neffer, i'm strong for me and my D, but me and hope...lol like i say i've just read so much about how terribly hard R is post-A. and if i'm being honest and w has had one, i couldn't stay with her. simple and as soul crushing as that. D is the formal end, but if she left at BD because of any kind of A then we(I) was done as soon as it started. there MUST be better times ahead for sure.
lh, apologies if i misquoted/misunderstood you. i don't believe its only women in their 40's really. i guess from being on here, it seems like the entire world of men/women are unhappy. :-)
so there are no mutual friends and she has family all around her. W has but one friend who is not close. and for me as i've said, i have not one single time even been interested to try and find out. if there is/was an A/OM then as i say i'm done/finished at that point anyway and she left so what difference does it make. best not to beat myself up over something i couldn't control anyway and i D**M sure know i'm a good man that didn't deserve the betrayal.
i think W's plan is just keeping it very hidden until D for appearances. i think she had one, probably for much longer than i would ever imagine, she BD/separated from me when the "other nest" was strong in her opinion, scapegoats me to be the bad guy/justify to her family/hope they buy it, goes away to conduct the PA, will keep it out of sight until she can D me ASAP and THEN..."family here's OM, we met after B and I separated, I'm a good person, didn't cheat" it would be terribly difficult for W if she thinks her family thinks she cheated. for me if she did, she freed/lost me from her the second it started. i hope it was worth it for her IF it happened.