Thanks for digging my thread up from the archives, jacqm! So glad to hear from you. Haven't had much gumption to post my own story for a while, but lurking and reading about everyone else.
H is back in MC with me for now. We're trying to mutually hit a "reset" button on the R. Harder than it sounds, but we had a little mini "date night" last night (just played 2 rounds of Scrabble after the kids went to bed. He smoked me, like usual. I start off strong, but he almost always wins). Then I went to bed with a raging head cold, and he went to his downstairs office to work. Small progress. We're both so flippin' uncomfortable with each other, it's difficult to see how we'll get out.
But that's where God comes in, right? Anyway, our anniversary is next week (and ironically, one year since OW contacted H for the last time) and he has been proactive in making sure I give him the babysitter's phone number, so he can call her about it. That is also nice (usually I have to line up all the childcare ducks in a row).
And he's been leaving me Good Morning notes like he used to (nothing mushy, just a smiley face note), and that is also something that makes me feel nice.
Well, I was interrupted by a man at the door from the electric company asking for past due amount of $219 - ugh. Thank God today is payday and I wrote a check. Nightmare to be chased down on so many fronts. Financially, spiritually, emotionally. YUCK. My D7 had resistant strep this month, and her 2nd Rx cost us $192 - OMGosh it's so awful not to be able to afford health insurance!! I miss having a $20 copay for everything. (ending rant)
Anyway, that's the small scoop from here. No fat drama -this week, anyway. Read the blog if you need any more drama.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Thanks for stopping by my thread...and bringing your light.
I am proud of you.....it's not an easy path you're taking and you are doing so well with all the struggles - though it may not feel that way all the time.
Financially, our ship is sinking. Has been for a while, but I kept thinking things would get better soon. And then time would pass, and I would think Things will get better soon. And more time would pass and .... you get the idea.
There's no Silver Lining here.
Now I'm just defeated. I see no light at the end of our tunnel. H has been out of work for over a year now. His 'marketability' in a high white-collar position is waning with so long out of work. It appears that I will be the one doing all the work for a while, and while I was deluding myself that this was Just For A Season, it looks like there's no end to it.
And it's not like I'm making enough $ to sustain us. We've gone through H's entire cashed-out 401K, and his unemployment checks end in a few weeks. Then he'll try to find some menial job, which will A) make him feel like sh!t, and B) bring on a whole set of childcare issues, since he's been able to be home with them fulltime.
We're behind on our mortgage - we've had to renegotiate with the mtg co. to not go into Breach of Contract. Basically agreeing to pay big fat monthly payments thru June. I will have to pick up extra shifts to try to get this $ somehow.
Night shift is killing me
My anniversary is tomorrow and we don't have $ to do anything.
My 40th birthday is at the end of the month, and will likely not be much of an 'event' past a cake that I will likely make. On a positive note, everyone I work with is always shocked at my age, saying I look 25. Woo! A positive thing. Take note, there's not many here.
A college friend of mine turns 40 a week before me, and I got an invitation to a big bash for her. I can't attend (it's too far away), but I got all down -feeling like my life is at a dead end. Not even a party. Nothing worth celebrating. Yeah, I'm whining. But dammit, people, I've been looking for the silver lining for so long, and it's just not happening. After a while, that wears you down. And here I am.
If it were just the marriage, or just the finances, or just the job thing, but it's everything. Everything. I thank God for our health every day, though.
All I want to do is sleep. And never wake up. Even H has said he just wishes he were dead. Yes, it's that bad.
Now. I've vented here, and will go on about my day. Sorry for the downer.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
As far as the $ problems go, I am so sorry that you are where you are. Keep your head up!
For your B-Day-There are plenty of free or cheap things to do if you think about it and they can be fun. Go to the mall and window shop. Go to a park and enjoy the beautiful spring weather. (It's pouring rain where I am), go for a drive, gas is high, but splurge. Take the kids to a zoo, rent your favorite movie and veg in front of the TV.
Take control of the situation and have fun. Money isn't the secret to fun.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Thanks, ya'll. I hope we can do some stuff like that. Maybe a picnic. I'll bounce back a little bit I'm sure. Just at the bottom of the valley right now.
Just got off the phone with our MC; had to cancel appt yesterday (and can't reschedule in the foreseeable future) and had to explain that all to her. She was supportive and sympathetic, which is nice. This is just difficult. But what else is new? My energy to 'mobilize' for the fight is low right now, but I will hopefully be renewed and transformed - just in time for Easter
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
