More mixed signals. Good ones today. Sharing of info that W might not have shared if she was full alien. The ride continues. What have I done differently today, NOTHING. Perhaps she just needs to own her own problems.
Phoenix, don't get on that rollercoaster. Stand on the side and let her take her own ride. You can't push the stop button any better than you can control the start button. As you said, let her own her own problems.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Thinking of you, Phoenix! I got your email, and answered it, but then my computer shut down and I lost it. Ugh! I will send another reply. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and the children.
Hope the weekend turns out better than expected, and more than you hoped, but if not, then know you will be okay! Keep listening to that small, still voice.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
We'll the weekend went pretty good. W seems to be fairly even keel and upbeat. The problem is I'm not quite sure what I am facing. Is it a change of heart, or just a front till "the hammer comes down". I'm hoping that there really has been a "re-think" of what she wants and we are on a uphill path. I feel that I have a better handle on my work sitch than my M. As much as things might seem to have improved, I don't know how much I can believe how things appear and the fear still stands strong. Luckily I think that it doesn't show, however I don't know how to really move back closer to W until she shows a first step.
This may sound odd but I do believe we can do this, however a C might have to get involved so that we can get better at communicating our feeling in regards to R. As much as I have tried to talk about it in the past, W has really not wanted to do so. The big hurdle I think is that perhaps she would rather "cut bait" than deal with the issues. Which as much as that might be an easy fix, I really don't want that to happen. There are still too many things I "like/love" about W that I would really feal a sense of missing and failure if they were to leave my life.
There is a bridge or stepping stone here that I need to find, but I just don't see it yet. I'm not the type to walk away, if nothing else, persistent to a fault. I told W when we got engaged that she was stuck with me for the rest of our lives and longer, some how I don't think she thought I meant it as much as I did. We'll I guess she knows better now.
Sorry about the rant, but I had to get some things out.
Phoenix, I feel a lot of what you wrote. It very well could LOOK like it is easier to cut bait than to deal with issues. So how do you change that look? In everyday life around your house, how much do you always do? do you shovel snow, mow lawn, gas up the cars, get the oil changed, take care of fixing the windows in the house, get the furnace checked, take care of kids while she's at work, and then be the gentleman and open the car door for W? Just a thought - how can you show her that life without YOU will not be easier than dealing with issues.
Persistent to a fault. IMO that's not a bad fault. Just don't let persistance be pesty.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
The problem is I do all those things and alot of people recognize and appreciate that about me, however, the one person who's opinion counts doesn't seem to appreciate or care (most of the time). I am just getting very tired of being superman, but treated like not good enough. When I have asked what she needs and what is wrong, the answer (times past) has been, it's not you, it's me. What do you do about that.
(W) Not willing to communicate, not willing to change, not willing to deal with the issue, not willing to put the fault where it should be placed. I use to like making a big deal out of V-day. But right now I don't know if it would be a plus or minus if I did anything. Can't seem to catch a break. I don't want to stay in limbo forever, I've seen others in this path.
Well, then quit being superman! Are you doing all those things to win love? to get her attention? What I am saying is you do all those things and I bet she doesn't even realize what you are doing. So, stop doing it. Let her start doing for herself, let her take care of her vehicle maintenance, let her make the budget and pay her bills, don't save her from herself. Let her miss you. Is that a 180?
How did it help last year to make 2/14 special? Treat yourself, the kids, the dog (do you have a dog?) Believe me, I know how hard it is and how much it hurts to ignore and be ignored on Valentines Day, wedding anniversaries, even Christmas. But if what you've done in the past hasn't worked then it's time to change what you do in the future. You know what I do for ME now on VD? I take my mom for lunch. I still share my love with someone special in my life.
You seem stifled right now, focusing too much on W. Look in the mirror, focus on the guy you see there.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Focus and balance, all seems to be the challenge to this whole thing. I guess I have always been the type of person who shows love through service (amoung other ways), so to just stop that would seem very out of nature and taken as a bad sign. I don't want to give the appearance that things are back pedaling. For now I will continue to work on focus and balance.
