Hi Laura, Sounds like you are doing better after talking to DB coach.
Quote: My hope is that my H will miss that I did not contact him on his birthday (2/6), which essentially will show him that I did listen to his wishes and not contact him anymore. Also, he will have plenty of time w/ OW and can't blame me for his confusion if it is just the two of them.
This so great! In a time when we question every move we make and every word we speak to them, you can be sure that you just did what was requested of you by your H. He sure can't argue with that!!!
Hope you are having a good day today. Let me know how you're doing.
It was so nice for you to check-in w/ me. I haven't been as active lately b/c I've been trying to do things to keep me occupied (i.e. working out, etc.) and I've been praying like crazy! Prayer and exercise seem to be the only 2 things that can keep me positive and focused on better things. I used to say TV and movies would do that, but there always seems to be something that comes up that reminds me of something stressful, sad, or something I miss in regards to my R w/ H.
Even though I planned to go dark, I've had to contact my H twice since he told me not to contact him; it was regarding the mail that I've been getting regarding his car loan. Basically he had to reply quickly to the two letters to prevent from being charged for something he shouldn't have to be charged for. Ugh! In a way, I've tried to think of it as a positive b/c I was able to show H that I could be to the point, nice and then let him go (from the texting) and that I didn't try to continue the conversation after notifying him of the letters. He was nice and asked me how I was doing and I just replied, "good, keeping busy " and asked him as well and he said "good." That was it, but pleasant. I hope that he will calm down from his last phone conversation w/ me (at Christmas) that said that he was going to pursue a D as soon as he had the money. My hope is too that he reacted b/c he was feeling his own guilt and pressure. Now that I'm not talking to him weekly, he can't really blame me for that, so he will have to look to something else, and hopefully he will begin to see how unreal his R is w/ OW.
I'll have to check out your threads on how you are doing and reply over there.
Hi Laura, I'm so glad that you have been away taking care of yourself. We all find comfort here sometimes, but I do think the ultimate GAL and PMA is to get off our butts and away from these boards and actually do something. Good for you!!!!
I definately need to get to a gym again. I went a lot when this all first started happening, then my gym closed down on me and I got lazy about finding another one. It made me feel so good...and look good too
Great to hear from you! I'll post on your thread too!
Yes, working out at the gym has been a huge boost to me! It greatly improves my self esteem and keeps my mind off of things that aren't too positive. I intend to get myself "in gear" b/c it's something that I've been saying that I would do for several years and now I'm gonna do it! Not that this is the main reason, but it will be something that I will be proud to show off to H (eventually) and to show him I mean business and stand behind the goals I make for myself!
Ugh! Why did I just do that??? I went and looked up my H's myspace page and saw how he was telling 22 yo OW "I love you..." blah...blah... It hurts to see that and I know just about everyone here can relate to that feeling. I promised myself that I would not go to that page, but I did it anyway. I guess for some reason I thought I would see that he was not with her anymore. It's just so hard to believe that he's telling this 22 yo immature girl that he loves her, when he has told me before (when he had talked about reconciling back in October 06) that she was really immature and "more trouble than she is worth" and "she is nothing like you" and that "you are thinking we are more than we are."
I was reading some of Hopefloat's latest thread postings where she was talking about H's likely depression and thinking it sounded so much like my situation. My H told me at Christmas (the day he also told me to move on b/c he was tired of the back and forth stuff and that he probably needed closure) that he couldn't handle a serious R with anyone and yet he is telling OW that he loves her. It's like watching high schoolers pass notes in class when you see that stuff on Myspace. I don't get it?! He talks about wanting to be a deep person and reads all of these books on that topic and yet he is picking his time to be w/ this "girl?" Doesn't that go against what he is trying to do? I feel like he has turned into this person that I no longer know anymore and that makes me more sad than anything.
I just needed to vent and to put this out there that I will not ever go back and look at his Myspace page again - it does not help and only hurts.
Any words of encouragement or anything at all would be great!
I've just spent the last hour reading through some of the wonderful posts here from Rollercoaster, Was2sad, Holly06, Snodderly, and countless others! I've been praying that God will send people to speak to me and for me to hear what I need to hear! This is an amazing place to come to receive confidence and hope when it is definitely lacking and I appreciate each and everyone of you! Thank you!
Oh no, not MySpace...it's evil. My C gave me the best advice about it. It is a place where they can continue their narcisist behavior by posting pics of themselves, comments that revolve around them and a whole biography about them. Why don't they just keep a journal book???? I'll tell you why...because they need the attention. My H never kept a journal before, then all of the sudden MySpace came along and it was cool to write a biograhy about himself, share pics of his band, pics of him as a kid. The most hilarious part was that even the comments he made to OW on her page were still revolved around him.
Quote: I went and looked up my H's myspace page and saw how he was telling 22 yo OW "I love you..." blah...blah...
Your H only does this to get a reaction out of OW. Think about it, would it mean anything to him if he didn't get some kind of attention out of it? Basically, it's not about any love he feels for OW, it's about the attention he gets back...that's it. That's what MySpace is all about.
So, the next time you have the urge to look, don't do it! It's just a place where they can feed their narcissistic cravings. You're not seeing a real person on MySpace, it's superficial. And while they may be feeling one way for that moment in time that they decide to make a comment or post a pic or change their profile, etc...it doesn't mean that is the way they are always feeling.
Quote: It is a place where they can continue their narcisist behavior by posting pics of themselves, comments that revolve around them and a whole biography about them. Why don't they just keep a journal book???? I'll tell you why...because they need the attention. My H never kept a journal before, then all of the sudden MySpace came along and it was cool to write a biograhy about himself, share pics of his band, pics of him as a kid.
Thanks so much for that perspective - I agree! It really is all about that sort of thing. It's interesting b/c I guess that is why it reminds me so much of teenagers, but when you are a teenager, that's normal - when you are 30, it's a big stretch! My H did keep a journal, but I guess this is something that OW (or should I say OG for "other girl! ) does, so why not H as well? It's amazing how they cannot see how they look, especially when this is the sort of thing that he used to make fun of or complain about when some of his friends were going through the same thing as H's sitch.
Quote: Quote:
I went and looked up my H's myspace page and saw how he was telling 22 yo OW "I love you..." blah...blah...
Your H only does this to get a reaction out of OW. Think about it, would it mean anything to him if he didn't get some kind of attention out of it? Basically, it's not about any love he feels for OW, it's about the attention he gets back...that's it. That's what MySpace is all about.
Yes, I see that now too. I think it's back to the whole teenager thing where you have to put that sort of thing out there for others to see to make some sort of statement about yourself - not sure if that makes sense, b/c I can barely make sense of it either. Ugh!
I am so much better today and I appreciate that you asked me about that! I've had enough of that dang MySpace crap and will not go there again! Twice was two times, too many! My feelings last night are a perfect example of how we often need time away from a really upsetting situation to give us more perspective. I think I was just so upset b/c it seems like he is such a stranger to me now, but I have to tell myself that I can't focus on that. I can only focus on myself and allow God to help my H w/ his own baggage. If we are supposed to be together, our past will speak for itself when OG shows her own true, immature colors. But my H, has to see that w/o any help from me.
I hope you are doing well? I'll have to visit your thread. Thanks again Unbroken for the insight!
I haven't been as active lately b/c I've been trying to do things to keep me occupied (i.e. working out, etc.) and I've been praying like crazy! Prayer and exercise seem to be the only 2 things that can keep me positive and focused on better things. I used to say TV and movies would do that, but there always seems to be something that comes up that reminds me of something stressful, sad, or something I miss in regards to my R w/ H. 
In a way, I've tried to think of it as a positive b/c I was able to show H that I could be to the point, nice and then let him go (from the texting) and that I didn't try to continue the conversation after notifying him of the letters. He was nice and asked me how I was doing and I just replied, "good, keeping busy 
I went and looked up my H's myspace page and saw how he was telling 22 yo OW "I love you..." blah...blah... It hurts to see that and I know just about everyone here can relate to that feeling. I promised myself that I would not go to that page, but I did it anyway. I guess for some reason I thought I would see that he was not with her anymore. It's just so hard to believe that he's telling this 22 yo immature girl that he loves her, when he has told me before (when he had talked about reconciling back in October 06) that she was really immature and "more trouble than she is worth" and "she is nothing like you" and that "you are thinking we are more than we are." 
I don't get it?! He talks about wanting to be a deep person and reads all of these books on that topic and yet he is picking his time to be w/ this "girl?" Doesn't that go against what he is trying to do? I feel like he has turned into this person that I no longer know anymore and that makes me more sad than anything. 
My H did keep a journal, but I guess this is something that OW (or should I say OG for "other girl! 
Ugh!