And why still hanging on? Because I'm out of my mind!
I always liked this forum so I figured I'd pop in here to say hello and rant about my instandity for a moment. I probably should be over in Divorced But Not Done but who cares. Who even knows if those I knew are still here.
Seperated 5/30/06 Divorced 03/20/07 2 Boys - 7 & 4
WAW has been in a committed relationship since summer '06.
I've been sober since the day we seperated.
Went back to school last fall to finish my degree in Computer Engineering.
I haven't told her I love her in over a year. We haven't fought in a very long time. We get along great actually. I see the kids all the time and we work together to make sure they are happy and healthy. Everything is great. I'm going back to school for something I really love. I'm almost two years without a drink.
But I still dream about her every night. I am brought to tears by movies and TV shows we used to watch together. She comes up in conversations all the time I'm having with friends and family. I am unable to date or even look at other women. I can't stop thinking about her. I haven't been here in almost a year but I am very close to telling her I love her and miss her.
I know she is in love with her boyfriend and they have been together for about a year and a half. I don't know if she really loves him but I know she thinks she does. The kids see him all the time and really dig him. I know she met him right after we split. I know she slept with him on the first date. I thought it was a rebound thing but it keeps going on and on and on.....!
You know. I'm OK with it being over. I just want to stop dreaming about her! Dreaming that we're holding each other and laughing. I don't want to screw things up. They are going so well for the kids. If I go crazy it will affect them. Me telling her I still love her will make things wierd between us and will affect them. But I feel this overwhelming urge to gush.
Somebody please tell me to just STFU and get on with my life. I can't take it any more. Not coming here and pretending it wasn't happing didn't work so I'm back.
STFU. You know you are going to hate yourself if you tell her you love her. You've come this far ... man, you can go a little longer.
Remember the rules of DBing my friend - they are about your dignity as much as saving your marriage. She's going to think you're a schmuck if you tell her you love her and miss her now.
You're relationship with her is good - keep it that way - no need to make it awkward ...
You don't know what's happening with her boyfriend, but you do know that women don't respect men who make themsevlves too vulnerable. We want most what we can't have.
You would get a better reaction from your wife seeing you with another woman than you would with telling her that you you love her.
You know this stuff ....
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
True love does not die. Do not beat yourself up for loving her. You need to think before you speak if you do decide to say, the "I love you". But I would share those words in an endearing way so that it does not make her uncomfortable. Michele techniques suggest not to over-pursue.
I'm proud of you for remaining sober. It wasn't easy, owned up to the problem. That took courage. Also, it is a blessing that you both work together to benefit the kids.
Not all women disrepect men who make themselves too vulnerable. In fact, women LOVE to talk about feelings. Words of affirmation is a love language. In your situation, please use caution. The usage of appropriate words, and time is key.
Your other choice is to hope that her new realationship comes to an end. In the meantime, be her loyal friend, and the best possible father.
You may not have all the things you desire. But, take time to use your wisom and heart to take the next step.
Your other choice is to hope that her new realationship comes to an end. In the meantime, be her loyal friend, and the best possible father.
It's possible for her R to end. I have read that the "in-love" thing lasts for about 18 months. So, if she and BF don't understand about the in-love thing being a fantasy thing, it's very possible for the R to cool off. And her seeing your changes can surely make her wonder what she could have with you. Yep, even though it's hard loving her, please don't beat yourself up. Pat yurself on the back for having done so well.
And why still hanging on? Because I'm out of my mind!
I always liked this forum so I figured I'd pop in here to say hello and rant about my instandity for a moment. I probably should be over in Divorced But Not Done but who cares. Who even knows if those I knew are still here.
Seperated 5/30/06 Divorced 03/20/07 2 Boys - 7 & 4
WAW has been in a committed relationship since summer '06.
I've been sober since the day we seperated.
Went back to school last fall to finish my degree in Computer Engineering.
I haven't told her I love her in over a year. We haven't fought in a very long time. We get along great actually. I see the kids all the time and we work together to make sure they are happy and healthy. Everything is great. I'm going back to school for something I really love. I'm almost two years without a drink.
But I still dream about her every night. I am brought to tears by movies and TV shows we used to watch together. She comes up in conversations all the time I'm having with friends and family. I am unable to date or even look at other women. I can't stop thinking about her. I haven't been here in almost a year but I am very close to telling her I love her and miss her.
I know she is in love with her boyfriend and they have been together for about a year and a half. I don't know if she really loves him but I know she thinks she does. The kids see him all the time and really dig him. I know she met him right after we split. I know she slept with him on the first date. I thought it was a rebound thing but it keeps going on and on and on.....!
You know. I'm OK with it being over. I just want to stop dreaming about her! Dreaming that we're holding each other and laughing. I don't want to screw things up. They are going so well for the kids. If I go crazy it will affect them. Me telling her I still love her will make things wierd between us and will affect them. But I feel this overwhelming urge to gush.
Somebody please tell me to just STFU and get on with my life. I can't take it any more. Not coming here and pretending it wasn't happing didn't work so I'm back.
Jack
Jack, good to hear from you, its been awhile. Listen man, anyone who can beat alchohlism and get his college degree all within 18 months of each other is a hell of an achomplishment. You have nothing to be ashamed of Jack. No matter what happens, you are a winner in my book! Keep working to better yourself! Good things happen to people who do good!!!
