so bad after being so good. I have read the same thing on other posters, it is as if something evil spirit has taken control of her and is trying to do/say the worst things possible without any reason.

She is the WAW and yet I am being the one being persecuted by her and what was our friends. I do not know what she must have told them, but if I see any of them particularly in the school playground, I get the cold shoulder treatment.

I can only wonder what she must have tolde them about me.