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A Message from Michele
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Moving Forward #979019
03/18/07 07:08 PM
03/18/07 07:08 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Alabama
J
Jeff223 Offline OP
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Jeff223  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,841
Alabama
Thread 1
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Thread 6

Thread #7. What a year! I am glad that last tread locked - never want to repeat that stuff!

But after this trial, I am so happy I cannot stand it!

Brief recap:
Me: 51, WAW: 43; two kids: S9 and D6
Bomb (I don’t love you – I am leaving next month): Jan 06
She never left but I moved out to give her space: 11 May 06
She wants a D (via an email): Jun 06
Complaint for Divorce filed D: 11 Oct 06

It has been over a year now.

WAW wants a D and will not consider changing her mind. I made changes and worked hard and I was hoping for a turn around, especially over the holidays. But nothing has changed and now it is time to move forward.

No, I am not quitting. But there comes a time when if you love someone you must not hold them against their will. If she feels certain that I am no longer right for her, then she cannot be right for me. That is her decision; it says nothing about me.

I haven't been letting go of W. I am letting go now. I'm sorry she is gone. It's nobody’s fault; it's just the way it is. I must accept it; I cannot move forward until I do.

It is time to GAL, move on, focus on me and my children.

I am not a failure here. Why am I so happy? I have been given these great gifts:

-------

I am coming to know what it is to be a man.

I am now in touch with me and my emotions.

I now know what unconditional love is (finally!)

I now know that I am in control of my life.

I now accept who I am and I will never again apologize for it.

I now know that I will do great things with my life. I will strive to grow.

I can now lead an honorable and compelling life filled with opportunities, not roadblocks.

I now understand that I must move my life from one centered on validation toward a life governed by these principles, my core values: Integrity, Respect (self-respect and respecting others), Family, Faith, Loyalty, Understanding, Perseverance, Knowledge, Freedom and Forgiveness.

I am certain that I will continue to nourish my wonderful R with my kids that did not exist before.

I now realize that I must be be the best former H I can be. I will support her as best I can.

Strength and Honor.


Jeff

Current Thread
Re: Moving Forward [Re: Jeff223] #979054
03/18/07 07:54 PM
03/18/07 07:54 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,152
ON CANADA
I
I_Still_Love_Him Offline
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I_Still_Love_Him  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,152
ON CANADA
Hey Jeff,

Found you ;\)

What a year indeed. It has been a test of strength and character and you PASSED.
Quote:
I am not a failure here. Why am I so happy? I have been given these great gifts:


Right you are and what gifts they are. You sound good. I know your future will be brighter (even when you don't believe it). The time truly has come to take care of Jeff and let God's plan unfold. That plan is unknown but it will reveal itself one day soon.

Hugs,
ISLH


Me: 49 - S22 & S26
H: 41 - No kids
M: 10/00
Bomb New Year's Day 2006
H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07
D final 07/07
Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Re: Moving Forward [Re: I_Still_Love_Him] #981159
03/20/07 03:27 PM
03/20/07 03:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 210
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Lost_for_now Offline
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Lost_for_now  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 210
Hey Jeff,

Reading your post made me think of something. I had dinner with my parents a couple days ago, and my mom said something to me. She said, every once in a while I make a "grateful list" of things that I am grateful for. It helps me. I thought that was a great idea, and your list of 'gifts' that you listed reminded me of that.

It really sounds like you're doing great, and I hope to one day get to the point that you are now at.


Current thread

Me-38
W-31
No Kids
Bomb-10/10/06
She moved out very soon after, and is filing for divorce very soon.
Re: Moving Forward [Re: Jeff223] #981443
03/20/07 05:28 PM
03/20/07 05:28 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,434
BaseballAnnie Offline
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BaseballAnnie  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,434
You sound amazing.

I am so happy for you, that you find yourself in this place.

I wish only good things for you.

besos,
BA


"Go where your best prayers take you." -- Frederick Buechner
Re: Moving Forward [Re: BaseballAnnie] #984994
03/22/07 09:12 PM
03/22/07 09:12 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
F
faithisbelieving Offline
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faithisbelieving  Offline
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F
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
My friend...my rock....that's you Jeff. Overall, you are a great guy.

My turn:

I admire you Jeff..your strength, your honesty, your character, your compassion for people you have never even met.

Frank


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Re: Moving Forward [Re: faithisbelieving] #985523
03/23/07 04:46 AM
03/23/07 04:46 AM
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,237
F
ford Offline
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,237
Heyya Jeff

you're definitely a success.

showing you can go through the mud and still clean up nicely, can only give hope to those whose situations are not the brightest.

Re: Moving Forward [Re: ford] #987893
03/25/07 04:03 PM
03/25/07 04:03 PM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,442
Surrey, UK
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Jen_Jam Offline
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Jen_Jam  Offline
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Posts: 1,442
Surrey, UK
WOW Jeff.
This is great - you are a model of acceptance.

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out, I know you gave your best, and it looks to me like you can walk away with your head held high saying "I tried what I could but it's not to be".

That takes a lot of strength.

I hope you continue to stick about. I like to think of YOU as a success story. (OK, the DB may not be a success but to my eyes YOU are a success - does that make sense?)


Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05
Seperated Sept/Oct 05
Oct 06 - H recomitted
July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Re: Moving Forward [Re: Jen_Jam] #987897
03/25/07 04:07 PM
03/25/07 04:07 PM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
F
faithisbelieving Offline
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faithisbelieving  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 4,035
NY
...an absolute success. Thanks for your continued patience Jeff and upbeat attitude to me. FIB


Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Re: Moving Forward [Re: faithisbelieving] #989709
03/26/07 11:53 PM
03/26/07 11:53 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,910
North Carolina
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Bworl Offline
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Bworl  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,910
North Carolina
Jeff,

I have no doubt that you will see this ending through with the same dignity and honor that you've handled everything else with.

There does indeed come a time when we have to believe that when they say they are done, they are done. You have used this ordeal to become a better man, a better father, a better son, and, one day, a better husband. Maybe the whole point of ministering to each other through this site like we do is to ensure that each of us use this critical time in our lives to prepare ourselves for the life that remains in front of us. I think we are all guilty from time to time of thinking that our marriage issues are the beginning, middle, and end of our existence as human beings. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You have learned, as so many others have, that we all have ways in which our lives could be better. These crises have given each of us as LBS's the opportunity to address these things and prepare to enjoy the fruit of that labor one day. You will do this Jeff. Fact is you already are.

Your encouragement and compassion to others on this board has helped smooth the road for so many people. People, as FIB noted, that you didn't even know personally. This speaks volumes about the quality of a man that you are.

I'm proud to call you a friend. And I'm proud of where you are and where you are headed. Life IS good and there is so much out there for each of us to embrace with enthusiasm.

Still hoping for that steak and beer one day.


Blessings,

Bill


"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Re: Moving Forward [Re: Bworl] #989732
03/27/07 12:18 AM
03/27/07 12:18 AM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,442
Surrey, UK
J
Jen_Jam Offline
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Jen_Jam  Offline
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,442
Surrey, UK
Originally Posted By: Bworl
Maybe the whole point of ministering to each other through this site like we do is to ensure that each of us use this critical time in our lives to prepare ourselves for the life that remains in front of us. I think we are all guilty from time to time of thinking that our marriage issues are the beginning, middle, and end of our existence as human beings. Nothing could be further from the truth.


Bill, VERY well said. \:\)


Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05
Seperated Sept/Oct 05
Oct 06 - H recomitted
July 11 - I am now a WAW.
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