Hi all. I recieved the news 4 weeks ago. it started when I saw my wife what I thought was her flashing someone on the web cam I exploded. She said I over reacted and she was just showing her ab's to an old school chum. Anyway I said what reason do you even need to show him you ab's. Well she was planning on going to a school reunion 20 yr's. And I accused her of setting up a meeting. Well 2 day's later she told me that she was tired of me telling her what to do the last 15 yr's and that she was going to do what she wanted. Well to make a long story short she did not tell me to get out right away maybe 6 month's. I have a tendancy of bouncing around so forgive me. Most of my behavior started 6 yr's ago I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure 30% efficient. The doc's said take the pill's and do to much we will put you on full disability. needless to say I felt like a blob of sh!t. I didn't move much gained 45# and could work maybe 2-4 hrs everyother day. That is why she said 6 months sympathetic. Anyway she stayed in contact with this internet SOB and was web camming up to 3 hours on the weekend. I picked up DB the first night and cried myself to sleep but didn't say to much about the web until I would let it boil over. I decided that the doc's were going to kill me with the pill's and without the pill's I was going to die. Literally have 2 broken hearts. Anyway I said screw this what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I cut my shoulder length hair shaved and put myself on a drastic diet, I jumped on my nordic track which hasn't felt my fat butt for 5 yr's and started working out like a loonatic. I have lost 20# in 4 weeks put on a pair of pant's that I have not worn in 5 yr's. 20 more to go. My wife was drinking pretty heavy on the weekends when she would get the nerve to go on line. Texting this MF and talking every day along with daily e-mails it was driving me crazy. Well the other day I was reading D.R. and came to the part of last resort. I was quite there only about 75% until the phone rang the next day and it was the principal of my 9 yr olds school. My son had said something in the nature of he wanted to kill himself. Well I'm not a big fan of public school and I talked with my son and he said he was just talking similar to when the teacher would spring a test and the kid's would complain. Well the principal suggesteda shrink. That was it I called my wife as much as I did not want to and told her we needed to talk. When she got home I lit into her 1. No more booze in the house, 2. If she is going to talk to this SOB then she is going to get out of the house where she can go act single but leave the kid's behind. 3. There is no more 3 hours of web cam again if she want's to act single than hit the door. She owes me and the kid's respect. My kid's know how uneasy I was getting when she was locking herself in the room and talking to this POS. I told her that I was not going to file that she would have to but when it is involving the kid's IT WILL STOP. I told her she was turning into an alcoholic. My 14 yr old chewed her butt when shecame home last week with a bottle She promised that she would stop. I thought that I may have stepped over the line yesterday when she came home later than normal and she said she hadn't eaten all day. So I point blank asked her if she filed or was going to have me served? She told me NO she did not file and that there was an accident. Well today came around and her Tae Kwon Do instructor is taking all of the woman out to dinner something he does every 3 months. She was looking extremely beautiful and I did just what D.R. said I ignored her and she actually stood in front of me and asked what I thought. Trying my best not to jump out of the chair and make love to her I just gave her a small nod of approval and pretended to watch the TV. Going back a few steps in her Tae Kwon Do class a couple of weeks ago she came home upset that some guy had put his hands around her waste and was grinding into her. Well I asked her what she wanted me to do about it and she broke down and said that I was her husband I should stand up for her. Well hell I thought that she wanted to be some independent woman and now she wants me to defend her. Well I did talk to this guy and set him straight along with telling his wife to put a leash on him. But I also took the opportunity to tell my wife that if she want's to go running around and act single than she is going to get what goes with it. She is still married and a mother. If she doesn't like it then quit flaunting it. And start acting like she is married. I also signed up for me to take Ballroom dance lessons and when she said "I don't need to take dance lessons, I already know how to dance" I told her that I didn't sign her up, she had a look of surprise at first and then she pretended that it was OK. I am far from being the perfect husband when she started pointing out my faults I had to do some real internal searching and realized that I have been a real A.H. for quite some time. The problem was that she just sat back and allowed it until ssomething better has come along. Well I started reading the books and have worked on changing my attitude and not screaming at the kid's. I also ordered the 6 hr dvd. And when the person who answered the phone who doesn't know me from anywhere said that my wife doesn't trust me WOW I feel like I just got kicked in the teeth. Well as good as she looked tonight I ignored her as much as possible and I compimented her and asked her if she would like to look that good next week and we could go out she quickly responded with a yes. Also before she left tonight to go to dinner she kept touching me on the shoulder and reassured me that she would not drink and be home early. Dinner is at 6:30 she said she would be home around 8:00. we'll see. I gave her a thank you card the other day along with some flower's she was upset the other day when I gave her flowers and she said I should have been doing that for a long time I agreed and I said these were IOU's. I gave her the thank you card because she has been handling the financial burdens since my heart acted up. But with me excercising and lifting weights I also started working. I apologize for my topic's wandering all over the place that is how my mind work's. I plan on doing the 180 the next 2 weeks but I am confused as to what to do for Mothers Day. Should I make a special meal and get her a card? I do the cooking anyway so it is not like I'm trying to do extra. I know that I will get something for her from the kid's but I still feel I should get her a nice card telling her how I feel regarding her being a good mother. I've babeled enough.
Another great option, if you haven't done so, is talk to a Divorce Busting coach. They are experts in these type of situations and will guide and support you in coming up with solutions to help you get your marriage back on track. Best of luck to you.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
Starting a thread in newcomers will get more eyes looking and responding.
I must say what you've accomplished so far is impressive. Although, I am sorry to see you here its not a good time when we find ourselves at this point.
Great job on turning the health around and setting goals and boundaries! Sounds like she has noticed.
As far as the mothers day card goes, I think she might like it if its kept light. She has accepted the flowers just be wary of overdoing it.
These changes are going to have to be seen over time. An a$$ for so many years doesn't get looked at as a stallion overnight.
Keep up the PMA and good work!
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
