It's not that I really call him to fuss, it is during times he calls me and asks me how I feel about something and I tell him the truth about it and I say Im sorry, that's just the way I feel and he always says, "I understand". Like yesterday he new I had went to the doctor for something and I hadn't yet told him why, He called and made it seem like he wanted to know about the kids and how they were doing. He never does that. I asked him was that all he wanted, He said, "kinda sorta not really" (his favorite saying by the way) I should have left it alone, but I said what do you mean not really, He asked what I went to doctor for. I told him I didn't want to talk about it. But he kept pressuring me to tell him. He was genuinely concerned about me I know. He asked why couldn't I tell him. I said, because you are not there for me to talk to anymore about things that go on in my life. I hurt me to say that, and he says, "I understand". I said, but you don't understand, I Can't talk to you about things anymore. He seemed so concerned. I know he still cares about me and it hurts that he only wants to be friends through this. But I will try to be a good friend to me so when this other woman hurts him , maybe he will come to me for comfort. I don't know. I don't really call and fuss at him, I should have worded that different. Now I need to bring up the subject about when our children visit everyother weekend I don't want OW there at his apartment. This is visitation time for him with his kids, Not for her to visit with his kids. How do I bring that up without conflict and pushing him away. It's only for the best interest for our children. They are only 6 and 10.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Okay, My WAH has me so confused. He calls me this morning and says "Morning" ok, then he asks if I called to see about the child support payment and when I should receive it. We talked about that a min. and then I asked how he was doing. He said "good". Then we talked a while about his work and stuff, then somehow we got off on the subject of the other woman and how I would appreciate it if she weren't around kids when he had them. He understood and agreed to a point. He said that if he continues dating her in the future he would like us to sit down and talk and be friends. I said "i don't think so" I told him I never really liked her and that I was being honest and I did not want him to get hurt by her. I was being his friend by saying that. We continued talking about our R. We talked about 20 min. he even asked if I had been going out on weekends and going to clubs and places. I know he didn't really want to know if I meet anyone, he just wanted to know if I had loosened up any. That seems to be his problem with me. He could never go out and have fun with me. But honestly he never tried much. His favorite past time seemed to be watching tv. I did tell him that I thought him trying to build our house was a way for him to find happiness. He said I was partially right. He said he thought if he could make me happy, I would make him happy. But when I dare tell him I miss him, he says he only misses the kids and not me, but after we talked and said good bye, about 30 min. later he texted me to say, He will always listen, and then text me to say that I couldn't have a nicer cell phone than him, we had talked about me earlier getting a new cell phone and he couldn't untill Aug. I know he was joking with me, but I feel so lost about things when he plays with me like this. We then texted a half dozen more times about silly stuff. Playing around. He did tell me in conversation earlier today that he had been thinking about what if he did come back, and that he didn't want it to seem that he was just brushing it all aside. I am just afraid that the longer he dates this other woman that he will get closer and attached to her and won't think any more about me.What can I do? He seems to be telling me what he wants to see in me, or what changes. I.... Help! PLease! Need Advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Check out this website: http://www.rejoiceministries.org/. It is full of inspiration and restored marriage testimonies. It will make you feel better. So many of us have gone through what you are now. There is hope for a brighter tomorrow. Just hang in there and give it to God!!
God Bless, havefaith
GOD HEALS HURTING MARRIAGESwww.rejoiceministries.org
Check out this website: http://www.rejoiceministries.org/. It is full of inspiration and restored marriage testimonies. It will make you feel better. So many of us have gone through what you are now. There is hope for a brighter tomorrow. Just hang in there and give it to God!!
God Bless, havefaith
This is the best advice that you can get right now. That is a wonderful website and they have daily devotions that you can subscribe to. I might suggest that you do that. When you seem at your lowest, the words tend to pick you right back up.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
it doesn't feel like it but these are good signs. Telling him he isn't there for you is TRUE and if said politely simply forces him to face the situation he has created...I got that from a DB coach so nobody jump on me!!!
the calmer you stay the better you look. Do you think OW wants to share him? no, she'll run her mouth off eventually and won't you look good? Meanwhile don't demonize her, simply explain that this is an ADULT issue and it's not time to expose children to it yet...also DB coach quote...Don't do anything to put her down or he will feel the need to defend her "honor" (as though she had any!) Be neutral about her but pointed about your children and not causing a situation that could be really confusing for them in the long run! Good luck baby! Any time you hear "if I came back..." it means he's thinking about it. Listen to figure out what he's really thinking...then try to respond to that...it's not always his words ie: you said he was joking around therefore you joke too.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
I normally post on the MLC board, my husband is only 32. We have been seperated for 5 months now, and in the beginning it was so dificult. I could not stop myself from ananlysing everything he did. In the first few weeks i spent majority of the time crying because i knew that he was with OW. I also asked my husband not to bring my daughter around the OW and he said he would'nt, but of course i found out that he did. The reason i am telling you this is so you can prepare yourself for it. Your husband may not, he may respect the fact that it is too soon to be introducing OW to the children. I ended up telling my husband that he could have D2 in OW company because i got so sick of wondering whether he was doing it, and to be honest it does not bother me now. OW has chose a married man with a child, and so she needs to see what it really means to be with a man with baggage (if you know what i mean.).
As time as gone on i no longer obsess about husband being with OW, she is not worht my thought. I was giving her too much power by me thinking about her all the time. Now i just see it as, the more time they spend together the sooner thier relationship will die a natural death. My husband moved in with her a couple of weeks ago, and at the moment i am trying to look at that as a positve thing, because now they will get a real taste of reality, instead of living in fantasy land. They do say that most affairs do not last, so the more time they spend together the better.
Just make sure that you and the children are taken care of finacially as sometimes these men can spend a great deal. Make sure that you start getting a life (GAL) for you, dont tell your husband your every move, create some mystery. Let him wonder what is going on in your life. Make sure that you are upbeat and happy when ever your husband is around. It is good to cry and let emotions out, just not in front of your husband.
I hope that you can use your time away from your husband as an opportunity to become independent and do things that you have dreamed of. Most of all take care if your children, because they really need you now.
One last thing, the OW is not anything special, these men usually affair down, so she will not be your equal in anyway. Soon enough your husband will come to realise this.
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Thanks guys! I don't know what is going on today, but H has texted me alot and he even said he had noticed that i had done something different with my hair! That seems to be a good sign. Because he never notices anything about me!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
These are all good signs, but take compliments from your husband but with zero expectations, that way you are not setting yourself up for a big fall. Like i said become mysterious, let your husband wonder. You could even get your husband to come round and babysit while you go out, be vague about where you are going, this will probably drive him nuts. Most important go out for yourself, be with friend who you can laugh with and let your hair down.
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
Cat, you said you took a hard look at yourself but sometimes I don't think that is always fair to the wounded party. In my situation, H was relying more and more on me financially. I paid the mortgage and more of the necessities because his business was in a slump. In addition, I did the housework, cooking and took care of the kids quite a bit. I enabled H in most ares of his life! I was losing myself soooo much that when I finally started asking for help he balked. He felt I did not support him. He was burying us into extreme debt and was going to jeopardize our entire future. The minute I changed, H found another sugar momma who eventually dumped him. The OW didn't want the burden either even though she is not better. Ironically, now that he is out on his own, he is making money and supporting himself. However, it is at such a great cost. He got to play and I worked. Now I want a partner. I agree you need to appreciate your husband but the reverse it also true. I think those that have affairs are extremely selfish and my H was extremely selfish.
ok, this may not be a good idea or thing that happened. My H and I talked alot by phone on Friday. He talked about our R and even told me about how he feels about OW. He said he has seen changes in him since he has been with her. He told me that she lights up the room when she walks in and when she touches the back of his neck he feels tingle all down his spine. BOY did this ever make me feel bad. I just listened to him and said I understand. But he did agree with me when I said at the point when he left I think any woman could have made him feel that way but me. The thing is I came right out and told him that I needed sex! He was in shock because that was a 180 for me. That was something I would never say to him. and he told me that. So then of course I got into detail over what I had been missing. I can't believe I did it but I did. After talking for 30 minutes, he said I have to go and I will call you right back. He called back and said, look two things, If you really want to have sex I will and ....I don't remember what the other thing was. I was just so shock that he wanted to especially after what he said about OW. He texted me later and it said....You would really have sex with me knowing that i have possible had sex with another woman and possibly not tell that I cheated on another woman? Would you use it against me? I of course said I wouldn't use it against him.(but i could if i wanted too!) Well Friday nite I said that I was going out. I did and I had a few to many and called him to come and get me. He asked did i want him to take me home. I said no. We went to his apartment and Had wonderful sex. OK. We agreed only if there were no strings attached. During sex he said NO strings right? I said NO strings and continued. Earlier I had asked him why he wanted to have sex with me and he said he didn't know why. Especially since he can get it from OW. Now I feel like we are sneaking around. He doesn't want anyone to know. We both talked about it being exciting. Its like I am the other woman having an affair. with a married man. who i am married to. Trust me I am being careful. But me going out to bar and asking him for sex is a 180 for me. I TM him the next day to see if he was ok about the nite before. I thought he might would regret it. But he said he was ok. and he said he might go out with me and friends next time. He also asked me if I thought he was a bad person for doing it. Meaning cheating on girlfriend. What can i say. He is my husband. I don't really care if OW gets hurt. He is still seeing her, but i hope with time he notices my 180's and wants to come back. Please don't critize me too bad. Is this a bad thing I am doing?
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
