Well this very long day is nearly over. Thankfully.
The court process was not so bad. I was not weepy and only a little emotional. The divorce before the judge took 5 minutes although we were there for an hour and a half.
We both had to say that we believed the marriage was "irretreivably broken down." I did not believe this, but we could not have gone thru this amiable and uncontested, relatively inexpensive process if I did not agree with this statement in front of the judge. My L warned me of this and we discussed it many times. In order to honor my objection, and not be obstructive, I decided to write my h a letter stating my feelings about it. I crafted a beautiful letter over the last couple of months. It truly spoke my heart. Then I debated about whether to send it, or give it to him. And in the end - as of last week, I made the decision to not share it. The reason for the decision had nothing to do with DBing, acting as if, or any of that, but because seeing my feelings in a written form felt too vulnerable for me. Somehow this was a very big decision for me (I know is sounds a bit trivial) and once it was made I felt very relieved which made me know that it was right. I have told him some of what was in the letter over the last couple of days and that is enough.
After the court procedures were done, he asked if I wanted to go out for coffee which I agreed to do. We spent a couple of hours at Starbucks talking. Again about his job, the kids, same same. As usual it is friendly, lots of memories, names, places, etc. He is stuck in his life. I finally asked a couple of questions about the ow. Somehow knowing we are now divorced makes it easier. I have never put much weight on thinking that she mattered, and she is a bandaid in that she is healing a boo boo for my ex, however she may stick for the rest of his life. I still don't care about her one way or another... but I have to say from what I know I think this follows the standard midlife male affair-down scenerio. Nuff said about that. I tell my xh many things that he does not know about our kids. He is out of the loop. He is welcome back in but will have to make an effort - will he? We shall see. Will we have a friendship - I don't know. It is all a process and will only be revealed in time.
As we left I gave him a card that had I found that said:
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) I wish you well, goodbye and good luck. With love, Amy
Then l went out for lunch with my friend. Then I came home and took a long nap. Then my gs and DIL came home, and my S23 came home, and my DIL made Thai food for dinner and my S29 came home and we ate and we were happy and they all lived happily ever after. xxx Amy
Amy, after reading your thread, I can tell the ow will never be able to shine your shoes. I can't help believe that even in that foggy mind of your Hs that he doesn't know somehow that he is making a mistake.
Blessings.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I can congratulate you on handling the court/divorce with dignity but I already knew you would, or I can congratulate you on the beginning of the rest of your life....
So CONGRATULATIONS on your NEW LIFE. As Ah said, what a wonderful gift to have your family who loves you with you right now. I've been having this craving for Thai Food.....something about those red pepper flakes done me in!! Spicy food keeps the insides healthy!
Well darling....
***CLINK***
A toast to your future!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I am so glad you made it through all the legal stuff!! And how great to have your family around you afterwards.
We started about the same time, but my D was final a little over a year ago. Take the time you need, it being official is different than it being in limbo.
You have the best assets of your marriage, the respect and relationship of your children and family. I do not know how my X justifies his choices when he sees what a strained and superficial relationship he has with his children.
I am no longer angry at him, but truely feel pity for him because he has become a very angry, lonely old man.
I wish you nothing but the best in your future. I love the quote on card you gave your X.
I'm back. That is, the trainwreck feeling is letting go. Kinda like getting a good night's sleep after several days of barely sleeping at all. And with that wide awakeness, to tell the truth, I am actually feeling relieved that this is over. The dreaded act, the dreaded day is behind me.
I woke up thinking: he is with her? (knowing what I now know).. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... Missmyfriend, you are right, she will not be able to shine my shoes, or fill my shoes or whatever. My xh has really made some astounding decisions here and in the process helped me to realize that he is now no prize.
My busy household moves along and that is the real prize. I have my life, my kids and off I go. And hurrah for a 3 day weekend! xxx Amy
