BI, Hugs to you babe. You spilled your guts. H has definitely heard you, he just cannot answer you right now. He still loves you, he just doesn't quite love himself yet. I see this in the hair combing and the care taking. I think your e-mail was really sincere, probably more so than ever. H heard this loud and clear which is why he probably feels it necessary, more than ever, to talk to you via a counselor. He has so much to process and now that he knows that you understand his torture, he might be able to relax a little and let his guard down.
Again, be grateful for all of the little things coming your way. Push any negative thoughts out of your mind. Let go of the past, it is over and done with. There is NOTHING that you can do to change it. Make room in your heart for all of the goodness that your God has in store for you. Take Care, Mama
BI, Just checking to see how you are doing. MammaBears post (IMHO) is right on the mark. Just continue to be patient and let him take care pf his issues...He does love you...
Later, Ben
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
IS NOT that your husband is having an affair. That's repented of.
IS NOT that your husband is leaving you. He's at home. He ain't going nowhere.
IS NOT that your husband is punting his faith in Christ. He's a man of faith.
IS NOT that your husband is a moral relativist. He loves truth.
IS NOT that your husband is having a MLC. Doesn't look like mid-life issues.
Right now, it seems your main problem is your huband's deep depression. He doesn't see hope or grace for his own life.
Praise God! Jesus LOVES to wake up depressed people wih a blast of his love.
Maybe pray for those things. He needs encouragement, grace and hope. Believe me, it seems like your husband's heart is in the right place, but he's clinically, and perhaps, structually depressed.
Theo, you are so great. Thank you! It IS a horrible depression, and apparently Celexa is not for him, or not strong enough or something. He's been on it for several years but perhaps circumstances are too big for the drug. NOT too big for God, amen.
We argued this a.m. a bit, he accused me of 'blowing sunshine up' his hind end, with my thankful/grateful/it-could-be-worse attitude about stuff. Meh. Not really an argument, as in not taken personally and whatnot, just both of us frustrated and mad in general.
Anyway, I have to get ready for work BUT to make matters only MORE interesting:
Someone stole a stray checkbook (from the accident scene, we think) and wrote 2 checks for over $600 on the day of the wreck, completely ruining our finances. More fun news. Wheeee! BUT. Someone FOUND the checkbook in the Walmart parking lot, and mailed it back to us (bless them!) - it was a DUPLICATE checkbook, the crooks checks are right there for us to see and he wrote a driver's license number on the check that we HOPE is his real one (dumb crook news?). Because of where the accident/crime occurred, it is a Federal Offense, and H is out and about opening up a new checking acct, and filing police reports, etc.
Needless to say, he's all end-of-the-world, what-else about it, and I am all wow-how-great-is-that-somebody-sent-us-the-checks-and-we-might-ID-the-criminal/s! We are not on the same page of the Gratitude Journal anymore, eh?
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
"Hun, I just happen to feel optimistic and grateful because God saved our lives. I am fully aware that our financial situation is pretty tight, but I think that a positive and creative mental attitude might be more helpful to us right now. At least that were I want to live. I'm in this with you."
"Hunnnnnn. I know you are soooooo stressssed by finances. You seem soooo tense. Mmmmmmmmmm.....Maybe I can help you relieve a little of that pent up stress baby. Can I help you release some of your anxiety? Mmmmmmmm." Then play that 70's porn movie music: boom, chaka, boom, boom.
Sorry I've not been around much, my friends. Having some nerve damage to the right arm/hand, and typing much has been a stress. Although I have lurked a tad.
Just now went to peek at my blog visitors, and 2 days ago, my H went to the site and left this comment on the car accident entry:
I have looked at these photos again and again, and I continue to be amazed that the three most important people in my life walked away relatively unhurt from this. Praise God. My Wife was the hero as she kept a clear head in the midst of chaos.
And never mentioned it. What a sweet surprise to my heart. They are few and faaaaaaaaaaaaar between, but when they happen I have a physical reaction to them. My heart just relaxes for a bit. So nice. Had to share with you.
H is having lunch with our pastor today, and going to C with me tomorrow. Should be an interesting week. I'll keep you posted
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Good heavens. It's been too difficult for me to post on my own thread this week. Don't know why. Having a tough time mentally. H came to bed after 4am for the 2nd night in a row today and we ended up arguing (and me beating him with a pillow in frustration. good times.) ugh. I feel neglected, he feels attacked. blah blah. same sh!t, different day.
Going to C in about 10 minutes. All day yesterday, I kept thinking, Just hold it in until you get to C and process it there. Um...not such a successful plan. Ack. So discouraged. I am coming undone in the M area. I'll climb back up shortly I'm sure. I am Pendulum Girl, watch me swing. ugh.
Anyway, just posted this on another thread and realized the hijack-ness of it. Should be over here instead.
Quote:
Quote:
In all my single years, I NEVER considered an affair with a married woman. I was propositioned by a few unhappy ones back then, but never let myself be seduced by one. I can't imagine the lack of integrity, morals, and self-respect it would take to resort to that. Would you personally consider a relationship with a married W?
Well, I failed that test many years ago pre-M. Just started posting that story on my blog, oddly enough, and here you guys are talking about it. I was young and stupid, but still. Just trying to purge my past sins and figure out my common denominator.
If we were picking who would win the Integrity Battle in my M, it would have been H by a mile. I have a sorely checkered past. Actually, now that I remember it, I confessed it to my H not too long after we were M and he was horrified at me (in a Who Are You? I Don't Even Know You kind of way). Plus he knew the couple involved. Oh, the irony.
Geez, sorry for the hijack Will stick this on my own neglected thread!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Will stick this on my own neglected thread!