And I remember "begging the question" was one of the logical fallacies, like "ad hominem," and "post hoc ergo propter hoc."
Yep, that's the original context of the phrase. It's when you evade answering the question, like "begging off the question." If you're asked if you stole the peanut butter and you reply, "But I don't even *like* peanut butter!", you've begged the question.
It's mostly used now in a manner like: led to the obvious question. "The coach remarked that Smith was his best player that night, which begged the question, why wasn't Smith playing in the final minutes of the game?"
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
See if I'm getting it: the correct use is "avoiding the question," as you said, "begging OFF the question."
Also, in spite of what it sounds like, "begging the question" doesn't necessarily involve an actual question, right? Like in parliamentary procedure, you say "call the question," which isn't about inquiry-- it means put an end to debate and settle the issue. So begging the question really means evading the issue?
The incorrect usage is sort of like "skipped investigation of the question and went right to a likely/obvious conclusion."
I know you prefer the Burgbudepedia, but Wikipedia has a good explanation of "begs the question", too. Including the fact that it has two, somewhat related meanings: a circular form of reasoning, and "avoiding the question." Read more about it here.
And, back to bring up the IWTMLWYOAW issue, I can already see that this is my Everest. The fact that I climbed it a few days ago doesn't make it easier to climb it today. At least not yet. For example, during our usual nightly TV coma, (Monday night: "What About Brian?"), there were several opportunities presented where characters were getting busy with each other. Although Little Lil was on my shoulder, positively screaming in my ear, "do it NOW, you big chicken. Bawk bawk bawk!" I let it pass.
It's my familiar conundrum. Presented with a peaceful moment, why stir the sh!t? "Peaceful" is almost an understatement. She's been positively friendly lately. Is it a result of last week's IWTMLWYOAW? Or is it just where we are right now? Do I wait for it to get a bit nasty before bringing it up again, or is that just being reactive to her mood? Are these periods of calm necessary for her to get to a point of trust/love/affection? Or are they just periods of calm? Or, somewhat horrible to think about, are they calmness, calculated to pacify me when she knows I'm wanting to push my issues? I actually don't think that's what it is, but the fact that it comes to mind is pretty awful.
I am going to a pancake breakfast with her and DD5 in about 10 minutes, at DD5's school. I have to get ready.
I only say this because I can 100% relate to your thoughts, but you are still "owning her feelings." Listen to yourself ...
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why stir the sh!t?
Although it may in fact stir her sh!t, you don't know that.
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She's been positively friendly lately. Is it a result of last week's IWTMLWYOAW? Or is it just where we are right now?
You are assuming things about her feelings, trying to figure out her mood.
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Do I wait for it to get a bit nasty before bringing it up again, or is that just being reactive to her mood?
Yes.
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Are these periods of calm necessary for her to get to a point of trust/love/affection? Or are they just periods of calm?
Again, trying to figure out her mood.
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Or, somewhat horrible to think about, are they calmness, calculated to pacify me when she knows I'm wanting to push my issues?
And again ...
Remember, the whole point of this is not about what she wants, it is about what you want. I know you have history, that what you think she is thinking may be correct. But it is time to forget about the history and move forward. You don't particularly like that history (or at least parts of it), so why hang on to it. Dump it, do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Be a little bit selfish, take what is your due.
JMHO ... and note that I don't take my own advice
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I am curious how did your Valentine's evening out go?
I am thinking a perfect opportunity to say this to her again is when you initiate sex. If you get rejected then what perfect opportunity to say it. Otherwise these are just words to her that you uttered one time. They don't mean anything. They get easily dismissed. When you persist it shows the other person this matters to you.
Hairdog, Your last post reminded me of something. There was a point in my LDness that I felt guilty about the lack of sex, and I became nicer in other areas as a way of making up for it. I wanted to generate good feelings bc I felt bad about the issue inside.
Looking back, I have to say that was a step forward in my growth process, having the awareness that I should feel sexual. I just wanted my H to love me for who I was.
My opinion is a little different from what's been suggested here ( to keep hitting her over the head with the IWTMLOAW). I feel you should stay on message ( ohterwise you are perpetuating the illusion that everything is fine), but I feel you should simultaneously reassure her of your love for her, but that this is truly a need. A need that she doesn't get or understand, but a need nonetheless.
My H did not push the issue; perhaps he sensed I was too sensitive over the whole thing and he wouldn't get anywhere. Years later I do believe he had at least an EA at work. Don't let this be you.
TTHO- Our Valentine's Evening out was very nice. Dinner and the symphony. Then, back home to a houseful of kids, she went to bed, I stayed up.
Chrom -yeah, I'm good at doling out great advice, but not taking my own, also. I've got to hammer into my head that it's okay to WANT, and to let her know about it.
NJ- I appreciate your stance on this. The strange thing is, she probably does see my statement as a rebuke to her qualities as a wife, and therefore, unloving.
The strange thing is, she probably does see my statement as a rebuke to her qualities as a wife, and therefore, unloving.
There you go again. I know you are in your mind just "analyzing" the situation, but can you see how at every turn you are anticipating what she is thinking and feeling?
If she feels that way, let her say it out loud, then deal with it. The sheer illogical-ness (is that a word, tired this morning) of her saying "your desire for sex is a rebuke to my qualities as a W" will speak for itself.
JMHO
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Little Lil was on my shoulder, positively screaming in my ear, "do it NOW, you big chicken. Bawk bawk bawk!"
I would never never never in a million years say those ugly things to you or anyone! Those are YOUR voices, honey. I understand that this is difficult for you. I don't ever talk to someone like that who is struggling.
And you're right: this is YOUR Everest. It's really more about you than her.
Journey, I'm not suggesting that he "hit her over the head" with this... you know me better than that (because I'm so much like you). I'm suggesting that IF he wants sex, he gently mention it over and over to get past HIS resistance to asking for what he wants.
And YES, hairgod (for you are like a god to me), DON'T READ HER MIND.
HD, another thought... if you're so resistant to asking... do you REALLY want sex with her all that much? Search your soul on this one. Maybe doing without and complaining about it is more comfortable to you than risking the ask?
I know asking isn't necessarily going to get you sex, but it is taking an emotional risk to expose your want that way. Maybe that's just more than you want to do right now. Be honest with yourself. This is where the rubber(s) meet the road.
