Here's how Hurting Jim turned into Happy Jim ******************************************** On January 1st of this year, my W told me she wanted a D and that was final. She didn't want to discuss it or try to save our marriage she just wanted out. We lived together the whole time so she would have time to get a job and to get ready to be on her own. I started all of the wrong things like the crying and begging and etc. I had thoughts of her having OM which turned out not to be true. I went and found an apt and set everything up for me to move out. Through all of this we were still very good friends for the sake of our S. We got rid of our dog, we lost a foster child that we had, our S was devastated. I never pursued OW and my W never pursued OM. Well on the day I was going to pick up the key for my apt my W asked me if I would stay if she asked me to ( out of the blue with no warning or reasoin she asked me this). So I told her that if she was asking me to stay then I would stay. And that's where we are at right now. My W is happy again, she smiles again, we both are liking spending time with each other again, etc. We never actually made it to the D process but when it all started that all my W wanted. Now I know how weary and tired we all get from this whole ordeal, but I am here to tell you it is worth every second and ounce of the effort you put forth. One of the mandatory do's and dont's is to never give up no matter how dark it may seem. The brief description above didn't really paint a picture of how bad my situation was. It was bad and I was ready to give up and throw in the towel but I didn't. The last thing you want do no matter what anyone tells you, this includes friends or family or anyone else, is to give up.
It is still going great and my W and I are communicating again without the walls and fears that we have had for so long. It is truly amazing how quickly this all turned around for my W and myself. It was like one day out of the blue the ugliness of D was gone and we were free again. I was told by my W that the feelings she had for me that she had thought were gone forever were only buried beneath years of hurt and frustration. And now it is going to take some time for them to come back fuul force but she knows they are there. I just want to let everyone know that it is possible to save your marriages and it may come just out of the blue like with me or it may come slowly. There are a couple of things I would like to share with you all that I know contributed to my marriage being saved. 1) DB'ing.....Do it because it works. I never got to the LRT but I did do the 180. And it was the best 180 ever recorded. And you know what, I have never been happier with myself than I am right now. Doing the 180 allowed me to see what I had been doing so wrong for so long. It really opened my eyes. 2) PATIENCE.....This is something I have never had before and once I learned it I found out that is was really easy to have and to keep. 3) Come here and post very often.....I have been here to read posts and to post my own story probably 1,000 times. I became a voracious reader of these posts here. Learn from what people write here. 4) Read everything you can and don't force it on your spouse.....I left the books lying around the house and my W never picked one up other than to move it. I only asked her to read one book and fortunately it was one I never had to let her read ( it was on controlled separations). 5) Pray alot to God or whatever HP you believe in. It helps keep your faith up and gives you strength to keep going. 6) Go to advice for wise DB'ers and read everything there especially the mandatory do's and don'ts. They really helped me.
I know this is really long but I want to share with everyone who is still fighting the good fight that it is worth it and successes really do happen. This site has helped me tremendously and I thank the Lord everyday for listening to my prayers. Michele is an angel and I owe my world to her for helping me to save my marriage. Michele I know you have read this once and I hope you do again so you can see the happiness you have brought to me. Thank you very much. Please post this on the success board so everyone can see and get some hope from it. BY the way if you are ever going to be in Cincinnati, OH please e-mail me or post something here so I will know you are coming. I would love to treat you to dinner or something to repay you for helping me to save my marriage. Again thank you very much. Your book and this site played a very vital role in saving my marriage.
I wish all of you well and you are all in my prayers.