Midlife March Madness

[Card29]

URS0, I don't know your situation too well, but I feel for you. I know those feelings of confusion, loss, pain. Do you think her getting an L is adversarial in some way, or possibly just precaution? Either way, you almost can't expect a logical reaction about anything from the WAS during the separation and D process.

Post more updates if it helps you. Are you still about to move? And did you say why you were moving? Sorry if I missed it

[MrP]

I want to second what Pattnee5 says about making the right decision and being sad NOT being mutually exclusive. We can be really torn about wanting to save the marriage, spare kids the D, feeling like we've failed when and feeling stuck ourselves, unable to move on, and punching a wall. Even if you've done the DBing you could and the spouse isn't responsive, hopefully, you've gotten back your confidence, dignity, and health. Maintain your boundaries, don't let feelings drive your decisions (as another poster once said, there are plenty of people in prison who followed their feelings), and know you're doing all that is within your control.

[DnJ]

Good Morning U

At the beginning of August I realized there was no relationship to continue standing for.

We all start out standing for our spouse and the relationship. We are so hurt and in shock it’s an almost default position.

In time, we heal and grow. We start to see with less rose coloured glasses. We find detachment and even indifference.

During this temporary muting / attenuation of the cacophony of our spouse and situation is an excellent opportunity to discover one’s deeply held beliefs and convictions. Strengthen those values that serve, craft those you aspire to, and discard/alter those that do not serve.

Standing changes. Perfectly normal. Standing evolves into standing for you. Standing for your convictions.

Allow ample time and effort to dig into this inner work. (Re)Discover yourself. Stand for you.

D

[DnJ]

And it’s time for a new thread.