Preparing for the end game, maybe.

[LoginName]

Locked up my second thread. I know some have locked many more, but it's a milestone for me.

Quickly, because I am surprisingly not in the mood to write just now, but know I might not get another chance for a while, and I'm not in the mood to be so depressed, and think writing may help exorcise the pain.

Last night I picked up my W from the airport. She was returning from a job interview in AR. I think they will offer her the job. I think she will take the job. I have reason to believe she'll ask me to join her, and reason to believe she won't. I have reason to believe she'll want one or both kids, and I have reason to believe she will leave both with me. In other words, I don't know, I can't read her mind, and I can't control it.

I also have reason to believe she would go back to the OM, and reason to believe she would not. Same thing. Can't control it, can't read her mind, still drives me crazy.

I think today I'm feeling self-pity. I've learned somethings about the OM, and he is one hell of a guy. Meanwhile, I'm a loser. Can you tell I have self esteem issues? I don't have a W who loves me, and I'm probably not worthy of her, or anyone's love.

I'm also jealous of my W. She is looking at a bright future with a new PhD, new job, and new OM (?). I'm looking at being a single father, being responsible, being too broke to have fun.

Ah, it's working, really wallowing in the self pity is making me laugh at myself and get over it. I do feel all those things, but it's not the whole story, or all of me. I feel positive about many things too.

I'm trying to be prepared. I'm trying to understand my own feelings and what I want. If she leaves, how will I live? What will I change, keep the same? If she stays, same questions.

I don't see much hope right now, although I see a few examples on this message board of success. I won't give up hope. My biggest hope should be that I, and the kids, will come through this stronger and better.

Damn, I hope tomorrow is better.

[*KS*Chick*]

my only suggestion is that AR is Arkansas and AZ is Arizona - going to read the rest now

[*KS*Chick*]

I think today I'm feeling self-pity. I've learned somethings about the OM, and he is one hell of a guy.

what is so great about him???

[lawless]

I think today I'm feeling self-pity. I've learned somethings about the OM, and he is one hell of a guy.

what is so great about him???

And more importantly what makes you so terrible........


It's all in your head.

[Cinderellaman]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((LiN))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope this made you feel a tiny bit better !!!

Please see yourself as the wonderful person that you are, whyever would you think OM is such a hell of a guy ?! These OP are NOT IMPORTANT, they are just filling a gap, filling in space, please don't compare yourself but know your strong points !!!!


Take care !xxx

[MariS]

LN,

These thoughts & feelings you are having are NORMAL, and you are NOT alone....

It can be so much easier to wallow in the self-pity & not make the attempt to climb out of the dispare. Like you, I am worried about being a single parent, broke & watching S go on w/OP & leave a fantastic family behind.

Yes, I am too trying understand my own feelings w/the same questions you are having about S staying or going.

We must focus on us & our children, which is easier to write than do. :-)

Sending you "Atta boys" & PMA

[LoginName]

wow, thanks, you all are helping.

I think it is normal to wallow a bit in self pity. Better here than in front of them, no? But then you've got to pull out of it.

The OM: My W's high school sweetheart, first love. Lawyer, handsome, musculur, plays piano, working on a novel, published author (law book), owns a Harley, lots of friends.

[His negatives, that I know of: He's shorter than me, if that's negative, has been divorced for about 1.5 years (she left him) I think he called my W once and said he was near suicide (?)and... she came back home!)

What's so bad about me? No ambition (fear of failure?), little self confidence, skinny, not much talent in anything (music, sports, etc) never been very popular, especially with the opposite sex (although I've been married forever to my first love, so who knows?), not handy at all around the house (fear of doing it wrong keeps me from trying some of the projects).

[My positives: I've acheived a bit despite my failings (acheived rank of Commander in US Navy, have a good professional job, make good money, earned an MBA, raising 2 fantastic kids (I must have something to do with that) ). I'm caring, compasionate (probably to a fault).

I guess basically, I'm a human with good and bad qualities. So is the OM. If she would be happier with him, or someone else, I can't control that and have to move past it. It will take a bit to get over the feelings of rejection and the blow to my ego though.

UA,
I'm guessing your H feels inadequate too, and rejected, even though you are not rejecting him and feel he is more than adequate. It's hard to get over those feelings with the fragile male ego.
I wish the OM in my sitch was a POS and my W realized it. One of my W's sadnesses (is that a word) is that she has lost OM not only as a lover but as a friend.

I think I've done really well Not thinking of OM for the past few months. I was feeling weak due to thinking my W will be leaving soon for her new job (that she may or may not get).

Cinders, you're right, and I've told others this often myself, it's not about the OP. They do exacerbate things sometimes though.

I'm trying hard not to try to guess what's going to happen in the future, but I keep thinking she will be offered the job, accept it, and decide to go and not want me to join her. It makes me sad. I feel like I'm saying good bye and grieving her and our M new everyday.

Thanks again y'all.

[*KS*Chick*]

If you're feeling down about yourself, I noticed a few things you could do - as GAL activities...

If you think he's muscular and you're not - hit the gym.
As far as home improvement projects, most home improvement stores offer workshops...take some.

Little ambition? Look at your +'s you listed. You had to have ambition to get those things - except the kids LOL

I agree that H feels inadequate, like he can't measure up to om which is SOOOOOO not the case. I pray in time he sees it's true.

[LoginName]

Good advice. I am feeling too much self pity today. There are things I can do. And even if I don't feel like doing it, the act of doing something will still be beneficial. If I wait until I feel like doing stuff, I might not do it. Kind of an "Act as If" situation. I'll act as if I'm happy, and before I know it, I will be.

I don't think I can compete with the OM by building muscle, but I have started a little lifting because it feels good and makes me feel good about me.

Good advice about home improvements. I think I'll check out the home improvement store tonight!

You're doing a great job with your H. It will take him some time, but in the end, he'll feel super special because you chose him over OM, and faught so hard to keep H. He can't help but have is ego boosted eventually.

[MariS]

LN,

Yes, do the "As If." It will help your spirits!