I agree with Angelica but can understand your doubts about NC. It's hard but I find it even more difficult when I have actually seen W. It seems to knock me off course again. They need that space and giving them anything other than what they've asked for is only going to push them further away IMO. Have a good day.
I agree with Angelica but can understand your doubts about NC. It's hard but I find it even more difficult when I have actually seen W. It seems to knock me off course again. They need that space and giving them anything other than what they've asked for is only going to push them further away IMO. Have a good day.
Steelersfan - I think it is the overall length of the affair - and yes, some affairs do last longer than 2 years, clearly, but I think that your h is unusual in this. My h's OW was only 3 years younger than him [or me] and apparently looked older.
Another way of timing it is from the 'bomb' although some men start an affair after the bomb, others before, and some, at the time of the bomb. I'd quite like to find out more about that, as I think it may be significant, though am not sure how.
From what you have posted though, it does seem to me that your h is pretty conflicted about his r with the OW?? I mean it isn't all bluebirds and rainbows?
We are beginning to think something differently about this A.
I posted on my probation thread that the kids have noticed that since he moved out last June, he has been carrying big wads of money.
MY son thinks his dad is involved in something else that has to do with OW and others who live in that house.
H has to all of a sudden go to his office on weekends for a few hours each day. He never used to do that.
When my friend and I staked it out over a year ago, we noticed strange cars going in and out of the parking lot, some were the same cars.
YOur guess is as good as mine.
It could be an A and something else, hard to tell.
Getting back to what you said, no it is not all paradise over there. Really, how can you have an A and then come back and say I always loved you and go to bed with your wife, then go back there?
And normally, when an A is found out, most people break it off but not these mlc types.
My H is very stubborn as well.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Steelersfan - it has been written, many times, that they become teh exact opposite of what they were. Others have said [and I agree] they feel simultaneously that they aren't good enough, and that the world owes them more.
So some of them start doing some odd things. After all if a normally loving and faithful person has an affair, and justifies that to themselves, they can justify a lot of anything else that they want to do. . . .
Hi guys I'm back .....had my facial...mmmmm feel slightly better...
Thanks for all your posts...I received an e-mail from H just before I left for the facial, it said that he had spoken to S3's teacher at school this morning, told me what about, said S3 is being very difficult, and is having rage attacks...OH MY...what now....?? anyway, he then said he'd drop the kids off here on Sunday at 3.30pm and if I could go to the hockey match next Saturday with D8 as he was UNAVAILABLE........what is that ?? Urgh, I really feel like going over there and HITTING HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER !!! Just so that he'll wake up - PLEASE !!! I guess it's really hard not knowing what's going on with him.....it's hard to know it as well, please don't take me wrong, this just seems to be a no win situation at times...
I wrote back asking if he was picking them up Friday at 7pm and if he was ok from last Saturday, and that I didn't want to make him feel that I didn't care, but that he asked me to let him go, and that this was all hurting enough allready.
Maybe bad - NO NO - who knows....but it's out.
I guess Angelica is right, we should look at this as gardening, I've never been patient enough to garden, neither has H...but this does seem to be that a seed was planted LONG ago and now we'll have to wait and see what comes out...patience yes... I will try my best I really will. I just don't like the situation we're all in...sometimes it's just all so sad ....
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I spoke to H's brother earlier...he's right, I have way too much fear going on inside my head today....he said I am thinking of scenario's that he doens't even think to be possible...
COME ON - I was detaching really well, going on....
THE SUN IS OUT........I need to STOP this thinking about H and what he's doing or NOT./...need to go on with life !!!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
The things inside our heads are worse then the reality of the situation.
It is called anxiety.
Gardening.... In order to produce a bountiful harvest, you have to get rid of all of the weeds. Fertilize, water, plenty of sunshine and ...patience!!!
Hang in there, you will do fine.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
