Advice/hope from a survivor

[Jamesjohn]

I am not a newcomer, but wanted to this story here because many here need hope.

My H and I have been back together for 3 months following a 9-month separation and full-blown affair. A few weeks ago, he and I were talking about the end of his affair (something we do not rehash very often). He brought it up. He told me that when he was thinking of ending it with the OW, she asked "what did I do wrong?". He said she was always very defensive. On the other hand, AND HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART, he said that I was always asking about how he was doing and expressing that I was worried about him. He said that it meant so much that through all he put me through, I cared and was concerned about him. THis helped him remember that he loved me.

And I thought he didn't notice. There is a lesson here. I didn't get to that non-judgemental place with him overnight, but when I did, it was real and he knew it. I didn't get there until I was able to let go. I was not playing a game or lying to him--I did care about him and what he was doing. I was finally able to see his side. Yes, he hurt me and broke our vows. But I had hurt him slowly through the years, and I had to come to terms with that. Hoepfully this realization will help us piece our marriage back together again.

It is a long road uphill for us, but I'm praying we'll make it, and I'm praying for all of you to. I am so thankful for the support I got here and that I never gave up. IF you believe it is right, don't give up, look inside yourself. Change yourself, and no matter what happens, you'll be a better person.

Hanging on