And then don't you know your girls are going to grow up and be just like Mommy?
Is that okay with you?!
Look at yourself honestly right now Emily and tell me it's okay for your girls to be just like you when they grow up...
Is that what you want?
Because that's what you're going to get.
The real difference is that they will at least have ONE parent who loves them. One who never gave them up . . .I've already shuffled the deck in their favor. My sister (biological) has had 3 children . . . she kept 1. There must be something in the genes . . I don't know. That's not the point here though.
No I do not want them to have feel the things I feel now. I don't think I'm bad though . . I think I've done alright. If they could have my strength and perserverance (sp?) I would be OK if they turned out something like me. I would d@mn proud of anyone to eat as much $hit as any of us/you here on these boards take.
I just don't feel like standing anymore. . . not for him.
Quote: You are looking for the one thing one of us says to you that will justify (in your mind) you giving up on Kevin so you can start running the roads in search of his replacement which, by the way, will be a carbon copy of him.
Didn't I just say that I wasn't looking for a new R. You are probably right though . . . I will look for any trace in anyone I meet. But doesn't everyone have a type.
From talking with my X (boyfriend) . . . WHO I HAVE STAYED FRIENDS WITH SINCE WE BROKE UP . . us talking is NOTHING new. He is getting remarried and I am terribly happy for him. He and his new girlfriend are planning on coming up sometime . . so they can meet the kids and she and I can meet. Don't freak out about this . . I know you did before RB. Anyway . . . from talking to him . . I realized that he and my H sound A LOT alike . . . accents are different though . . but I always have to talk to them for a minute before I realize who exactly it is. WEIRD! They are totally different in personality . . . but their voices are eerie! Everyone looks for certain things in the people they are with right?
Quote: It's a simple process and a win-win situation. Let him go (that does not mean you stop "standing"). GET A LIFE. Work ON YOURSELF. I am TRYING. . . I need to shut the door before I'll feel truly able
If you do those things, you can't lose.
If he comes back and you live happily ever after, you've won. He WON'T If he doesn't, but you have grown and learned from the experience and dealt with your own demons, well you've STILL won. Why not start this process now . . instead of waiting for him make up his mind. I can do this . . I can work on myself . . . without him choosing whether or not our R is over.
Quote: But I'll be damned if you're gonna use MY words to justify being a coward.
I don't really understand how walking away now . . . after I've tried to wait . . I've tried to allow him back . . AFTER I HAVE TRIED . . how is that being a "coward"
Quote: Don't contact him at all. I can't anyway . . he changed his phone number He will contact you. I doubt it! Right now he knows you will call him or get in touch with him. He knows you are angry and he does a lot of this stuff to keep you that way. This is his way of controlling you. Don't let him do it. He knows you would take him back in a heart beat. Let him think you won't. I won't take him back. PERIOD If he calls, answer once in awhile and act as if nothing is wrong. If he calls I'm telling him to lose my d@mn number and I'll see him in court.
Quote: You have to ask yourself if your marriage is worth saving? Not any more Do you want to be with your H? No
Quote: The real difference is that they will at least have ONE parent who loves them. One who never gave them up
I agree Honey. I never had one parent who loved me and I grew up with my Mother. She was absent most of the time in her own world. I chose to be nothing like her and I know that with just a handful of love from her I would not have taken this long to become me and love myself. ..... Never ever stop loving your daughters or yourself. May the Queen and the Princesses reign in your home and go otu of your way to make them always feel loved ... Please ......and do not forget to pamper yourself too. I will catch up with your sitch later and add my two cents but I read this and head to respond. God Bless...
I'm finally standing up for myself and my girls. I figured you all would be proud, big deal that it means cutting him out. Who cares? He's not worth time you are absolutely right. AND the girls deserve better than anything he could ever give them. Honestly . . I know I'll get yelled at for this . . but rip me a new one if you'd like. I hope him not having the children he NEVER deserved anyway rips his damn heart out.
Please do what you need to do and know that I AM proud of you for being willing to do what you have done so far, even choosing to walk.
You're right.
Kevin does not deserve those children and it WILL rip his heart out one of these days.
I think there is a place, a line, where you could stand for your marriage and work on yourself while he's off pissin' in the wind not appreciating you OR your efforts....but perhaps you are right and you do need to let go completely.
Kevin is extremely dysfunctional and you tend to fall into the same behaviors when you are in contact with him.
I know there is so much more to you than that so I hate to see it.
Please do work on yourself & continue to grow through this difficult time.
You have so many issues and I know we all do, but you are so young it makes me feel like I want to look out for you sometimes - not that I can necessarily make a difference...I just really wish I could spare you.
Like with our children though, there's only so much we can do and so that's the point I have reached with you.
I don't know that I have helped at all but I do know there is nothing else I can do from here.
Keep my email and contact me any time you feel like it.
Quote: You have to ask yourself if your marriage is worth saving? Not anymore Do you want to be with your H? No
If you don't want to be with him or if your marriage isn't worth saving then why are you letting him get to you like you are? Please don't think of me as fussing with you or anything because I am not. I am just concerned for you.
Quote: I think there is a place, a line, where you could stand for your marriage and work on yourself while he's off pissin' in the wind not appreciating you OR your efforts....
He won't let me find that line. I am just a yo-yo to him, a toy. I don't think he really loves me anymore. I just think he likes that I sit and wait . . . I think he likes having two women. It makes him feel worthwhile and manly . . or SOMETHING. Makes me sick . . and it rips my heart out.
This marriage isn't worth my time anymore . . it's gone to far down the toilet. I guess I'll look around for that line Amy . . . See what I can see.
Right now I see closing that door to him as the only option . . otherwise he's just going to keep barging in and then slamming it back in my face . . . look what he's done so far. These past few times I've dropped contact . . . I stopped calling and let him go . . and he calls me crying and begging to come back . . so I say . . OK we'll work on that . . . and SLAM! right in the kisser. What's the point? You tell me (anyone) . . . is there one? What's the point of hoping against hope?
Quote: If you don't want to be with him or if your marriage isn't worth saving then why are you letting him get to you like you are?
Because I did LOVE him VERY much . . . I gave him my all. Even after everything I stuck around and tried to make it work. Hence I came here. Also because I feel like I've landed the worst jail sentence you can get. . I mean 19 years of uncomfortable contact with a person who I loved sooo much. 19 years of him being in my life through my children, I will always have to remember all of this because it will always being staring at me through their beautiful faces . . . and it's all because of him. These are the choices he has made . . I feel like I am left cleaning up his mess.
I am feeling much more calm tonight. Went to Wal-Mart and spent some money . . Doesn't that always help. I got the newer camera of Kiya and Felina developed! TOO CUTE!
I'm thinking more and more about that line Amy . . . maybe I'll find it. I'll go back through the advice you all have given. Sorry I am soo frustraighting . . . hoping to hear from you all soon!
