Hmm... worth a look, yes. Problem is that we're still apart... Still no physical contact, it's all be through email at this point, but it seems pretty regularly now... I'm getting at least one email from him per day. However, I don't expect that to continue being that he'll be out of town next week, and I'm going out of town 'til Aug.
I've got so many books on my plate right now... it's ridiculous. Holding on by a thread it seems.
I guess I should add that I'm in the process of reading Love Talk right now.
Excellent news on the apology....this sounds huge for your H!!!!! Don't be discouraged about the "empty feeling" it is pretty normal. Perhaps doing something fun with the step kids might help initiate some physical contact again. You do love them quite a bit. something like "I have really been missing SS, do you think it would be alright if I took him to the movies one day. This is good progress though and the steady dialog through e-mails is good....much better than before
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
That's a good idea. I'm hesitate though, because I could see my H being over protective and feel it too much stress and confusion. But it's worth a try.
Every email has been a major mix message. It's progress though. He's really fearful, which I can understand. Keeps saying, Time will tell, or Time will heal, etc. So, I know I just need to wait it out. I'm not pushing him or anything, just letting him set the pace at this moment. All very emotionally exhausting, though.
Sounds like he is being cautiously positive....maybe just say something like "how are the Step kids, what have they been up to" and play off that if need be. But I think you are right in letting him set the pace. Still a positive step none the less
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
So, I know I just need to wait it out. I'm not pushing him or anything, just letting him set the pace at this moment. All very emotionally exhausting, though.
You have waited before. It made a difference, it will again.
Use the time to take care of yourself, as emotionally exhausted is not a place to be when you do have communications. Fill your own bucket with some peace & serenity.
You have my support & belief that you can do this. Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
What's draining is shifting through his email, and having to interpret it correctly. What I found out is that his first email to me had an apology in it, however, I didn't read it that way, the way that I read it, the way that he phrased words and such, was very accusational. I responded back to what I could, to validate his feelings, etc, and let him know that I understood his point of view, which he turned around and sent me another response confused by my response because he was apologizing. It clearly is a miscommunication. We're not speaking each other's language. That's what is draining on me.
I really feel that we're going to need a third party to help interpret each other. I'm not sure if he'll be open to that, and I just have to wait. I can understand him, to a degree, but I think he is having a hard time understanding me. I've really have to sit and work hard at interpretation. It's all very confusing, really. What I'm finding is what I take as a literal translation, is not what he means at all... and then what I think is a loose translation, he meant it literal. It's all very confusing really... which is why I'm having such a hard time with this.
I don't know if he's here or not, or what he's doing, etc. For now, I think our communication, for the time being, is on hold. When the next round comes, I'm sure I'll have better clarity, hopefully.
The tones he is using are swinging... the first one felt stand-offish and defensive, then the second one was softer, more light and positive- 'Maybe it is possible we can patch things up', etc.
The last one was back to hesitation, resistance. 'Emotionally, I am completely tired and worn out. My heart feels empty. I don't know what to do about it. I do care about you. How many times have we gone apart only to find each other again? I don't want to go through that anymore. Maybe time will heal.'
I can tell that he's struggling, so I think I just have to sit back for now.
