So the message as it is today, you would keep it that way?
I just wanted to know if I need to change anything about the message, or if it's OK as it is.
I agree with kml about not reminding H of the legalities of forbidding him to not stay in the house. I think the following is pretty good:
I suggest you best look for somewhere else to stay while you are in "Home country". We are still married so to me this is adultery and not in line with my values nor with the values I want to pass on to the children.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
You seem to tell me that I can stand for H, and the chance he is offered by the psychiatrist, but that this is completely separate from the beliefs I’m standing for, right?
We seem to have a bit of confusion methinks.
I think your beliefs and values include compassion towards H. His chance at help from the psychiatrist would be within your good and kind nature to allow and even hope for.
I promote standing for one’s self. We all start out standing for our marriage and our spouse. In time we heal and discover our core self and beliefs. We then stand for ourself. Our values. Our convictions.
I sense those are not at odds with you. As I said, your kind compassionate nature leads to hope. It’s a bit of semantics, yet a needed bit which provides clarity. You believe in H’s chance at help. You stand for your beliefs. In that point of view, this is not separate from what you are standing for.
Beliefs are slow to change and are therefore very good headings for life. Ensure you are happy with your values and alter those which you need too. After that, living that life, standing and such, is pretty easy. Though, it does take some time to get there.
It is supporting H’s opportunity and standing for you. Note: Supporting H, not enabling H.
Support and compassion has a component of indifference to it. One has to allow their spouse to make their choices. Allow them to feel the consequences of their choices. We need not do that maliciously or with intent. In fact, one should not. That is part of the manipulation I was speaking about. We don’t act because of our spouse, we take action because of ourselves.
I hope that makes sense.
One a personal note. Well everything here is meant for you. Ok, on a topic directly about your path. You are experiencing the stage of bargaining.
I found bargaining to be such a weird time. It is the last ditch emotional effort to hang on to that “old” normal. Before one moves forwards and let’s go. It’s the precursor to the depression that follows moving towards accepting the loss.
I think you can see how some of your feelings fit in to that idea. And it’s perfectly normal and healthy.
Be kind, and not a doormat. Stand for yourself, and limit unneeded pressure. Embrace your life/self and let go.
Standing for you, requires one to stand up. To stand up for what one beliefs in.
Have faith my friend, you’re doing fine.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Please start a new thread and link both threads together.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
