Picking up a prostitute is certainly not the right thing to do - but I fail to see what that has to do with moving forward with one's life in a progressive and positive way. I also have not seen anyone espouse prostitution on this thread. Perhaps you are more intuitive than I, and can read between the lines where I cannot.
If you choose to hang on forever, that is certainly your choice. But to many of us, that seems to be more a form of martyrdom than anything else.
Of course, if nothing develops with your XW in the next few years, and you meet another very special person, you can always back out of what you've posted here by stating that "it must have been God's way". Especially if you meet her in church, right?
Not looking to pick a fight, Blair, just trying to make a point.
Like I said earlier, I'm not closed to reconciling with my XW. Nor am I closed to someone else coming into my life. Experience tells me this is the most realistic way to look at these things (I have been in other serious relationships in my life before I was married, and suffered other heartaches in my past). And I think that perhaps this is truly "God's way" - to accept the cards He has dealt, and be open to the opportunities He presents - "free will". Earthly life is a school for the soul, Blair. We are here to learn. And the only way to truly learn is by being receptive to new experiences - not by crawling into an "emotional cave" and hiding behind delusion.
It's your life. But if your XW remarries and never gives you a second glance, are you going to stubbornly hang on until age 75 just to prove a point? I think not. And nobody is going to consider you "weak" for moving positively forward with your life. C'mon, man.
If she marries it's adultery. If there is adultery I move on no questions asked. I find someone else knowing I followed the Bible's direction to save this marriage. I learn a lot from trying. Scripturally correct.
Not to engage in a running dialogue, but - not being familiar with your sitch, and all - you're divorced, right?
Seems like about 95% of the folks here had cheating spouses. Was yours one of those? Just curious - most of us here were victims of adultery before we even found this BB - before we were divorced - before we even knew anything was wrong. That's a pretty big-bottomed case of adultery by anyone's standards.
Are you sure your XW was not committing adultery before the bomb was dropped? Adulterers are pretty fanatic liars, you know. Even when caught red-handed. And we "left-behinds" are pretty gullible at the time.
Blair...was your wife ever unfaithful BEFORE the divorce? If so, that is also adultery, and is reason for divorce in God's eyes. I don't recall ever seeing your thread, so I don't know the specifics of your situation. I am also a Christian and have struggled long and hard with the decision of what to do. My H has committed adultery, more than once, and I have taken him back more than once. Don't know if I have it in me to take him back again. TC
Gang, I apoligize for some miscommunication. My wife, to my knowledge, has not had sex and did not before the divorce. I don't have a thread because I don't talk about myself much here as this is a public board. One think I don't do at all is criticize my troubled WAW. I don't blame her so much, I blame the corrupt "divorce machine" for influencing her. I usually don't get easily offended. I apologize for causing controversey. I even kept my cool with TSF's big debate. I fealt really invalidated by "the fat lady sings". I'm sure Doodle's Daddy was just trying to help me but let me explain why I over reacted. The Bible is very clear that divorce is only to be granted for adultery. It is also clear that one who has been divorced for reasons other than adultery becomes a "subject for adultery" Matthiew 5:32, see also Mark10:11-12. There is a bigger issue here and I have to get ready for work. The issue is what we call "universal soverignty". We believe mankind was granted 6,000 years to try to rule himself. God knew man would fail. Mankinds divorce courts are among his biggest failures and prove the need for God to take over. I saw Doodle's Daddy's remark as a direct attack, saying I should give up if the government says so. I'm sure he had no idea what he was telling me and I should have understood. I work so hard at this because I think God is right. I think many more of these marriages can be saved than we think and God is trying to tell us that. I believe the devil has a propaganda machine that influenced everyone and I want to help expose it to the light. I apologize for comparing any of this to prostitution; I was just very upset.
I have been divorced, and went through my own series of struggles getting to the point that I was "comfortable" with moving on with my life. For the person not wanting the divorce of course, it is much harder to get to that point in life. But I do understand it being tough to let go, especially where there are "mixed signals" from the person who let us go. And those signals can keep both people from moving on; sometimes it gives the right encouragement, and sometimes it is just to keep us hanging on. Unfortunately, we don't have crystal balls (oh I wish we did sometimes ) and I think the only thing to do in a situation with an ex is to put it on the back-burner, be good to our minds and bodies, friends, family...make a life for ourselves knowing that we will not depend on that other person for our sole happiness. The only mindset we can have is that whatever happens was meant to be. We cannot control what the other person does or what they choose to do with their lives, and to not live on somewhat of our own terms, especially after a divorce, is a waste of precious time. I personally think that for the most part (mostly because I have countless friends, family who have gone through this) people who separate, especially more than once, tend to lose something vital in their bond with their spouse. A divorce is quite serious, and the only way to successfully make it back is for both parties to be willing and able to completely have a full desire to overcome past problems so they are not repeated. I don't think the odds are great, but it is certainly not impossible. I also think that a good amount of time must pass to be able to become your own person before a reconcillation would work. Unfortunately, many ex's want back after their "plans" didn't quite work out - the very ones who wanted out suddenly want to come back, but for the wrong reasons. We know this NEVER works, and I have had many friends go through this. They really regretted going back because the same old problems were just that -- the same old problems. So the bottom line is both parties have to be extremely serious about regaining trust, respect, be committed 100% to each other for life if re-marriage is in the picture.
As popular or as unpopular as it may be, was, or will be -I tend to agree with you Blair.
IMHO the thoughts/reasonings that I could/would use to justify my "moving on" ARE just more of the same that precipitated/justified/enabled my walkaway's "escape" -IMHO IT is just propoganda rooted in the same dark pool as the "divorce machine/industry" you refer to...
Some people I know and even some on this BB have suggested I end the 'pain', face reality and move on... These arguments etc that some use to suggest I move on are exactly the arguments that were 'used' on my walkaway to convince her to move forward with the bomb and ensuing legal divorce... IT is all the same stuff
So what if it was her idea first, -yes, she struck the first blow -so what, IT is still what it is... Yes, because of that piece of paper I could legally do 'whatever' now... BUT I won't -that piece of paper whether it be a marriage certificate or divorce decree is really nothing, was nothing... In my case, the marriage certificate did not make the marriage or prevent the divorce and the divorce decree does not unmake the marriage or prevent reconciliation -we did, she did, I did, she does AND I do
SO, how does 'this' stuff end, how does it change? How does the tide turn? How does the 'divorce machine/industry' get derailed? In my case IT begins with ME.
I have thought about this personal question for quite awhile -in my case it is as simple as two wrongs do not make a right -I chose and continue to choose to stand for the marriage -IT is my choice...
NOW -what if this forum was renamed to "surviving the big piece of paper"? That is really all the legal D is and was to me...
As far as the emotional aspects, what strategies to employ and what the best advice is etc? -- There are really two schools of thought based in two choices: "stand" or "move on" (maybe a third called "I don't know")... What if this forum was divided into two forums "surviving the big D -moving on" AND "surviving the big D -continuing to DB"? I know which one I would be posting in AND what type of advice I hope would be offered regarding my goal(s)...
) and I think the only thing to do in a situation with an ex is to put it on the back-burner, be good to our minds and bodies, friends, family...make a life for ourselves knowing that we will not depend on that other person for our sole happiness. The only mindset we can have is that whatever happens was meant to be. We cannot control what the other person does or what they choose to do with their lives, and to not live on somewhat of our own terms, especially after a divorce, is a waste of precious time. I personally think that for the most part (mostly because I have countless friends, family who have gone through this) people who separate, especially more than once, tend to lose something vital in their bond with their spouse. A divorce is quite serious, and the only way to successfully make it back is for both parties to be willing and able to completely have a full desire to overcome past problems so they are not repeated. I don't think the odds are great, but it is certainly not impossible. I also think that a good amount of time must pass to be able to become your own person before a reconcillation would work. Unfortunately, many ex's want back after their "plans" didn't quite work out - the very ones who wanted out suddenly want to come back, but for the wrong reasons. We know this NEVER works, and I have had many friends go through this. They really regretted going back because the same old problems were just that -- the same old problems. So the bottom line is both parties have to be extremely serious about regaining trust, respect, be committed 100% to each other for life if re-marriage is in the picture. 
