10 Steps to avoiding divorce part 1. 1) Spend time together
The number one cause for the breakdown in marriage today is that couples aren’t spending enough time together or making the relationship a priority. Everything else seems to take precedence- work, children, hobbies, relatives, community commitments. And when include children on this list, most people say, “But Michele, we both work, so on weekends or evenings, we don’t want to be away from our children.” To that I say, “The best thing you can do for your kids is to put your marriage first.” Marriages that are time-starved are at risk of divorce because partners stop being friends. This leads to a lack of connection which leads to a multitude of problems. Avoid this by planning time together…alone!
2) Have sex
Sex is one of the most important connections in marriage. Do whatever it takes to keep passion alive. Desire is a decision. Even if you are feeling turned off and tuned out, with what we now know about boosting libido, there is no reason anyone wanting a more vibrant sex life can’t have one. Whether the causes for a ho-hum sex life are biological, relational or personal, help is available. Sex-lite marriages often lead to infidelity or divorce.
It’s not just about sex. Affectionate touch is important too. Hold hands. Sit together on the couch. Cuddle in bed. If you happen to be married to someone whose “love language” is touch, you can say, “I love you,” make delicious meals, work your butt off at the office, or buy expensive gifts and nothing will say, “I adore you,” as well as a good hug or kiss. Stay in touch.
Recall how you and your spouse flirted in the early days? Do that throughout your marriage and it will stay exciting. Did you have pet names? Did you tell your spouse s/he looked hot? Were you more playful? Did you surprise each other once in a while? How about x-rated emails or texts? Do what you did when the fires were burning and watch how that heats things up.
5) Talk frequently
Check in with each other daily. Talk about important feelings and issues. Don’t shut down when you are hurt. Keep the lines of communication open. This goes for you too, even if you’re a guy. While it’s true that most guys prefer doing over talking, it’s also true that meaningful , heartfelt conversations are truly important when it comes to intimacy. Don’t let a day go by without asking about your spouse’s day.