New To SSM

[COG]

Well I started out in "Newcomers" forum back in 03, then quickly moved on to "Separated - Now What"?, then happily moved to "Piecing" about a year ago, and here I am, somewhat reluctantly in the "Sex Starved M".

There's a link in the footer to my Success Story. My previous thread in Piecing, still active, is My Latest Thread.

Basically W and I reconciled about 14 months ago, after four years of separation. Things were great to begin with, but the sexual part of our R dwindled very quickly. She just was'nt comfortable with it. We're still together, still best friends, still doing very well together, but the spark just is'nt happening.

I'm to the point of acceptance that, at 48, I may never have sex again. I'm also thinking that I can probably live without it if it means keeping my family together. It would be one thing if my W was a lying, cheating, angry, resentful, discouraging person, but she's not. She's very supportive, caring, friendly, honest, and beautiful. Just does'nt have a sex drive right now.

So here I am! Finally coming out of the closet, no more denial, no more excuses, I'm in a SEX STARVED M!

Looking forward to meeting some new friends here.

God Bless,

COG

[OG_Lou]

COG welcome to the forum. I am 63 (male) and couldn't get over the idea of not having sex again at my age, let alone at 48.

I haven't read your story so won't give any advice right now.

There are a lot of good people here. I am certain when some become familiar with your history, they will post.

Lou

[frank_D]

You were in a closet? Kinky.

[Heywyre]

Hmmm I so far I am the only female on COG's thread - along with two other guys - now THAT's kinky

COG, COG - my dear friend. I am sure we could talk for hours about the lack of interest in our spouses but that would just discourage us wouldn't it? I have been living with a spouse (that couldn't care less about sex) for the past, roughly, 14 years and you are complaining about 14 months?

Truly, no word of a lie, since 1993 (roughly) we have had sex (and I am being generous here) about 10 times - and only once in the past 3½ years - how sad is that. So when H says he "thinks the feeling is coming back" you can well imagine how I don't get my hopes up too high. I have heard that comment so many times its like a broken record or the boy who cried wolf, whatever saying you want to use, I have heard them all

I have been in complete menopause for about 3 years now and that, for those of you that don't know, can be like a male being roughly in his 20's when it comes to the sex drive - so not a good combination.

Have I screwed around on my H - no.

Do I plan to - no (at least not yet although the thought has crossed my mind many a time)

Have I tried everything under the sun - you betcha!

Do I still love him - amazingly so, yes

So the fight will continue

[jacqm]

so, with these ssm's, as mine could have been called before the B, is it because we just don't elicit that sort of response--meaning, we just don't do it for them anymore?
Yet, in Christian terms, doesn't His word say He will restore tenfold what has been taken away (or something like that without me looking it up)?
Since Love is a choice, not a feeling, is sex the same way?
Are all the trust and/or other issues dealt with?
I know, in my case, resentment and unexpressed anger dampened a lot of the times i spent with my H until he stopped trying...i so wish i could have "do-overs"!
jacqm

ps, i posted on your other thread, COG

[Heywyre]

COG - old wise one

I was hoping you could help me with something since you seem to have incredible insight. I posted this on piecing, but just in case you don't see it ...

You briefly know my sitch and that this is the second go-around for me regarding infidelity on my H's part - both times with escorts (which is a whole issue in itself)

H has been somewhat obsessed that his encounters with OW(particularly the last one) were productive and that he was just trying to "help her" get out of her situation. To some degree I believe him. He has always had that type of personality - helping the underdog so to speak - and he has some guilt issues regarding his own two daughters, which to me just amplifies this sitch all the more.

Anyway, he has been searching, off and on, the personals to see if OW is still posting her ad. Well, I couldn't sleep last night and started thinking about it. Being I am much better on the computer than he is, by a long shot, I thought I would do some of my own searching and guess what I found, an escort website that had a link to her page. There were numerous guys that had put postings on the board saying they had gone to see her and they gave their comments about her (which weren't as discussing actually as I thought they would be) They actually said some pretty decent things about her. Unfortunately, I also saw her picture which just burns in my memory now (all the more reason to feel insecure and inadequate - she's a perky 25 year old with a great body - how can I compete?)

So, there's the question. Should I burst my H's bubble and let him know she is still "working" or just let it go and have him continue to keep checking to confirm (in his mind) that all their "talks" and his powers (*chuckle*) helped her get away from the business?

I would appreciate your opinion

[cemar2]

Heywyre:

I have heard before that menopause amplifies (good or bad) the sex drive before menopause, meaning that ig you have a sex drive, it will go even higher, and if you have little sex drive, it will go even lower. Observing my wife, she had little and yes it went to nothing.

[COG]

Heywyre,

I have been in complete menopause for about 3 years now and that, for those of you that don't know, can be like a male being roughly in his 20's when it comes to the sex drive

YEEHAA!! I can't wait till my W starts HER menopause!

Truly, no word of a lie, since 1993 (roughly) we have had sex (and I am being generous here) about 10 times - and only once in the past 3½ years - how sad is that.

Ouch! That's pretty tough. It's been 4 times in the past five years for us. Here's the deal though. You and I are HOT! We rock! Our S's are out to lunch regarding sex. It's THEIR loss. I for one am NOT going to let it get me down/up, whatever. There's so much more to life!

Love,

COG

[COG]

cemar,

meaning that ig you have a sex drive, it will go even higher, and if you have little sex drive, it will go even lower.

I'm just going to pretend I did'nt read that.

Yuk!

COG

[Heywyre]

I totally agree on that one - its just not worth the effort anymore. If and when he finally comes around and wants it - hmmmm I will have to think about that one