Quote: Sounds lame, but this is HUGE ya'll. I swear. Did H jump up and down and have a parade for me? No. b/c even if he noted the change to himself (which I have no idea), he needs to see this change longterm to feel 'safe' about it, I am sure. But I felt so at peace about the way I was (compared to the old me) tonight, I wanted to take out a full page ad in my paper! Look! I can change! I may bring it up at MC next week if the opportunity presents itself. If not, that's okay too.
Hey girl, so good to see you making such progress. And I'm throwing you a parade!! you deserve it !!
Hon, I so understand your happiness, we could've been twins in our former lives, I could also be a mega b*tch when H messed up and be on him 'til I truly felt he had what he deserved. SAME thing w/the tone of voice, I never really realized how awful I could sound and talk when upset, I did talked down to him, expecting him to say "yes dear".
Hon, you give me so much encouragement to also keep the good attitude for the LONG term, we can do this!
Quote: still waiting for H to be secretly longing to get out of the M, etc. It's an underlying fear (sometimes an underlying panic)
With H still not saying ILY (still ML) I also have this fear, that once the debt he incurred when he was away is paid he'll say ciao! and leave. Well, another little demon we need to slay, right?
I'm rooting for you gal, keep up the good work! I also pride myself on not going bonkers when H does stuff that drove up up the walls before and made me complain (leave his huge shoes on the dining area, his art materials every where, leave the bed undone 'til noon when he is the last one to get up, etc)
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
BI, I can't tell you how excited and actually encouraged I am to hear about your progress. After hearing you talk about how you used to parallel my wife (clearly now in the past) in the nasty behavior department, it's great to see how you've recognized and acted on the need to change. You know, my feeling about controlling, perfectionist behavior is that there's a real need to improve the self image of the person exhibitting these behaviors, and there's no doubt in my mind that you are doing so. The objective of the party is fun. Who can have fun when they someone is running around trying to make everything perfect and running other people down in the process? This is where the delicate balance has to be shifted away from form towards function.
The other part of this, the really big thing, is that you have decided that your feelings DON'T mean more to you than your committment to respecting your H and your life together. Clearly, if your H was at fault (which his attitude seems to confirm), you had every justification to be angry and to dredge up all sorts of memories that prove this pattern, etc. Instead, you let it go (and the fact that you aren't seething proves that you REALLY let it go) and accepted and forgave the offense. Big. Because really, you've given up the idea that this defines you. You've given up the idea that because something went wrong in your plan for the event, there's something wrong inside you that people will see. That's huge. In the past, I bet you would have really resented your H for exposing that flaw in you to the world. Now you accept what's happened and let it go, keeping your focus on what is important and what you can do in that moment to acheive your goals.
Oh yeah, and the tone of voice thing, I love it. It really does wonders when you think about your appearance and decide that you want to bring out a positive quality in yourself like that. You add that positive quality to the world you live in, actively loving it that way. Very nice. Go you!
Oh yeah, he noticed. He might not know what to make of it yet, but he noticed.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Oh, ya'll are too kind. I don't deserve such lavish praise, since I relapsed a smidge the next a.m. (sigh)
Muddle, I am constantly amazed at how dang insightful you are. Will you marry me? ha!
Quote: Instead, you let it go (and the fact that you aren't seething proves that you REALLY let it go) and accepted and forgave the offense. Big. Because really, you've given up the idea that this defines you. You've given up the idea that because something went wrong in your plan for the event, there's something wrong inside you that people will see. That's huge
Wow, that was really something. Accurate, and not anything I had put a finger on until you pointed it out. Thank you for that. If it's okay with you, I plan to post on my blog about that story and will use that insight.
Will update you guys soon, must work tonight and leave in a minute. Just wanted to check in and THANK YOU for the positive encouragement. I am held up continually by the support here, and thank GOD for you guys, and pray this board will not have us as members forever!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Please stop in and read H's Part 2 on my blog - he just 'turned it in' and I posted it. It's (I think) really good, although I told him it's difficult to read at the same time. Hard to explain.
Look forward to your opinions, as always (and feel free to post a comment to H!)
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
It all sounds so similar. It is good that he is writing this and getting it out in the open. Even though his affair was exposed, he is exposing it to his heart. This will help him, though it will hurt.
that's some blog you got there girl! it's so great he participates in this w/you, I'm sure it's helped you heal. My H opened up a little more even after he wanted me to promise I wouldn't bring up A again, more things that help me heal. He did tell me how he'd given all the outings and stuff he did in exchange for the A not to happen.
Take care hun
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
