It almost seemed like she wanted me to yell at her like it would make her feel better or something. I am having another talk about details on thursday so I will make sure he doesn't come up.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Wouldn't it be so nice if they had a pill for this? Heck, they have one for everything else.
Your wife wanted you to yell so she could blame you. If you stay calm then she has no reason to put all the blame on you. The guilt eats them up and to make them feel better they try to turn things around on you.
Jeff my "now xh" said the same thing recently to me about cheating. He said, "I didnt cheat on you, we were seperated.", "I left you before I cheated"....hmmmmm, well we were married you DORK!
Crazyiness I tell ya.
I am right there with ya trying to hold on, even though he divorced me almost immediately. I am praying to get the "man I married" back.
Jeff, She wanted to have a discussion w/you about him, i.e., heated one. She wanted a justification for what she's doing. She wanted you to be disgruntled so that she could point the finger and say "see, Jeff was an angry man, someone I couldn't talk to." Don't give her that satisfaction.
BTW, the emotionally detach quite a while from us before the ILYBNILWY. It's there way of saying...it was over a long time ago and see no harm in dating, etc. while still married and in some cases living under the same roof.
What do you do? Stay the course, live your life to the fullest and know that no matter what she's said, you know what your life together was like. As yourself this...was it live or memorex?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are so right tonight we had a move out conversation, she said I was kicking her out and said I was afraid to argue. My response was that to argue wasn't constructive and that I wasn't kicking her out it just wasn't healthy for us to live together right now. No matter how hard she tried I didn't bite.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I agree, sounds like they all use the same excuse. When I talked to her tonight about moving out I was just blunt and didn't talk about semantics if it was cheating or not. I just said I get that you don't consider us married it's obvious because you are having sex with another man, that is why it's unhealthy for us to live together.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
You hit the nail on the head, about the detaching looking back I see how it all unfolded. I am now just focusing on details of her moving out. I told her lets just focus on separating things and not do any further damage. She is hopefully moving in with her mom and dad. Her father doesn't want her there but will make the only rule that she has to go to counseling if she lives there.
At this point I need peace and she doesn't get it, maybe down the road when reality hits things will change but for now I need to worry about me.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
