It takes a very long time for some of them to work through all of the stages. They can bounce back and forth throughout the stages and it can be a bit confusing for those who have to sit on the sidelines and try to figure them out. Key here is to just leave them be, listen but offer no advice unless they ask for it. Try not to ask questions because if you sit quietly, they will eventually tell on themselves.
As for him inquiring as to whether you had a boyfriend...he is trying to appease his own guilt for having the ow in his life. If you had said yes, you will have lifted his guilt for doing what he is doing with her.
I know you want this to be over and done with, but he has a ways to go. Try to keep the focus on you and what you need to do to survive. Make a list of things that you have put on the back burner and start working on that list. Any changes that you make, make sure that they are for you and not to convince him to come home.
MLC is about their inner pain, a pain that was stuffed down many years ago when they were young. If they didn't navigate the quarter life changes at 20, 30, etc., then the crisis will hit at mid-life. It is all about them and you have to remember...you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him.
Now is the time to focus on you and your life. Leave your h in God's hands.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Offering no advice should b easy considering he is ghosting me. It's funny, (not haha funny) how they think they are the smart ones in this situation and they are making the smarter choices. H would say I am thinking more clear than I have ever thought.
They are like teenagers, they think they know it all. Their brain is scrambled like a bunch of twisted wires. They will try anything and everything to find relief from their emotional pain. MLC is all about depression and emotions. They know deep down that something is wrong, but they can't put their finger on what the problem is. Thus, they think it is the marriage/relationship and you. It is not you at all, but them.
Continue to focus on you and what you can do to survive. BTW, he will pop out of his rabbit hole periodically just to check to see if you are still there. It's very common with them.
Hang in there! This is not a sprint, but a super long run.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That's exactly what happens in the past, out of the blue I will get a text or call, him asking what I am doing. In the past I've always bought into it, which ended with us hanging out. What is your suggestion when he comes out of his rabbit hole?
It sounds like our H's are in the same place in MLC tunnel. Maybe they're enjoying their pot and cycling together. sigh. You're not alone. I'm in a similar place; some differences. H and I were married 26 years this past week. Spent the morning together. Came back to our family home to play cards until he had to go his house (yes, he bought a house and move out in Dec) to take a nap before an appt. Can't make this stuff up, and worse, can't explain it. It's hard. very hard. Hand in there and know you're not alone.
If he calls and asks what you are doing, you can always say that you are busy and can't talk at the moment. You do not need to tell him what you are doing. Better yet, hold off returning his calls and texts for a couple of hours and if he asks why you didn't answer, respond "I'm sorry, I was busy." No need for any other explanation.
Also, be mysterious, do not be so readily available to hang out. You want him to miss you and that can't happen if you are hanging out. Sounds like the ow isn't always available to hang out with him.
They can't miss you if you are still right where they left you. You need to move forward and create a new life and who knows...one they see that you have moved forward and are getting on with things, they just might want to spend more time with you and eventually come back to earth.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am growing stronger everyday. Before I would hear a song on the radio that made me think of him so I would send it to him, I would text him and tell him I love him, send him a scripture, or invite to church. I haven't done any of those things in abt 2wks, I know that doesn't seem like a long time or much progress, trust me it is. I had a visit today with one of my boys and it was fun. He talked abt working out of town and I listened. He hit golf balls and we chased them😂. Just had a good visit. We haven't been able to do that in a long time cause I was very emotional and knowing they talked to their dad I would want to ask questions abt how he was doing, nothing abt OW however cause I don't want to know anything abt that, those kinds questions don't help they only hurt. My boys are all grown and have their own lives and are amazing young men. I am a proud momma. They don't talk abt the situation, they love both of us and just want us to be happy. It's hard not to ask questions and something I really have to work on when I'm with them. H is still being very quiet with me at least, don't know abt anybody else. Oh well it is what it is and hopefully he will figure it out. I have set a goal to move out of this camper by the end of summer, praying for a job opportunity to allow that to happen. So far it's been a good day and I know there's more ahead, as long as I stay grounded in my faith, keep my eyes on God and his will on my life.
I am a child of God and I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
