Imageer, Thanks for stopping by my thread. I read the thread about banning people. It is discouraging. I don't have input about it because I don't know enough about it to comment so I won't. I hope you're having a good weekend.
W called me yesterday morning and I said How are you as I always do. She replied "Oh, I'm ok" in a down voice. I've been thinking of trying to draw her out when she sounds down for a while now and I took the opportunity and said "What's Wrong?" She told me that she was having a bad day because she "lost the kids ride" that morning (I guess OW didn't want to drive them) and she had to get her mother up to take them. I found out later in the day that OW was sick. However, W sounding down as she did couldn't explain away by OW not taking the kids because she was sick. I think there is more to it than that but I'm not going to speculate.
Anyway, the reason I think I did good was because after she told me why she was down I talked to her and within a minute I had her happy and laughing. She hung up happy and in a better mood. She then ended up calling me 2 other times that day and was very smiley when I dropped off the kids.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
I had an odd day. W called me first thing this morning to talk to me about S8. He has been lying a lot. I know that it is mostly him reacting to this situation but I didn't go there with W. I then told her that he has also been very quiet lately when I drive them to her place. After I said that she got quiet and changed the subject. I don't know what that was about but it was odd.
I then wrote W an email this morning to tell her where I was at with regards to moving. I'm seriously considering putting an offer in on a place.
A few minutes later she calls and tells me that she has results back from a specialist that she went to see about her attacks. Apperently, the specialist confirmed that it is not epilepsy like the other doctors have been saying and he says is it stress. (surprise surprise, me and others have been saying that all along)So I guess that is at least a small victory.
Next she drops the bomb on me that she has spoken to a couple of D lawyers. She says that she is not happy with them though. She says that they both want her to be nasty and she disagrees and doesn't want to be like that. (Punk, if you are reading this, she said the lawyers both advised her to seek sole custody of the kids) She said that she told the L that I was a good father and didn't want to do anything like that. She then told me that she likes how we are handling things so far and hopes that we can continue to handle things amicably. She then said that she would put all that in writing in an email, which she did. At the end of the email she wished me luck on getting the new house and said that she wouldn't interfere at all and would sign anything that I needed signed.
At then end of our phone conversation, she said that after I sold the house and got my car out of her name (joint right now) she would like to proceed with an amicable D but she also heard that we have to have a Sep Agreement before we can D. She also mentiond that a D through a L is very expensive and hoped that we could find a cheaper way to do it.
If she does go forward with it, I will at that point tell her that it is her choice and not what I want and she will have to do it on her own. I will not help.
The whole conversation was very surreal because she was quite happy sounding and other than the subject, it was a happy conversation.
Strangly, I'm not that upset about it. I don't know if I posted it or not but a couple of weeks ago she said that she needed some financial information from me because she "had an appointment to get some advice". But she didn't say where. I suspected then that she was going to a L. It was just a guess but it seems to have been the case.
As we have all discussed, I believe that if she does go forward with the D, it means nothing. From the tone of our conversation today, I can really see that this has nothing (or very little)to do with me and I wonder if OW or Bad Friend is in the background pushing her. She may also believe that it will help her in some way as she has no money and is headed for a financial crash. Whatever her motovation is, I continue to have hope for the future and continue to stand.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Imageer, be prepared that she may end up getting really angry with you once you say you are not for the D and will not help her, no matter how sweet you are when you say it. She may interpret it as control or you being against her. She may feel like she is the "bad guy" in all of this. Whatever she says, just listen. You don't have to agree with her but you dont have to argue. It won't do any good.
My W has done all of this and now she is somewhat pleasant. She has not gone further, as far as I know, because I wont sign the parenting plan as it is worded (50/50 joint custody and legal).
You are right that it probably isnt over, even with the D. She is doing what she thinks she needs to. The OP could be pushing it but it can also be in her mind, part of the journey.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
MMF, at the moment I'm not worried about her getting angry. Because she wants to wait until the house is sold and closed, I don't anticipate having to have that conversation for about 6 months and who knows where we will be at that point.
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You are right that it probably isnt over, even with the D. She is doing what she thinks she needs to. The OP could be pushing it but it can also be in her mind, part of the journey.
This is basically what I'm thinking too. I do get the impression that in her mind getting a D is just the next step. However, I also have a strong feeling that there is something else motivating her and it doesn't seem to be me.
I still firmly believe that no major progress will be made until OW is gone. Although, I do think that slow steady progress is already being made. I think that you are making steady progress too btw.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
