Good grief, I shoulda been more specific when I said I'd pray that she'd have a doc reccomend a t panel. I will change that prayer to one in which she goes to a GYN and that doc suggests the t panel.
You gotta be calm. Sage was detached fr me when I went into the medical loop. All said and done I am proud of me for learning to go past a fear (of doctors and needles and tests and other scary stuff) and learning how to do good health management. When she finally does this I bet that it will do her good to hear you say "you did good".
Sage hates the titles of Michele's books. The D word just doesn't give him that warm fuzzy feeling.
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Andy, I don't exactly feel isolated. I am in a growth phase and am having to face some truths about myself. Maybe you're refering to my post to Rachel. . .
I was trying to convey how emotional needy Lily would probably be broadcasting to men that she needed "rescuing blah blah blah". It is better-- and more goal-oriented--for me to isolate me from men who might also be needy and willingly compromise their beliefs. Geez! Sounds like Sage and that ow that stepped into my marriage LOL!
Actually doing better. Did you read my post on Glimpses? That wierd state I was in yesterday can be tracked to the time that Sage was engaged in a job conference. I swear the man was drawing my energy.
Thanks for the cyber hug; here's one right back at ya!
ANS-it is kinda easy to say never when you've seen the pain on this board, but in our pain it also makes us vulnerable. Vulnerability is where affairs breed (sometimes). Anyway, I'm sorry your feeling isolated-I know it all too well (sigh). Now if you were in a different place I could hear you saying all kinds of positive things about your W choices. Sounds like she is taking some kind of steps to get some help for herself therefore your R also. I know EXACTLY what you mean about it seems like she can talk to everyone but you. What is that all about????? I've talked to H several times about it. Maybe we're just to close, maybe not "safe enough" to talk to, or they just want someone else's opinion besides ours. Hope things brighten soon for you. I'm off to a therapy session-trying to fit in as many as possible seeing that I'm off work on Medical leave trying to get anxiety under contol-I'm changing the way I react to my feelings, but my feelings have not changed. I have to get them out from under whatever is causing the havok. LOL....Rachael M.
Yeah, Michele’s book titles sound pretty dour. All that divorce stuff when it’s really about how to handle your R. Divorce was never on my mind, and according to W, never on hers either (well, at least not seriously). I don’t blame her for balking at that.
Lily, I’m feeling pretty needy right now. Guess you better isolate yourself from me lol.
quote:Originally posted by Rachael M: I know EXACTLY what you mean about it seems like she can talk to everyone but you. What is that all about?????
Isn’t it the same thing that we do here on Michele’s BB?
Anyway, I think the reasons you stated are probably all true.
As for my sit, I’m feeling a lot of anxiety right now. Another thing that W mentioned this morning was that she’s starting to feel the symptoms of her burnout returning. She also said that things have got to change.
It’s all of this uncertainty that’s driving me nuts, and I’m sure the same goes for W. The things that we’re keeping “private” are seeding our own doubts and insecurities.
Sorry to hear such turmoil in your R. As always, I wish you the strength you need to survive and succeed. I have been reading but not posting because I have no idea what to say.
Ans. Can you have her write you a letter telling you what she feels needs to change? I mean she's pretty vague. I'm sure you know also things have got to change but do you know what needs to change for her? What about you? Letters are a good way of communicating if your W is willing. You can mull, and respond whenever. Might she be open to such an idea? I know it sounds trite, but it does not sound like communication is your forte right now, but youv'e got to connect at some level , somehow. Just an idea. I wish you luck-sounds like your in the dumps right now-a bad place to be. Remember, you've been there before, and things have brightened. Andy, what part is your depression playing in this? Think hard before you answer.We are blinded by depression to reality, and what is really going on around us-I mean its grim, but why is it grim? I know when I'm depressed I do alot of PROJECTING, and my H does not understand that so he percieves everything differently than me. Hang in there-are you taking your meds and enough? It really makes a difference-you know-you've been here before Andy. I'm really sorry things are hard for you now-I know you are the Master of looking at things from her perspective-can you at this point? DO you want to? I have no answers, I wish I did. This R thing is just too darn hard. Good luck, and know we are here for you! Rachael M.
I just got off the phone with W. I called her to tell her I'd be working late. I asked her how it was going and she siad, "Not good." I asked her if I could talk about it when I got home, and she said, "No." I told her I wanted to talk about what was bothering me, even if she didn't want to talk about what was bothering her. She said, "We'll see when you get home."
I'm very worried about her in view of the fact that she feels signs of her depression returning.
As to me, I'm taking care of myself. I feel strong right now. I don't think depression is hanging over me right now.
I try to be the master of looking at things from W's perspective, but I just can't figure things out right now.
That's why I want to talk. I want to explain that though I try, I just can't figure her perspective out. I want to tell her that if she chooses not to reveal her perspective, I'm OK with that, but it leaves things open to misinterpretation.
Maybe she's struggling with her privacy v.s. my right to know about things that affect me. I don't know.
All I know right now is that W is feeling down right now, and I'm at the centre of it.
So, to answer your question, Rachael. I don't think it's the time to write her a letter, or in fact to ask her what she wants from me.
I've been keeping up with you. Please ready my thread as to why I haven't been posting.
I hurt for you, dear Andy, and I have nothing to offer you. I'm emotionally played out. I guess if I'd give you any advice it would be the same as I've given myself -- take a break from "trying" and just "be." Hard for us DB's to do. Hard for anyone who wants emotional and physical intimacy back with our loved one to do.
I agree Andy-maybe just do nothing although it goes against your grain as it does mine,but if that's what she wants then give it to her. You said she is worried she is having symptoms of her depession returning. Usually by the time you admit that your in full blown depression-no wonder she can't make decisions, and does not want to talk. She is confused-that's what depression is all about. I'm serious about the projection thing. I mean if she's depressed there is no way she is not going to project some of her negative feelings onto you. I've been there and done that so many times to my H. He never knows whats going on with me-he takes it presonally which is hard not to do-especially if she won't discuss it with you. Is she on medication? If she's been down this road before she knows she's got to take something-it won't go away, nor will most of the problems betweeen you while she is depressed. Even addressing them is overwhelming to her it sounds. Just love her-as much as she'll let you, and do nice things that help her out. You may have to sit tight-its her move. Rachael M.
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