Quote: Wow, I'm impressed--you can do flips on the trampoline? I'd be scared to death I'd break my neck--so you get big brownie points for acting like a teenager.
I can almost do a flip. I get my legs under me, but I don't yet land on my feet, more like between my feet and my butt. Not long ago, though, I was landing pretty consistently on my neck and back, so it's an improvement. I got better with the hula hoop by practicing, so I figure that's what I need here, too.
As for acting like a teenager, that's not difficult.
Quote: We've got foxes in our hood and used to have coyotes until last year when the development nearby ran them out.
I've seen foxes myself. I only read that coyotes have been sighted in every MD county this year. I suppose if they were coming around here, I'd hear more complaints from the dogs and be missing cats.
Here's the piece from "Reaching Out" by Henri Nouwen that I mentioned on your thread, Michele. I was reading this on Sunday and thought first of the golf tournament, and then of my attempts to stay out of the "R of conflict" with XW.
Quote: In a world so pervaded with competition, even those who are close to each other, such as classmates, teammates, co-actors in a play, colleagues in work, can become infected by fear and hostility when they experience each other as a threat to their intellectual or professional safety...Sometimes institutions explicitly created to offer free time and free space to develop the most precious human potentials have become so dominated by hostile defensiveness that some of the best ideas and some of the most valuable feelings remain unexressed.
Tonight I realized that somewhere along the line I saw XW as a threat. Not professional or intellectual, but emotional or relational. (Eventually physical and financial, too.) Maybe it was before I disclosed to her, though she wasn't working toward a healthy, intimate R. I haven't been able to pin it down to beginning with any certain time or event. I suppose I seemed a threat to her, too, if not in MC, then certainly after I started my own T.
So we triggered defensive reactions in one another. Here's where I have to guard against self-righteousness, because in my view, as I became aware of these defenses in me and how destructive they were, I worked to dismantle them. XW, on the other hand, stepped up the intensity of her defenses, flaunting new As in my face, demanding D, etc.
IMHO, of course. But I do remember a time shortly before she left when I talked about taking down walls around me and that I felt she had a wall around her. She told me, "All the walls don't come down at the same time."
I'm not sure what all this means, except that I'm more aware of something that wasn't healthy in me. Earlier awareness on my part wouldn't necessarily have changed any of her actions. It might have precipitated the crisis even earlier. It's just another piece in the "puzzle of me" for right now.
As for any update, let's just say that traffic sucked this morning. I wished my officemates, "Happy Tuesday!" and offered my homegrown etymology, "It's called Tuesday for the two hour commute." That helped me calm down quite a bit, and I did get some useful work done today. We have a deadline in October that's just few weeks away now, so any stress reduction I can bring to the office is good.
My neck is recovering slowly. I'm still taking asprin two or three times a day, and I can feel the improvement day by day.
D11 got her school pictures yesterday. She was sitting with XW and S7 at the end of the driveway this morning when I was leaving. I didn't ask her about the pictures (I called the school and asked today), and no one offered them. I wonder whether XW will produce the entire package or will take the ones "she deserves" before passing them to me.
My nephew, who's named for me, had a son last week with his GF. My parents are great-granparents now, and youngest Joe is the latest to share our name, so that's pretty cool.
That's about it.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Joe - you may have had issues, and you may not have been as open to your wife early in the R as would have been ideal - but let's face it, your wife's issues have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. She had multiple, flagrant affairs, tried to keep your 6 year old from seeing you out of sheer spite, and is selfish and manipulative, not in a temporarily alien-infested way but in a "always was, always will be" way.
So don't waste time on figuring out how things might have been different. Spend your energy figuring out how to PICK better next time - I think you're already getting a pretty good grasp on how you can be better next time. Ellie
I so agree with Ellie, Glenda, and your T. As you see from looking at my thread recently, the great thing about posting here is you get such wonderful advice from people who have walked the walk and can look at our situations without emotional involvement. It's how we give great advice but sometimes have trouble following it ourselves. We are caught up in our own sitches in such a personal and emotional way. It's hard to look at it from the right perspective. That's why we learn so much here.
I need some rest too. Sleep well!!!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Sorry we didn't get more than a minute last night... you sounded awfully tired. (((((Joe)))))
Anyway, D12 and I were watching the news together this morning. The girl who was murdered was a varsity volleyball player with a twin brother. We were both really sad... I'm just wondering how that transient guy got in the school to begin with. Very sad.
Thanks for your caring call!
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: We are caught up in our own sitches in such a personal and emotional way. It's hard to look at it from the right perspective. That's why we learn so much here.
Ain't that the truth? If I could follow the kind of advice I've given people, here and elsewhere, I'd be doing much better overall.
Seeing examples of people who are doing things right helps. Sometimes knowing I'm not the only one who's made mistakes helps, too.
Betsey,
Quote: Sorry we didn't get more than a minute last night... you sounded awfully tired. (((((Joe)))))
I was tired. It had been a long day. Thanks for the cyber-hug.
I tried again to reach you last night. We'll catch up one of these days.
Gabe,
Quote: Your kids will profit greatly from your continuing to feed and express that inner child, Joe.
Well, if he keeps eating the way he has, I'm gonna need a new belt! Naw, I'll just burn it off on the trampoline!
Quick update, since I'm so late for work this morning.
Kitty took a serious turn for the worse. She was so listless this morning that I called the vet. I just got back without her from the appointment. I called D11 to let her know how sick her cat is in case she wanted to see her again. The vet doesn't think kitty's prognosis is good. (TSO, if you're reading, her temp is 91�F.) Maybe I wasn't descriptive enough about how much blood she lost. Then again, I don't know how much bleeding she did away from the house between the morning when she was bitten and the afternoon when the kids found her.
I hope she'll be ok.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Kitty didn't make it. I wasn't out of the subdivivion before the vet called. I called D11 again. I went to the vets' office and Puffer was gone for all intents and purposes before I got there. I'd had a feeling she wasn't going to come home when I left this morning, so I'm glad I "said goodbye" then.
Now I need to go earn some money today.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
That helped me calm down quite a bit, and I did get some useful work done today. We have a deadline in October that's just few weeks away now, so any stress reduction I can bring to the office is good.
Naw, I'll just burn it off on the trampoline!