Onhold, Thank you for coming to our forum and sharing your thoughts and experiences. It helps those that post and read here. I've followed your postings over on 4060 and admire the way that you've conducted yourself throughout your w's crisis.
Keep up the good work. It looks like things are starting to really turn around for you now. Happy New Year!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you snodderly, I have read many of your posts (and quoted many) also - and I think it is wonderful that you have hung around all this time to keep helping others in need.
The conections still continue to grow deeper, which I didn't think was going to be possible - I know our M was not this good before all of this happened.
I will say again "This has been a great life changing experience - that has turned out wonderfully. Don't ever ask me to do it again"
This has been a turning point to a better M. In 25 years will either of us will remember much about this time? Because in 50 years neither of us will remember much of anything.
My sitch is this. W unilaterally walked out 5 months ago. She led me to believe that a reconciliation was possible -- nice some days, mean others. I worked my tail off DBing, while she proceeded (or continued-I don't know) to have an affair right under my nose (and the noses of our children).
I confronted her. She admitted. A day later, she recanted saying she made it up to get me off her back.
Classic MLC!
Meanwhile, she was always of the belief that if a person wanted to mess around, they ought to get divorced first, not cheat on their spouse.
She is indignant, acting as if she had a right to have an affair. She even said I would take her back tomorrow if she asked to come home. I told her I would not touch her, don't respect her, and that she should file. She said she did, but I have yet to be served.
Sounds just like a teenager doesn't it? But very typical of MLC - I don't want you, but I want to know I can come back at any time (or at least keep themselves convinced that this is true). When they do find someone........
hyper ego mode!!!
Beliefs prior to MLC - usually mean nothing. And the "right" to have an affair is just delusional rationalization - or justification for short.
I'll try to check out your thread (been getting busy at work - where I do most of my board crawling).
This has been a turning point to a better M. In 25 years will either of us will remember much about this time? Because in 50 years neither of us will remember much of anything.
AZ, Just wanted to say I am so happy your wife said those words to you. You waited a long time for things to piece back together; thank God things are working out for you. It helps so much to read a success story like this. Thanks.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I haven't been over here for a while - but the connection deepens and life together has continued to improve.............Feb - I started to loose count of the ILU's.............not the end of every conversation like pre-MLC, but several.
There is hope post MLC - not every sitch goes extremely smoothly, but if both people grow.................it's got a pretty good chance.
This has been a turning point to a better M. In 25 years will either of us will remember much about this time? Because in 50 years neither of us will remember much of anything.
Thanks for stopping by our forum again. Many here know what a standing hero you have been over at sixtyforty and some know of your positive situation.
But for those who don't know, you are something of a classic success. Not story book. Story books don't involve so much work and so much patience. A true classic mlc success story ends with a slow reconnection and baby steps. It involves a great deal of personal change and growth in two people.
Thank you, It wasn't easy - and it wasn't me alone. God was my strength - the various BB's and support were wonderful.............................one needs distraction to get their mind off of the pain and turmoil.
It's been a few months since I've checked in, busy on other boards - but life continues to go well. Currently we are in foster parenting classes to get our license. Later this month we are going on a family vacation to W's Mothers (up North - out of this heat) and relax for 7 - 10 days........................not allot of planning, just relaxing.
This has been a turning point to a better M. In 25 years will either of us will remember much about this time? Because in 50 years neither of us will remember much of anything.
