Is H in MLC? Dropped the Bomb yesterday. I had a suspicion it was coming. I'm not sure what to do next. Here is my post from Newcomers without any feedback. Searching MLC for answers.
Well, after a year or more on this post, the second bomb has finally landed. I had hoped with all my heart I could have avoided this night. Here goes what he said in a letter he left for me before leaving tonight........(Its long; sorry please read). PLEASE HELP ME WITH SOME ADVICE TONIGHT!
***************** "Some things I think you should know. Some things I doubt you'll want to hear but within this text you will find answers-a piece of mind-and hopefully happiness.
First off I think you should now how I feel about you and how I've always felt about you and how things have changed. When I met you, I found a long awaited friend and a new best friend in a new and exotic land (CA for readers). You had a vivacious personality and challenged me. I did not want a girlfriend as I was very dedicated to the last person and didn't think it right to be with another woman. I loved her before I met you but it took a woman like you to move me and you did and my mind filled with just you. I let you do whatever you wanted to do because I didn't want to be hurt if I was close to you because you had a tendency to wander. You may say otherwise but it was true. I figured I'd hang in there and either you'd settle down or you wouldn't. So we dated and dated and married. I turned a not so blind eye to some of the things you did and laughed at them knowing it turned me inside out inside. I figured it best that I didn't buckle over some of the incidents you were in with other men. You will no doubt think it was my fault that I didn't date you, tell you I loved you, or whatever and maybe there is some truth in all that. I did however only date 2 gals after I met you. One of them was while you were dating another man. That all works because we needed to figure out what we wanted and didn't want and I never wanted to hurt you by lying to you about my desires. I always desired you and you made my heart race when you'd call or when I'd see you.
We then married and set our life goals together. You had access to everything in my life and I was there. You however had walls that I couldn't break thru and you spent much of your time building a career. Those were always ok with me but in my mind I had very unsettling thoughts of our relationship and the resistance you would give me about being around. There was always a reason. Then when I'd try to be with you, you'd wander off and I'd be alone even when I was there for you. It wasn't always the case but almost always and it offended me to no end. I'd be left on my own once again. I'd try and try year after year to get you on a schedule so I could be with you. But you would state that it was just me trying to control you. It wasn't, it was me trying to share our lives together. It was me wanting to be husband and wife the way I knew it. Then there were always comments about other men, and your behavior around them. I can't tell you how many times things were mentioned to me about your behavior with other men. It was an obvious behavior unbecoming of a married woman. I pushed it aside and moved on but every time I'd move on and ignore things that shouldn't have been it was taking a heavy toll on me emotionally. There were any other issues and I won't list them as it will serve no benefit. My goal here is to answer the question you have and I have. That question is "what has happened between us".
At some point, I would just stop wanting to be with you in mixed company because I always felt deserted.
I chose not to go to events with you because at some point there would in almost all likely hood be a melt down and your insulting tongue would go to work. Once again I won't list the details as it serves no purpose. Then there were always the comments about what I hadn't done and failed to do and when I'd talk to people all I'd hear was what I needed to do better at home etc. I came to resist being around you and your friends. I just find little pleasure in being around you but I loved you dearly. I saw the way your mom was to your dad and although you'd complain about her behavior you'd launch into me the same way. So at some point I shut you off and you are correct that 2 yrs ago I'd had enough. Couple the demeaning behavior and lack of trust you showed me (listing your dad as beneficiary, our kids, deactivating me on our computer, refusing to pay bills, fighting over paying bills, accusing me of stealing from the joint acct.) the list just goes on yet I overlooked it because I thought there no more beautiful woman in the land. My error is that I ignored it because that culmination of the actions ruined my passion for you. I've discussed much of this with you but I think it now time to take the appropriate action which is to think about our lives apart from each other. I know you've tried and done good but I also know that all I have to do is wait 2-3 weeks and there is another melt down. I'm done living like this with you. You deserve more and so do I.
I don't plan on US staying together through the end of this year so I want you to think about all of this and how you want to handle it. You are not my enemy and I have nothing to hide or keep from you. I' a great father and will continue to be. My wish and desire is that you and I will maintain a friendship at the minimum for the benefit of the kids. We need to think about the splitting of the assets and how we can best do it. We have a lot less of it but we are still better off than most. I want the kids to stay in (our town) if possible but we'll see. I don't need an immediate response but would rather you think about all this. I know you've had a chance and I've mentioned it before but living in limbo for you and me is not a place in life I care to be at. I need to move on and so do you. I will return Sunday night with S12 and I won't talk to him about this until you and I discuss it. We can use an atty, abitrator, counselor or whatever as long as we address it".
signed H
Let the sideshow begin....
Me 44 H 46 S 13 D 11 Married: 17 Dated: 7
Bomb 7/1//08 ILUBINILWY 2nd Bomb 4/3/09 I'm Leaving You 3rd Bomb 11/2009 - The 3 YR Affair is discovered
