Yes I do mean it literally. If I don't leave him a meal or at least arrange for the kids to get take out he will say something like "The only way I can deal with my s*cky job is knowing that at least there will be a hot meal at home.".
So let him say it. Big frickin deal.
"Arrange for the kids to get take-out..."??????
Can he not pick up the phone and call the pizza place or stop at a drive-through on the way home?
Let me get this straight... You want to work more to earn more money, you do most of the house work, all the yard work, cook dinner, and all this for the unbeleivable price of humping your brains our every few days? Have I got that right? Well all I have to say is.... will you marry me!!! Please!!!
I am expected to earn a full time living and nobody ever makes a meal for me. Also I do all the housework except for my H's laundry (because I don't fold right) Get mine in the right room and I am happy.
Mojo, your H income goes for something, right? Like bills?
I am not saying he isn't overly picky :major eye rool: but things sure have changed since I was 40ish. SAHM's (no income from the W)and dad's doing all of the house and outside maintenance, yardwork, and taking care of the cars.
I might have room for one more retired W if you know of anyone No loud burping or major gass passing in bed. And no complaining about my cooking. It is plain at times.
Just kidding Mojo. I'm not serious, just couldn't resist getting in the line Cobra started.
On a serious note, are bills/debt/expenses a big issue in your household? I know people want more and things cost more than 20 years ago.
Trust me, I know that I have problems with setting boundaries. Why do you think I've been hanging out here for 3 fricking years? However, I am doing better and I guess my goal is to do even better than I am rather than just popping out of this marriage with frustration. My current escape fantasy is that I just buy myself a little grandma cottage on some land where I can plant an orchard and ground myself domestically and just stay the f*ck away from men because I clearly can't handle them. If I don't let my own little joy juice pump work, I am depressed because it kills my life force along with my sex drive. If I do let my little joy juice pump work I can put some of the energy into things like learning how to make pickles or taking long hikes or designing/digging a catfish pond but if I think about my body at all I will want sex.
If not feeling that little pump of joy juice is what it is like to be a "normal" woman than I don't want to be a "normal" woman.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Let me get this straight... You want to work more to earn more money, you do most of the house work, all the yard work, cook dinner, and all this for the unbeleivable price of humping your brains our every few days? Have I got that right? Well all I have to say is.... will you marry me!!! Please!!!
Here are the exact terms of the contract:
Financial/Housework: I will contribute 40% of the current U.S median household income to the general household fund. In addition I will do all of the housework at the level dictated by FlyLady.com.. (Kitchen sink empty and shiny at all times,homemade dinner 6 nights a week, house tidied daily, load of laundry done daily, weekly general cleaning, shopping,etc.etc.) Any funds that I earn beyond that level will be mine to spend on my own lifestyle choices which may or may not benefit you. (For example I may choose to buy matching leather chairs for the den or I may choose to take a solo trip to tour the gardens of England). Any boring type maintenance yard work such as mowing or shoveling will be your responsibility to do or pay for out of your own funds. I will maintain the garden. Household repairs will be divided on a 50/50 basis with each of us either contributing cash or labor or both to the endeavor (I do not do any work that involves being more than 5 ft. off the ground.).
Children/Pets/Extended Family/Friends:
You have yours and I have mine in terms of finances. I would expect mine to be treated with respect and appropriate affection and would do the same for yours. I would expect to be supported 50% in any mutual endeavor such as throwing a 4th of July party for the gang or buying Xmas presents for the grandchildren.
Companionship:
Once a week we will have a date night. We will switch off choosing the activity (Be aware that I enjoy musical theater.). Whoever picks the activity will pay for the activity (Be aware that I am cheap). In addition we will take at least one vacation together each year which we will switch off on choosing (Once again the picker will pay. Expect to spend time in hostels eating cheap native grub or in a tent in a national park on the years I am paying).
Sex/Sexiness:
We will have sex 3x a week unless one of us is unavailable for the same sort of reason that would excuse a child from attending school such as death in the family or vomiting. One time will be your pick in terms of when, style, fantasy, what I wear etc. One time will be mine. The third time will be a mutually agreed upon standard or favorite. In terms of sexiness I will maintain my weight below the top level of the healthy range as dictated by the Surgeon General (that is the best I can guarantee but I might do better)and spend at least 3.5 hours a week working out. In addition I will spend 2 hours a week worth of my time and/or income improving my appearance in other ways such as getting my hair done, putting on fresh makeup before you arrive home, browsing the Victoria's Secret Catalogue etc. What I will expect from you is maintenance of arm musculature, general hygiene, maintenance of general physical fitness to the extent to have a certain amount of "throwdown" strength and endurance and a generally manly presence and a willingness to see your physician for a prescription of Viagra if necessary.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
That joy juice pump is an essential part of you and yours to keep and treasure. The problem is not that you have a JJP, it's that you activate it to full blast in response to negative crap from your H.
One point of clarification – do excuses absences from sex due to illness or throwing up require a note from my doctor? Regarding Viagra – I don’t need no stinkin’ Viagra! For the rest of the contract terms – ACCEPTED! and… << lip trembling, tears welling up>> I love ya baby!
…. thinking…. thinking… you know, you spit that list out pretty quick, have you already printed up a stack of ready to sign contracts? ….Hmmm, you haven’t given this a lot of thought, have you? Are you sure this isn’t one of those “top me being the top” sort of tests?
One point of clarification – do excuses absences from sex due to illness or throwing up require a note from my doctor? Regarding Viagra – I don’t need no stinkin’ Viagra! For the rest of the contract terms – ACCEPTED! and… << lip trembling, tears welling up>> I love ya baby!
I'm a reasonable woman, notes will not be needed. I will even make you chicken soup in lieu of sex on those occasions. It's funny but true that if you simply list all the straight-forward things that you want that you sense that you naturally would feel the appropriate emotion if you were with someone who gave you those things. I might not be "in love" with a man who met the terms of my contract but I would sure as hell love him.
Quote:
. thinking…. thinking… you know, you spit that list out pretty quick, have you already printed up a stack of ready to sign contracts? ….Hmmm, you haven’t given this a lot of thought, have you? Are you sure this isn’t one of those “top me being the top” sort of tests?
I think that I have given it a lot of semi-conscious thought. Kind of like when you think about a math problem on and off for awhile and suddenly the answer comes to you out of nowhere but not really nowhere. How would this be a "top me being the top" test?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
